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Showing posts from May, 2024

Caregiver Grace

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  Yesterday, I was shopping for some items for me and my son on Amazon. I was looking at some different clothing items and I got this message under the sizing chart. It said something like, "This is your recommended size based on millions of customer orders and reviews." It was rather puzzling. Why would they suggest a size for me based on all the other Amazon shoppers? What if they all ordered small? I'd certainly not get what I needed lol. Immediately, I thought about how God doesn't base "grace to help in time of need" on millions of other users. He bases it on my need in the moment!  My mind began to run through numerous Bible stories. Moses crossing the Red Sea. David taking down Goliath. Daniel in the lion's den. Each situation was different and God provided the need for it. God parted the Red Sea for Moses and those following him because that's where they were and that's what was needed. He didn't tell David while he was standing in fr

Scattered But Secure

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 I'm starting to think that there are few things as emotionally scattering as caregiving. I'm into the middle of year 15, but I'm still picking up pieces of my fractured heart. Living grief is no joke!  In John 10, Jesus tells His listeners (Pharisees, disciples, and the undecided) two times that He is the Good Shepherd. (verses 11 and 14) He begins explaining that when  the wolf attacks, the one who is hired to watch the sheep will run away leaving the sheep vulnerable to attack. In verse 12 it says the hireling leaves because the sheep are not his. He's not invested in the sheep emotionally, financially, or even physically. But the good shepherd  stays to fight off the attacker because the sheep are His. I love that. God doesn't pack up and leave us when things get crazy. He doesn't distance Himself from our pain (like most people do). And He will not leave us to be scattered by our enemies. Even though we can feel scattered emotionally, mentally, and physical

Unexpected

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 Sometimes, things don't turn out like we thought they would. Life doesn't look like we expected. Caregiving can be one of those unexpected turns we never saw coming. No one grows up planning on being a caregiver, right? It is one of the stops in life's journey. I certainly didn't think I'd enter my retirement years caring for an adult child. I had already raised my kids. But accidents and the unexpected happen.  I wondered this morning about some of my Bible heroes. I thought about David, sitting in the back of the cave hiding from Saul. He had already been anointed as king by the prophet Samuel. But he's sitting in the back of a dark, dank cave just to save his life. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the picture of how his life was going to turn out. David envisioned sitting on the throne wearing a crown on his head. Instead, he's crouched and hiding. Definitely unexpected. God gave Joseph some prophetic dreams as a young man. His own dad interpreted the

The Good, The Bad, The Beautiful

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 I am not sure I ever saw the movie, "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly," but I likely did since my daddy loved watching cowboy movies. And I loved watching them with him. The title came to mind this morning as I was sorting through some of my caregiver emotions. I kind of chuckled and thought - boy, if that's not the good, the bad, the ugly then I don't know what is! Each day is made up of a series of events. From morning to evening, we are dealing with so many different things - and we never know when something might change. But things will change.  We may find new things put on our plates. Friends may appear and disappear. We may get stares if we take our loved ones out. Or we may be totally ignored - until we get stuck in a door others want to go in or out of. That might be a little ugly. Lol.  Often, we deal with a lot of "ugly" things. A lot of unmentionables. We know not to check if it's pudding. (IYKYK!) It's not. :-) But there are beautiful th

Emotionally Stranded

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  I was up late last night - and it wasn't to study my Bible. Lol. I was watching a dumb show. But each episode ended with things up in the air concerning the main character. I couldn't just go to sleep wondering how his situation was going to work out. I kept thinking, just turn this off and find out tomorrow. But I discovered something about myself. I just simply couldn't walk away leaving the character (yes, I know he's fictional) emotionally stranded. There had to be a "happy ending," some sort of resolution or I wasn't going to sleep well. It took me some time this morning to come to that conclusion - that I don't like leaving people emotionally stranded. In fact, it led me down a road of self-reflection and I realized I've landed myself in some sticky relationships and situations because I didn't want to emotionally strand others. The irony is that these types of relationships have left me emotionally stranded. Caregiving also leaves us e

All the Characters

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 Do you ever wonder why some stories are in the Bible? There are stories about those who won great battles and lost the little ones. People who killed giants walked through the fire or slept in a lion's den. Then there's Gideon (Judges 6) who led the Children of Israel into battles and won. He beat an "innumerable" army with just 300 men. It's an amazing story, but if you read his whole story you'll see that in the end, Gideon led the people right back into idolatry. Smh. How could Gideon follow God so closely, win the battle, and then fall from grace? I don't know - but it kinda sounds like a typical caregiving day to me. One minute I'm declaring the Word of God and the next I'm crumpled in the floor trying to catch my breath. And the cause of the sudden "down" like this might just be an old picture or a post on Facebook.  Maybe that's why we have stories of failures like Gideon. Right there with his victory was a failure. I'm so

Look Again!

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Jonah was quite the OT character, wasn't he? I mean, really. When God told Him to go to Ninevah, Jonah purposefully went in the opposite direction. He deliberately disobeyed God. What a rebel! It's easy to say that Jonah found himself in the belly of the great fish by his own doings. Of course, in chapter 1 verse 17, it says that God prepared a fish just for Jonah. It baffles me as to why God would chase down a rebel. But I am so glad He did - because I know He'll chase me down too. I can be quite the mess from time to time. Okay, so maybe all the time. Lol. Why does the story of a rebellious backslider encourage me so much? Because if God can meet the runaway prophet in the belly of a whale, He can meet me in my circumstances too! In verse 4, Jonah says, I will look again to Your holy temple. I love that! Here Jonah sits in the dark, damp, smelly whale's belly, yet he's choosing to look at God. And God chooses to meet him there! If God can meet Jonah in the darkest

Honesty Goes a Long Way!

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 I think one of the things I love about the Psalms is how open and honest the psalmists are about their feelings. They don't seem to hold much back when it comes to their emotions, fears, doubts, or anxieties. The psalmists tend to just lay it all out there and then wait for God to swoop in and help clean it all up. David wasn't afraid to say he shed tears. They were open about all their fears and the crazy stuff they were going through. And God let  it all be put in the Bible! This morning, I was reading Psalm 95, but I noticed a verse in Psalm 94 that I had previously marked. In verse 19, the psalmist says, When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer. (NLT) In Psalm 119:50, David says, this is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life. (NKJV) I think what stood out to me in these verses is that God didn't avoid the psalmist because they were sharing "negative" feelings or emotions. Instead, He seemed to move in clos

Twists and Turns

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  As caregivers, we never know what a day will bring. It can make it very difficult to make plans because we never know if we'll be able to keep them or not. Just last week, everything was going great and we had to make an afternoon run to the ER. Of course, it all turned out okay - by the afternoon was sucked away. As if caregiving wasn't exhausting enough, there are those little twists and turns in our kind of crazy normals that can suck the life right out of you. Am I alone?! One of the things I've recently come to appreciate even more about God is that He takes it all. He is our rock (Psalm 18:1-2, Psalm 61:1-3). But nowhere in the Bible does it say that God is an either-or advocate. We can run to our Rock with all our concerns, sadness, and pain. At the same time, we can run to Him with our joys, thanksgivings, and wins. He doesn't say He will take one or the other - He takes both - absolutely all  of it. He is there to dry the last tear we can squeeze out over a l

The Best Option

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 I love how open, raw, and vulnerable the Psalms are. David, who wrote most of them, and the other psalmists didn't hold back their feelings or emotions. When I saw that it was okay to tell God exactly how I felt about what I was going through it not only gave me freedom but it leveled me up when it came to trusting God. He wasn't going to throw me away or fry me down to my toenails because I was honest about how I felt about my situation. Thank you, King David, for leading the way! Lol. This morning, I found myself in Psalm 22. That will be where I camp for the day! We find David feeling forsaken and forgotten by God. He expresses these feelings in the first couple of verses. He continues throughout the verses expressing his feelings and hurts. But here's what stood out to me.  Even though David was in a tough spot, he continued to choose to praise God. In verse 3, after he just poured out his heart, David says, yet, You are holy. He goes back to his discourse on life'

From the Back of the Caregiver's Cave

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 Since yesterday, I've just kept my mind in Psalm 57. Verse one of this psalm has been a life scripture that has anchored my soul over the years. I still declare that I will trust God and stay in the shelter of His wings for refuge in life's calamities. One thing I have always loved about David was that he was not afraid or ashamed to share his emotions. He is very clear in this psalm that his soul is "among lions" and he is under attack.  David talks about crying to God and asking Him to save his soul. But he always comes back around to his declarations. Most of his psalms have declarations of some sort. He shares how he feels. He reminds himself of who God is and what He's done. He declares how he is going to trust God. Picture David sitting in the back of a dark, dank cave. He is running for his life. He has a few of his "mighty men" with him. Maybe they are trying to encourage him - maybe they are just supporting him by sitting there with him. He can

Awake My Soul

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 When I woke up this morning, the song "Awake My Soul" was running through my mind. Over and over the phrase, awake my soul - sing His praise out loud  was playing. Even though caregiving can be hectic and we have to remain flexible, it's easy for our souls to be lulled to sleep. We are on high alert emotionally pretty much all the time, and it's normal to seek refuge for our souls. That can end up with a lot of anxiety, or it can turn out that we just feel kind of numb. We might even land somewhere in the middle.  We find ourselves carrying so much. It's not easy to take care of another person on any level, and our emotions can wear out. We get soul tired. It's not easy to get out of that mode either. Sometimes, it would be nice to have a day off. But for many that just doesn't happen. I'm thankful to get a couple hours of respite each week, but guess how I spend it? Running errands. Ikr. Over time, we can wear down. It's not your fault. It's

It's Okay...Really

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  This morning, I'm just running behind. Ever have one of those days? Lol. Who am I kidding? Most of the time, it seems like every day is one of those days. We talk a lot about how many things we have to juggle, even in our sleep! Lol. Okay, maybe not really, but I do sometimes dream about caregiving stuff. :-) So, here I am running late and my son hasn't been bolused yet. It's like it feels like the world will end just because I didn't get him fed by 8 or 8:30. In my defense, I've already studied for next Sunday's sermon since I've been asked to speak at a local church for Mother's Day. I also already did my FaceBook live devotions and have it uploaded to YouTube and TikTok. And, my son is still asleep - I'll feed him as soon as I hear him move!  As I was running through all that in my head, I thought - It's okay if he hasn't been fed yet - he'll get fed. Then, I started thinking about how anal I can be about getting things done. It'