Showing posts with label intimacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intimacy. Show all posts

Always on His Mind

It's easy to get lost in the shuffle of caregiving, isn't it? There are so many  tasks required to take care of someone else that we can forget to take care of ourselves. Aides, doctors, nurses and other professionals focus on our loved ones, and they should. But we can slowly slide back out of view and be nearly forgotten. It's easy to feel insignificant and small in the scheme of things.

There have been times since I became a caregiver that I would go days without talking to another person. Perhaps this is due to the age of technology. I might text with someone or "chat" via a social media outlet; but I've literally gone days without speaking to someone. Sometimes I miss the art of conversation. I want to hear someone laugh not just type "lol." We need to hear inflections in their voice and see facial expressions. When we don't, we can begin to feel so very alone and wonder if anyone cares, if anyone sees; or if anyone even thinks about us at all.

The good news is that we are always on His mind. As a matter of fact, God told Jeremiah that He knew him before he was formed in his mother's womb. In Jeremiah 1, the Lord spoke to the prophet and said Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. And before you were born I consecrated you. God knows us intimately even when people don't take the time to get to know us well. He is aware of our darkest, loneliest moments and we are on His mind. We are not forgotten. The truth is that we don't even know what people may be praying for us or thinking about us at any given time. But we can rest assured that God has us on His mind all the time.

David said it this way in Psalm 139 - How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning You are still with me! (NLT) 

Today I am thankful that He is always with me and I am always on His mind. My meditation today will be of His ever-abiding presence and His continuous thoughts of me! I will rejoice today that He does not forget me or my situation - but I am always on His mind. Will you join me?

Search Me O God

When my son was first injured and we were living in the hospital, I knew I had to find a way to get adequate exercise so I took up running. I thought it was an inexpensive sport that I could virtually do anywhere. It's been sort of a lifeline for me over the years. Running has become what I do to deal with the difficulty of caregiving. It helps me physically but it also helps me beat depression and clears my brain. It's really about the only thing I do, and the only reason I get out. 

Yesterday, I ran my 16th half marathon. I proudly added my finisher's medal to my overloaded rack on the wall. But I had something happen during my race that had to do with caregiving. As I neared mile 5 of the course there was a drumline playing. It totally caught me off guard. My son was the drum caption and the center snare for his college drumline before his accident. Seeing a drumline live brought back a flood of memories and I collapsed in tears. Eventually, I gathered myself and continued down the course to finish the race.

Things can be so much more than what we see and we never know what a person is dealing with on the inside. In Psalm 139, David talks about how God sees our insides. He knows our comings and our goings. Sometimes people are scared to see that deeply into another person; and sometimes we are too scared to let them look. But God sees past our fears, our emotions and the walls we build to keep others out. He sees what makes us tick. And He still hangs around!

I encourage you to take time to read this psalm today and think about how intimately God knows you. David says in the last two verses:
Search me O God and know my heart,
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me, 
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Our hearts are safe with God and He knows and understands everything we feel. He knows what makes us tick and He's not afraid to be close to us.

Today as I meditate on how He knows my thoughts, I will think about His closeness. My thoughts will be on His ever abiding presence and the fact that He is not afraid to continue to hang around even through life's storms. I'll think about how He loves me in the midst of the hurt and difficulties. And I will relax and let Him search my heart. He is safe, He cares. He loves.

A Fruitful Vine

It can be very easy to slip into oblivion...I mean, who would know? Fighting with thoughts like this can be a daily struggle for caregivers. There's the aloneness that cannot really be described to those who do not understand. Besides the depression that can try to take hold there's a sense of barrenness that has to be fought...and it is indeed a fight of faith for many.

 Our trouble with thinking we are spiritually barren is tied up in the church's perception of fruit. Organized religion says that our fruit are all those things that we are doing inside the church. They consider teaching Sunday School, leading worship, helping with the church yard or cleaning the church to be fruit. Never mind that Jesus talked about none of these things when He talked about the sheep in Matthew 25. His sheep will visit the sick, and visit the prisoner, along with feeding the hungry. He didn't say that they attended Sunday School or Wednesday night Discipleship classes, did He?

 So what is the caregiver to do to bear fruit? By the church's standards we simply are not eligible and once again they deem us barren because we cannot function in their system. But that is because we tend to measure our fruit by what we do. While I agree that our fruit will display what's in our hearts - the caregiver is not barren.

 First of all consider this - you laid down your life to care for your loved one. If that's not a picture of Christ I don't know a better one! Our fruit is in the spirit, not the natural. And actually, we are blessed that the typical Pharisee cannot see our fruit, for if they can see it and measure it - trust me, it's not true spiritual fruit! Our fruit is being grown in the spirit realm. Just because religious people consider us barren - does not make it so!

 Isaiah 54:1 says this:

 Shout O barren one - you who have borne no child
break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud 
you who have not travailed
For the sons of the desolate one 
are more numerous than the sons of the married woman!

When we develop our relationship with Him - that intimacy will produce much spiritual fruit! So relax. we are not barren! WE are a fruitful vine because we live in Him! 

Call to Intimacy

By the time you actually become a caregiver there's already been some sort of big ordeal in your life. You're not going to wake up in the morning and say, "I'm a caregiver now." Some series of events had to have happened that placed you in the position to chose it. Something, sometime had to of broken your heart...for each of us although the journey is similar - they are all uniquely different at the same time.

No matter what catapulted us to the place of caregiving, it had to hurt. And many times caregiving bears with it a hurt that does not go away...it's a living pain so deep it cannot be explained. No one can really understand it. No one can fix it. No one can make it go away...it's just there underneath the surface. The pain of being a caregiver is many faceted...because somewhere in the mix we lost our own lives in the shuffle.

Psalm 34:18 says this to us today The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Today, lay aside all the questions and the whys - you know - why didn't He fix this? type questions... and let your heart hear His heart for you. He is near - allow Him to be near you today. Don't move away...I see this scripture as a distinct call to intimacy with Him once again. Take a few minutes and think about what this already terrible journey would have been like if we didn't know Him. There would be absolutely no hope - anywhere - not even with the end of life - without Him...

Take some time to be near Him today - to allow Him to touch the damaged recesses of your heart - let Him heal the pains that no one has ever had any idea about. Let Him carry you today..He is near.

Where Did Everyone Go?

Psalm 139 is a greatly used psalm, but we mostly use it to tell our children how special they are to God. So special of course that they were wonderfully made, and how God was watching and supervising their growth in the womb. However, this psalm is for adults too! God did not abandon us when we got older did He?

The Psalm begins with out intimately acquainted God is with our ways. Some days, honestly, that seems a little intrusive, don't you think? It can be scary to think that He knows our thoughts even before they are formed! He knows our thoughts, our words, our works and even our every movement!

Now the point is of course, not that God is watching over us to whop us if we make a wrong move; it's more that He is so deeply concerned about us that He is constantly keeping a watch on our soul. In a time in our lives (as caregivers)when we can feel so very abandoned and alone...He is still watching.

Maybe we do not understand where everyone went. When tragedy first strikes we are surrounded with caring people who are willing to do anything to help. But it seems that this is only true if it does not disrupt their schedule or if your situation doesn't go on too terribly long. But long after they've gone on with their lives here we are still holding on...and it can be a very lonely place.

But God is so constantly aware of where we are. He has not abandoned us and he will not walk away because our load gets too heavy for Him to bear. When every one else forsakes - He is still there! He will bring us comfort and peace. Take a moment today to sit down for just 5 minutes (and I know that's hard to find!) and think about His ever-abiding presence even in your situation...He's there!

Hidden With Him

This morning I was researching a topic when my devotions led me to Luke 1. One little phrase caught my attention; it had to do with Elizabeth. She was older and barren but the scripture says that she and Zechariah were both righteous before God. (v 6 ESV) That's an interesting point in itself as many probably thought it was God's judgment that didn't allow them to have children. That's just the way it was back then. If you had children you were blessed and if not then you were cursed, at least that's the way the culture leaned.

So that's point number one. Many people think because something we deem as bad has happened to us that it is God's way of cursing us. There can even be accusations from "Christians" to the extent that they say we are in sin since God didn't protect us from something terrible happening to us. Elizabeth was barren - but she was righteous! Just because we cannot live our lives like the "rest of the world" does not mean that we are barren or cursed - we just have a different set of circumstances to deal with in our daily lives. Being a caregiver has nothing to do with if we are righteous or not. And if we cannot get out and go to church - we can be looked on like Elizabeth - as if we are barren...but we are not - and this brings me to the second point I saw in this passage.

Point number two is that once God touched Elizabeth and she conceived - she kept herself hidden for 5 months! I'm like What? If all my neighbors were heaping reproach on me and the reason for it was removed - I'd be singing and dancing and letting everyone know! But Elizabeth hid herself for the first 5 months - and rejoiced in God's blessing alone. Wow, what intimacy with Him! (v 24-25)

Just because we are caregivers and can walk for many hours, days or weeks basically alone does not mean that God has abandoned us. To others it may look like we have a barren life. But if we can sort through the emotions and loneliness we can have a very fruitful existence hidden away with Him. He does not put any reproach on us; and He has not abandoned us to our circumstances. He is here with us to create fruitfulness in our lives - it just doesn't look like everyone else's process...

The Stare

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