Daily Devotions for Caregivers

 It's a horrible feeling to feel like you have been forgotten. In some ways, I can justify it to myself. I think about how young Chris was when his accident happened, and how young his friends were. It's difficult to visit with someone who doesn't visit back, I get that. I try to get it out of my mind that he has needed familiar voices to help remember things...but those voices don't come. Instead, there is silence. I've learned to dismiss it as everyone being so young and not having the life experience to deal. Then I have my own feelings of being forgotten to deal with. Friends I thought I had have disappeared with no way to make new ones. I've actually resolved myself to online relationships. I'm okay with that. It makes it much easier to stay comfortable in my caregiver's cave. That one we are drawn to so often because of the social isolation. I mean, really, if there's no one there when I think I need someone, it's much easier to go to t...

Life can change on a dime. I have no idea where that expression comes from, but I know it's true. This weekend I was made aware of some major changes coming my way. It's just life, right? I found out a long time ago as I'm sure you did too, life doesn't stop for caregivers. We just have to keep on caregiving and take on anything else life throws our way. Seems like there oughta be a "hold" button somewhere. I don't need it for long typically, but just a give me a second to catch my breath button would be nice. So my heart and mind were full as I got up and started getting around. I usually get Chris' bolus together, start my coffee and then while it is making I take care of him. My mind was going through all the things I need to handle today, my work schedule and many other things. As usual, my thoughts became my prayers as I mentally walked through my responsibilities. I sighed. Then I made a choice. I decided to be content with life right where...

We have a humbling job in caregiving. We don't often talk about some of the baser things we have to deal with. It's obviously not acceptable on a social level, and seriously, how would those sorts of things work into a conversation? lol When most people see us, we're all cleaned up, dressed up and presentable. There are very few people who see us up walking the floor at night, carrying out the odorous trash bags, ordering incontinence supplies and all the little nitty-gritty things that go into just one of our days. I've yet to have anyone take me up on walking through a day with me from start to finish. Finish? What's that?  We truly want to protect the dignity of our loved ones, so there are some things, they  may never know. It can be very humbling to take care of a whole person. It's also an honor, but when I am taking care of some of the more personal stuff, my thoughts can go crazy. Here I am doing this, and I thought I was called to the mission field....

Chris and I made the trip up to Guthrie this week to see my mom again. One of my sisters was there and so was daddy for a little bit. My mom is losing it a little more all the time, but she seems pleasant. She also still remembers all of us. My sister showed her a picture one of our longtime family friends posted on Facebook this week. It is of many of the old-timers who were the prayer warriors at the church we grew up in. Mama named everyone one of them! It's funny what she remembers and what she doesn't. It's like her head is running around in all her old memories and randomly pulling them out one by one. I'm thankful she has good memories for her head to get lost in. I don't think this trip was as emotional for me, so maybe I'm adjusting. It does help to see her happy. Who'd have thought she would love bingo though? As I was driving home, I was thinking about these ladies who led the way for us. They taught my mama how to pray and she taught me. ...

Once again I am sorry for my absence. I pretty much crashed and burned and ended up in that caregiver's fog. Once you're in it, it's so difficult to find your way back out again. This time it was triggered by several things. The funny thing to me is that often it's not the tasks or responsibilities of caregiving that gets me down. Instead, I find it's the more normal things that get to me. This time, it was my son's birthday. He was 24 when he had the wreck and this year he turned 34. I think all the losses piled up on me, the thoughts of the things he missed. I see his friends marrying, having children, playing music and it wears on me. Plus, he got a couple of phone calls from family and one card. I do get it that he is nonverbal - it's difficult. But his life still matters. He is still here for a reason. Anyway, it sent me off into a bout with depression and I spent some time trying to crawl out. This last week it broke off of me. I was thinking abo...

I was reading in Colossians three this morning for my devotions. This is a power-packed chapter Paul wrote to the early church. Not only is it still relevant, but it is full of encouragement for the believer of today. Although the entire chapter or book, is an awesome read, I focused on the last verses of chapter three this morning. I got stuck in verse 12 though.Paul says this: So, as those chosen of God, holy and beloved....  and that's where I stopped. I know there's tons of good stuff after that, but this was an excellent stop-and-meditate place. We are chosen by Him. We are not an afterthought, we didn't get an okay, I guess you can come too  - He chose us actually before He said, "Let there be light!" And once again in this passage we find absolutely no exclusionary statement about caregivers. He didn't say, "everyone except caregivers is chosen in the beloved." We are included! Paul goes on to say we are also holy and beloved.  Not jus...

I loaded Chris up in the van yesterday and drove about an hour north to Guthrie, Oklahoma to see my mama. She's been in a nursing facility for a few weeks now and is adjusting very well. Daddy's feelings are still hurt that he had to put her there, but I keep trying to assure him that this is the best thing for her at this point. They provide the 24/7 she needs and he gets some rest so he's not so tired or sick all the time. She's doing well. I wish I could have gotten a picture of us though. Daddy had to run some errands so Chris and I were there with her for close to two hours. She decided to go for a walk. So she gets her walker and I get behind Chris' chair and as we are heading out the door, her snoozing roommate decides she's coming with. I helped her get up out of her chair and equipped her with her walker and off we went! A motley crew indeed! lol Mama still knows us, for which I am very thankful. She introduced us to everyone as her "oldest d...

I'm not even going to apologize for my absence. I hope you understand when I don't have it together, I just can't post. The last week or two have been extremely trying. It's really just the emotional part. Maybe you have those times when it seems like God is answering everyone else's prayers but not yours. Those times when it looks like everyone is getting a miracle... but you. Sometimes I look around and think it seems as if all the people I know are getting new cars, nice houses, large chunks of cash, getting to go to the mission field like I'd always dreamed. For me, my emotional crash usually comes when other brain injury victims make lots of progress and Chris does not. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for them. I'm glad they got all the things we were denied like therapy, castings, and intense, specialized care. But it can start to feel like God has forsaken. I ask questions like why my son? Why did God take his voice, his song? And I don...