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Showing posts from September, 2017

Where You Running To?

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This morning I figured out why I'm a runner. Initially, I started running when Chris was in the hospital. I stayed there with him 24/7 and needed so move about more as I had been very active before his accident. I didn't have a printer, so I hand copied a beginning running plan off the internet. It took me three weeks to work up to the first week of the plan. (Can you say "out of shape"? lol) Once we moved to the nursing home, I got up each morning and went for a walk or a run and soon I ran my first 5K race. I fell in love and I guess the rest is history. It's been part of my way of dealing with the constant grief and pain of caregiving. But I also enjoy it. There really is a runner's high  and I look forward to feeling better after my run. My mom is coming today to stay for a few days so my dad has a break. This means double duty for me and not as much running. I do have a treadmill so I might be able to run a bit, but she needs constant supervision an

Syncing Back Up

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I'm a relatively active person, I think, and I'm a casual techie. This works well for me since I love to run and can use an activity band to monitor my progress and my health. It's amazing what that little wristband can tell me about my body. It measures my heartbeat, which is the primary reason I use it. But it can tell me how many steps I take in a day, my average resting heartbeat, the minutes and intensity of my workouts, and the quality level of my sleep. But, from time to time it needs to be synced up with the app on my phone. I get some information from the wristband, but nothing like what I get when it's all synced up. Once the band and the app are together, I can see lots more details about my workouts, sleep habits, weight loss (or gain!), and even the weather forecast for the next 7 days. It's amazing how much information can be stored on this little watch-like device. But, I don't get all the benefits unless I sync it up! Well, this morning,

Detach-ables

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Please forgive me in advance as my thoughts and studies have been all over the place this morning. The title I chose is because of how detached we can feel or become as caregivers. I'm sure we've all had friends who have detached emotionally because they were not sure what to do with us. Sometimes it seems like people avoid us like the plague, like they're afraid we are going to ask something of them. Many seem to think we just want money - lol. I'm just shaking my head on that one. It seems like people think we are down and out just because we are caregivers. And while I appreciate their concern, and their heart - it's not stuff we need most. They don't realize we need them. This morning I was thinking about Job's friends. When they saw his distress and pain - they came and sat. It says they sat for like a week and never said a word.  That's because there weren't any words they could say that would make sense. They couldn't make anything a

Courage to Grieve

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To every caregiver out there – I applaud you – for your courage to grieve. For far too long, the world and the church have looked down on grieving. It’s so common to condemn a person for grieving and expect them to just shake it off.  But caregivers have the uncanny ability to pull it all together for everyone else’s sake – so as to not make them feel uncomfortable. You’ll never know their grief. But caregivers grieve. For many, it’s daily. For some, it’s grieving what could have been but will never be. For others, it’s grieving what was and will never be again. You have the power to grieve, the right to grieve, the courage to grieve. You see, caregivers get up every morning looking to do the same thing they did yesterday, and the same things they will do tomorrow. Over and over and over again. Their soul gets lost in the shuffle and there’s grief over the life they can’t live – the one they won’t live. Because they are caring for another whole person. It takes courage t

Greater Love

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Sometimes, does it feel like we live in a prison, even though we joyfully serve our sentence caring for our loved one? And of course, I think there are those times (if we're all honest) when we not-so-joyfully serve too. Those times are few, but they do occur from time to time. Personally, I've dealt with depression which is common for caregivers. I mean come on, we deal with a LOT ! And it's day in and day out. We carry a heavy load, many of us by ourselves. Taking care of an entire other person is a difficult task. It's actually very complicated yet many of us have mastered it. We know how to get what we need for our loved ones, we are accustomed to their schedules and accommodating to adjustments that need to be made. It can be exhausting. And it can be rewarding. We just keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving through our days, weeks, months, and years. Because we love  them. Jesus told us that there is no greater love - than to lay down our liv

At the End of the Day

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Last night as I was getting ready for bed, getting Chris' last bolus in, making sure he's dry and comfortable I realized something about myself. It seems that no matter how much I DO accomplish in a day, at the end of the day I feel like there was so much left undone. The house is still standing, laundry is done, I finished some work tasks, lights are still on... I have coffee. In reality, a lot was accomplished but I can still feel so far behind. Of course, there's still a full list of things that have to be done tomorrow.  But tomorrow, I'll get up and go through my caregiving routine, work at my jobs some (hopefully) and still feel at the end of the day like I left a lot unaccomplished. It's a vicious cycle really. As caregivers, many of us get up in the morning with just as much to do today as we did yesterday. Nothing is ever really done  - we do the same things over and over again. It can start to feel like we can never do enough - or personally, I start

Shelter in Place

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First off, let me apologize for being absent for so long. I don't need to explain how hectic a caregiver's life can get to you guys. Suffice it to say the last few weeks have been a battle, but I'm back up and going somewhat. I've taken a lot of time to just think things through - assess my life and look at where I am in this journey. Nothing's easy, is it? But we keep putting one foot in front of the other.  This morning, I was sharing with a group on Facebook that in 1986 I was very ill. The doctors never really figured out what it was, but I was so sick. I lost down to skin and bones, had absolutely no energy or appetite. It was dire and my mom even went so far as to start planning my funeral. During that time, I found one verse to hold on to. I was so weary I couldn't hold my Bible up to read but a verse at a time. I found it easier to just memorize it. So I did. It's found in Psalm 57:1 and goes like this: Be merciful to me O God, be merciful t