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The Help I Need

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Some mornings I read through a book of the Bible, others I look at one topic, or I follow a Bible study guide if I have one. This morning was one of those mornings I was all over the place but ended up in the right place. I had started reading in Psalm 138 where I left off yesterday, but then I started scanning back through the Psalms and found myself in Psalm 124. the last verse says this Our help is from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth. (NLT)  Of course, this is a familiar verse for me. I even wrote a song to it when my son was first injured. I fell in love with Psalm 121 while living at the hospital with him. I put it to music with an old guitar one of his friends loaned me. Sure enough, I look back at Psalm 121 and it says the same thing. My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth! (NLT) I put little arrows by those two verses - they are across from each other on the same page in my NLT. Then, I continued to read back through the Psalms. I real...

Who's Got Your Back?

Have you ever felt like no one really understands? It seems like it hurts most when it's people who are supposed to be helping. For example, last week my son was up for re-certification in the Advantage program. I was sitting at the table with his case manager and the nurse who will be overseeing his case. They are cutting the hours an aide will come to help because they just don't see what needs to be done.  They are cutting the aide from 17 hours to something like 6 or 8 per week. On one hand I could care less because I've found working with an aide to be more of a hassle than it's worth - unless you get a good one. I was dumbfounded at the ignorance of the situation and I sat and just listened to them talk back and forth about the things the aide is and is not allowed to do. While there are some limitations there are plenty of tasks they can help me with, if they want to. Most of them just want a paycheck. I felt so unimportant and defenseless and very  unsure of w...

No Sleeping on the Job!

Sometimes the caregiver is left floundering on their own and sometimes there are organizations or individuals who help them out. There are programs to help pay for aides and supplies that are very beneficial for helping us stay sane. When I have an aide it means I get out a little more to run, or run errands and that is good. There are nurses who come periodically to check my son out and see that he is healthy and being taken care of. Family members often sit with my son so that I can do things I enjoy or escape for a weekend. I am very appreciative of this "village" that helps me out from time to time. However, I learned a long time back when this caregiving journey first began that my help comes from the Lord.  I had no idea of the the types of situations and decisions I would be facing on a daily basis back then, but I knew if I was going to survive I would have to look at Him for my help. I began to meditate on Psalm 121 while we were still living in the ICU waiting roo...

Why Can't Life have a "Pause" Button?

Caregiving is not an easy task period; and any given day can bring numerous surprises both good and bad. You just never know how a day is going to go. You never know when you are going to run out of steam, or when you'll have a burst of energy. People can surprise you by not showing up, or they can surprise you with an unexpected text asking if you need any help. The emotions can be all over the place for a variety of reasons. In the midst of caregiving - life continues for everyone else and life itself doesn't take a break. As a caregiver, we deal with our personal situation plus all the "normal" stuff life throws at you. We get sick, we read cutoff notices, vehicles break down, friends are diagnosed with serious conditions, and family members pass away. Caregiving doesn't give us a break  from life - life continues just as it would if we were not in the role of caregiving. Sometimes, I would like to find a huge pause  button for life. Can't it stop for jus...

When the Caregiver Gets Tired

I have found it useful to keep a personal blog as it gives me a place to put and leave my emotions. I really didn't start it for that purpose. My intent was to share the difficulties and challenges that I face as a caregiver and talk about how to keep faith (which has been totally redefined for me) while walking through the heat of the furnace on a daily basis. Last night as I was writing an entry in From the Furnace , I found my own encouragement in Isaiah 40:28-29. The New Living Translation says it this way: don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of His understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; He offers strength to the weak.   On a day when emotions were fried and strength was gone, I found this scripture to be very encouraging. I particularly like that it says He won't grow faint or weary. And I like that He will give powe...

Who is He?

When my son had his vehicle accident he was in ICU for about 3.5 weeks. Since I was from out of town I just set up camp in the ICU waiting room.One morning when I was there alone for some reason Psalm 121 came to mind. I realized that although my son was at the time getting very good medical care, the medical staff was not where my help was coming from. The nurses or doctors were not my source of help but the Lord was my helper. Psalm 121:2 says my help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. It goes on to say that He is always on watch - never sleeps. And furthermore He is also our keeper (v.5) and even our protector (v.7) However, it says He is the protector and keeper of our soul ...He keeps and protects that part of us that makes us - us. When life around us seems to be in turmoil - He will keep us. It's comforting to someone like me who messes up a lot that He will not throw us away. No situation gets so out-of-hand that He walks away. He will continue to keep, p...

Strength to Serve

This little walk through 1 Peter has helped me sort through many of my thoughts. But this one verse helps me bring my perspective back to where it should be. Caregiving is strenuous on body, soul and spirit. Many days you have to just suck it up and give it all you have - even though you feel there is nothing left! One way to look at caregiving is to consider yourself a servant. We spend our days (and nights!) taking care of our loved ones. Depending on the nature of the situation we must perform various tasks of different levels of difficulty. Some just need assistance with skills associated with daily living, others maybe just need help with mobility, and still others need total care. Whatever our function is in the lives of our loved one - we can consider ourselves their servant for Christ's sake. He said there was no greater love displayed than when we lay down our lives for another. And we have done that. 1 Peter 4:11b says this: whoever serves is to do so as one who is ...

Furnace Walkers

My friend used this term when she replied to one of my blogs.It's the one where I try to dump all my emotions so I can have my heart and mind clear to be able to concentrate on the rest of my day which is mostly caregiving or writing. (www.macdingolinger.wordpress.com) It's actually called from the furnace and I try to share how I hold on to faith while going through this furnace. Sometimes I am barely keeping it in my grasp and sometimes it sure seems to slip away! But eventually, no matter how dark - faith always comes back.  I was thinking of others this morning who had their furnace. Some like the apostle Paul. He turned his heart toward God while in the furnace and we ended up with 2/3 of our New Testament! I suppose this is our greatest task right now - while in our own personal furnaces - to turn our hearts to Him. For the real believers - it's impossible not to. It can actually be frustrating to try to walk away... like ... where would we go anyway? There is no ...

Call to Intimacy

By the time you actually become a caregiver there's already been some sort of big ordeal in your life. You're not going to wake up in the morning and say, "I'm a caregiver now." Some series of events had to have happened that placed you in the position to chose it. Something, sometime had to of broken your heart...for each of us although the journey is similar - they are all uniquely different at the same time. No matter what catapulted us to the place of caregiving, i t had to hurt. And many times caregiving bears with it a hurt that does not go away...it's a living pain so deep it cannot be explained. No one can really understand it. No one can fix it. No one can make it go away...it's just there underneath the surface. The pain of being a caregiver is many faceted...because somewhere in the mix we lost our own lives in the shuffle. Psalm 34:18 says this to us today The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Today,...

And Boy Do I Need the Help!

This morning I came across a scripture in Hebrews 13:6. It is actually a quote out of Psalms. It simply says The Lord is my helper I will no be afraid, what can man do to me. I didn't so much think about what effect other people may have on me as I really am worrying about that less and less. But I focused on the first part of the verse... the Lord is my helper.  I can think of a couple of other verses about that just off the top of my head. Psalm 121 says I will look to the Lord where my help comes from. And then in Psalm 30:10 is a plea for help Lord, be my helper! It's not that I am so Bible smart - it's just that I've needed lots of help! lol! I am to the place in this walk that I really do not know how to go on without His help. A caregiver runs on overload all the time. There isn't a "break" actually. Because if you're like me, even if you sit down to enjoy a cup of coffee you feel guilty because surely there's something you need to ...

Who's Helping Who?

I'm sure as a caregiver you can look back over your journey and see that there have been many players, many helpers. At some point there have been hospital staff or home health personnel who have helped in any one of a wide variety of ways.  And of course somewhere in the mix is a physician and a pharmacist. All these have worked together for the benefit of the patient whether or not they've actually had direct contact with one another. But with all the "help" there is avaialable through the medical system, none of them is "my helper." Psalm 121 says my help comes from the Lord Who made heaven and earth. When I realize that and meditate on it - it can make today's load a little lighter. He created everything! All the oceans, seas, mountains, caves, forests, valleys and hills are the work of His hand. By His word the sun and the moon do their job and the earth maintains its route in orbit. That God is my help! - sheesh! I guess that sort of makes HI...