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Showing posts with the label anxious thoughts

There is a Place

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It’s funny how some days I wake up and words just roll out of my heart and onto paper yet other days I sit and stare at a blank screen and have no clue what to write. Part of me feels that way too like I’m too tired to have emotions right now. I could easily spend the day staring at the wall drinking coffee. But alas, that’s not going to happen! Too many things are needed in a day. Such is the caregiver’s world, right? We talk about how busy we are as caregivers and I hesitate using the word “busy.” It has the connotation that what’s being done is not important. Remember when you were in school and you knew the teacher had given you an assignment as busy-work so you’d stay busy so she could do something else? Our work is certainly not that! But the whole world is busy like that. For caregivers, and many non-caregivers too, there are so many tasks that have to be done in a day, it’s overwhelming. Plus, many of us work either at a traditional job or online and have addit...

Like A Hamster in a Wheel

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This morning I woke up overwhelmed. Ever have one of those days? Before my feet hit the floor my mind was sorting out what seems like thousands of thoughts. My son didn't sleep well, he coughed off and on throughout the night - so I didn't sleep well, I worked all day yesterday and felt like I got nothing done, there's so much to do and lots of it has to be done today, and on and on my mind goes like a hamster in a spinning wheel. Ever have a morning like that?  Some days are like this where it feels like there are so many things that have  to be done now, or needed to be done yesterday. In reality, they are no different than all the same things that I did yesterday and will need to be done tomorrow. :-) Some mornings I wake up in what I call the caregiver's fog; other mornings, like today, I wake up on this hamster wheel realizing all it takes to make it through a day. I'm tired, and I've not even started. Haha, I'm sure I'm the only one, right!? ...

Busy, Busy, Busy

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There are so many areas caregivers can struggle with. We can experience bouts with fear, discouragement, depression, frustration, weariness, loss and deal with what I've learned is a living grief. We may feel helpless, hopeless or alone. And for me I went through a period of time when my faith was totally redefined. On any given day we may have to work through any combination of emotions. And all of this is on top of what we have to do physically. I think it's safe to say we are busy - inside and out.  For me, my emotions can be churning around inside like a roller coaster while on the outside I'm working my full time job, doing laundry, prepping meals, or helping my son with some type of therapy. I'm out of breath just thinking about it! How do we slow down? How do caregivers find some sort of peace - inside or out? Is there even time for that? It's easy for someone on the outside to tell us we need to take a break. But rarely do they also offer to do anythin...

Rambling Thoughts

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Today is one of those days where I woke up and my thoughts were running away with me. Seriously, my thoughts are all over the place. When I first got up, something someone said yesterday started running around in my head and it went mentally viral from there. I work for an SEO company - we work on websites. Its founder is a believer and a group of us meet online to pray for the company and all the employees. During that meeting yesterday, someone told me that God would restore   these years to me.   I know the guy meant well, but even as my heart can agree my head can't grasp that thought. My biggest question is How? I have become very familiar with the story of Job and everyone gets all excited at the end of the story about how God restored his fortunes (I had none of those before my story began! lol), and Job had 10 more kids! Yippee!! I'm not overlooking or lessening the work God did in Job's heart and I understand the story had a good ending. But Job didn't ...

Just One Giant?

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Lately I've been thinking a lot about David and how he ran out to kill the giant, Goliath. I also thought about Benaiah, who ran  into a pit on a snowy day to kill a lion. (1 Chronicles 11: 22) As I was thinking about these valiant warriors and how they faced their greatest fears head on I thought of the caregiver who has to face things on a daily basis. It's more like all of life is a giant ; or at least feels that way sometimes. David only faced Goliath one time, Daniel was thrown into the lion's den only once, the three Hebrew children faced only one fiery furnace and Jesus only went to the cross one time. But lately it feels like everyday has its own series of giants to be taken out. I'm not making light of these Bible heroes as we understand they all had situations that were difficult to bear, but sometimes we major on just one victory without realizing that they had other obstacles in their life and dealt with situations every day too. Daniel was a captive, ...

Not a Fair Trade at All

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Be anxious for nothing.  That's what Paul told the believers in Philippians 4:6. Obviously they didn't have a handicap van and people parking in the way of the lift in a clearly marked restricted area! (People wrongfully taking handicap spots is one of my pet peeves btw.) As a caregiver you know how anxious life can be at times, or all the times sometimes. Surely Paul would rethink these instructions were he here today, or maybe he wouldn't.  Every single day there are constant opportunities to be anxious, sometimes it even feels like we are living anxious. If we do not guard ourselves we can be one huge bundle of anxious as we walk through the day. And it can take the smallest thing to cause us to explode. One of the strategies I use for dealing with anxious thoughts is to turn them into prayers. Sometimes, when I remember, I turn them into thankful prayers. Then not only do I have peace in my heart, but His peace invades it as well. And when I give Him these crazy, ...

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

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Aren't you glad we don't have a screen on our foreheads displaying our every thought? Sometimes it might be useful, but I know there are lots of things that run through my mind every day that I would not want anyone to know about. Caregiver's thoughts are busy - they have to be because we have so many things to work out every single day. Many times I've condemned myself for my own thoughts not realizing it really is the way we work through  stuff. But there are lots of thoughts that simply cannot be shared with others. For the caregiver there can be lots of things that we choose not to share. When I first brought my son home from the nursing home and started working with him full time, I realized how difficult life was for him. He struggles to do anything. I had some thoughts many would find unacceptable. The only one I dare share is that my thoughts were that it would've been better for him to die in the wreck rather than live this way. Immediately I condemne...
Over the last year I had some of my own health problems and was even in the hospital for a few days. It was amazing how many people stepped up to help with my son during that time. You know all too well how miserable it can be to not feel well. It brings a wide range of emotions that are difficult to deal with and you can feel so inadequate. My daughter stepped right up to the plate and others drove in from out of town to give her a hand. And then of course, once I was better they were all gone! (smile) During one visit to the doctor's office she prescribed me some meds for high blood pressure. (Go figure, right?) And she said that they would be good for me since they also helped calm down anxiety. I laughed and said, "You think I'm anxious?" I have always been high strung and being a caregiver hasn't replaced or changed any of that. Actually, I started running as a way to deal with the stress of caregiving and am now training for another marathon. You'd thi...