Showing posts with label lyrics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lyrics. Show all posts

Never Let Go

This was a trying week, which basically means there was nothing unusual about it. As caregivers, our emotions can be all over the place. This week brought sickness, depression, fatigue, and tons of other difficulties to deal with. Not only does being sick mess up our day-to-day routines, but it also wreaks havoc on our bodies and emotions. For many of us, our emotions stay on edge as it is, and even small things topple us into the "emotional abyss." It can take days to climb out of if we can get out at all.

Oftentimes, we don't even realize our emotions are stretched to the max. Hindsight is 20/20 and I have learned over my caregiving years that it's okay to stop. It's okay to cry. (I don't think it does any good - but it does let you know your emotional cup is full and running over.) It's okay to say - that's all I can do today. And it is absolutely okay to tell others, no. It is also absolutely okay to ask for help. That is often the most difficult part of all for caregivers. (Where'd you leave that cape?)

This week I didn't realize how stretched my emotions were until I finally got out of the house to go see my aunt. She is physically doing okay but mentally seems to be fading. I visited with her for quite a little bit, took her some goodies from the store that I knew she would enjoy and came home. I had not made contact with my emotions at all when I found the house empty of everyone but me and Chris and headed to the piano. My heart was ready to just spend some time singing "thanks" to Him. For keeping me, for not abandoning me, for just being God.

As I approached the piano, I remembered that it is my aunt's and it was like all of why we have it here to begin with hit me. She no longer plays it. I sat down and played through tears that I didn't try to hold back. As I was giving it all to Him - releasing it all through singing, I ever so gently felt Him say, I'll never let go of you. It was more of a sense than a voice, maybe an impression filled with the peace of knowing He won't let go no matter what I walk through.

While I was singing and rejoicing in His keeping power, I realized I felt the same way about Chris and Ronella. They both face different struggles, of course. But I will never let go of either of them. I'll walk through each fire, swim through each flood, and ride the waves with them no matter what they face. And God is just that determined to be with us. I began to sing it to Chris - "I will never let go of you, my child. I will never let go of you!" Then I saw his reflection in the piano. He seemed to be listening. Maybe he really heard me this time.And maybe God hopes I really heard Him this time too.

Today, my thoughts will be on His intent to never let go of me. I'll think about how it never gets too hot, too difficult, too tiring, too anything. He won't quit and walk away. He will never let go of me. My meditations will be on His ever-abiding presence and I'll try to picture myself curled up in His arms letting Him hold me today. I'll rest right there - will you join me?

Is it Okay to Sing Again?

As caregivers we know that days are full of lots of things. We can easily run on high all day long and still feel like we got nothing done at the end of the day. Perhaps part of this is due to the fact that we do the same things over and over and over day after day after day. This is the way it is when you are caring for another person. It can be a life of repetition with the caregiver doing everything for their loved ones and then those same things for themselves. It's endless, isn't it?

Sometimes I wonder just when it's all going to end. It feels like never. And if I am not carefully guarded, I can slip into a very depressed state and whine a lot. Not that it helps.

BC (Before Caregiving) I was a worship leader in the church. I stayed up on the latest trends in worship music and learned the newest songs. Tragedy has a way of robbing you of the things you love. For me one thing I loved was music. Actually, because my son was a musician prior to the accident, I couldn't even listen to music for a long time. It simply broke my heart. One down beat on the drum and I was a basket case fighting back tears. Over time I learned to suck it up as I made music a large part of his therapy. He responds well to it still, especially his music. I do still leave the room during some of the songs he wrote.

Recently I've been able to come back to enjoy music and particularly praise and worship. I have even returned to writing some music. I actually have the radio on in the van when we are traveling now. There's a song I had to get the words and chords to and have sat down to learn to play. It's amazing how a simple song can lift the heart when we are willing to be lifted.

Matt Redman is just one of the songwriters/lead worshipers I enjoy listening to. One of his latest songs is "Bless the Lord O My Soul." The song is well written in my opinion but the first verse is what stands out to me and it's become my prayer for today. It goes like this:

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again.
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
let me be singing with the evening comes.

As rough as the life of the caregiver can get I pray we can always sing bless the Lord O my soul! I like this verse because one phone call changed my entire life just about 7 years ago. I would like to say that I reacted with Job-like acts of worship, but that is simply not true. I tend to throw fits, scream and yell, punch the air and cuss a little (sometimes a lot) before I finally hit my knees. Finding a place to worship is not easy for the caregiver, but it can soften the heart. And this song reminds us that no matter what we face - we can still lift our hearts to God.

Today I will remind myself that God's position on His throne did not change when I became a caregiver. He is forever God no matter what happens on this earth - good or bad. My meditation will be of His endless lovingkindness, mercy and love toward us. I will let my heart return to worship today. Will you join me?

Inseparable

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