Showing posts with label caregiver's challenges. Show all posts
Showing posts with label caregiver's challenges. Show all posts

Broken Crayons


 I am still rolling over last week's blog in my mind. The thought of being "complete" still runs through my mind because I feel like my life as a caregiver is so fractured. No area of our lives is left untouched from our work to family, friends, and church. Every piece of us - is touched in some way by caregiving. Sometimes well-meaning people just can't take this journey with us, you know? It's not easy to watch or live a caregiver's life sometimes. It's easy to feel abnormal when we let the tv and society set those norms for us, isn't it?

But trusting God is the norm for believers. This morning I was thinking back about many of our Bible heroes and how they trusted God in their adverse circumstances. I thought of how their lives and our lives are easily shattered. If we've gained anything through this pandemic, perhaps it's the realization that life is fragile indeed.

Feeling broken doesn't mean we are broken, even though the feelings are real. We may feel like we are disjointed from society or cut off from the church. But even in our brokenness, He chooses to fill us up with all He is. I was thinking along these lines this morning I remembered hearing someone say that a broken crayon can still be used to color a beautiful picture. Then I chuckled as I thought about a broken clock is still right two times a day! (lol) A broken mirror still reflects what is set before it. Then it must be possible - NO - probable that God can still use us to reflect His glory and color His story even in our brokenness. 

I have to go back to last week and think - I am whole in Him, and you are whole in Him. So, as long as we stay hidden in Him, which is where we belong. Where we are welcomed. Where we fit. Where we find rest and strength. We are whole and He continues to use us.

Today, I will remind myself that nothing on this earth can prevent me from being whole in Him. His Kingdom (which lives in me and you) cannot be shaken by any news or happenings in the earth's kingdom. And I am not a citizen of earth's kingdom - I am a citizen of God's eternal, glorious Kingdom where I am not "just a caregiver" but I am whole in Him. Today, I will rest in this truth and I'll try to picture myself from His Kingdom's point of view - will you do the same and join me today?


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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.


The Big Stuff vs The Little Stuff

Chris standing at Wheeler Park
It's an understatement to say that caregivers have a lot on their plates. That may produce an interesting image, but it doesn't touch the surface. I used to think that long-distance caregivers had it easy. That was until I became one - lol. Of course, that was in addition to taking care of my son full time. Smh. It's just not easy to take care of another whole person, no matter what level of care that requires.

Sometimes it seems like it's the little stuff that gets us. You know? I don't know- maybe it's all "big stuff" when you're a caregiver. Sometimes it's easier to trust Him with the big stuff. We have so many examples in scripture. Gideon fought off an innumerable army with just 300 men. Joshua and the Children of Israel marched around Jericho and the walls fell down. Moses led them across the Red Sea on dry ground. But those small things can eat our proverbial lunch.

It seems easier to ask God for strength for dealing with a brain injury, aging, cancer, or other health problems and situations we must deal with than it does when all the little things crumble around us. I can think I'm fine and pick up a pen to write something down and find it doesn't work. You'd think my world revolved around that writing utensil and it's all over just because it's not available when I need it. Or let me drop a chunk of cheese on the floor while I'm preparing a meal and you'd think WWIII had started in my kitchen. lol. Can you relate? Or is it just me?

Somehow, it seems easier to hand off the big stuff to God but keep the small stuff to deal with on our own. But I'm learning that His shoulders and heart are big enough to carry it all. And what's even more important to me - is that He wants to. We can go largely ignored. Not because people don't care - but they really don't know how to act or react to our situations. It's not their fault - they just don't know what to say or do and since they don't want to do or say something wrong - we are ignored.

We need more of Job's friends - as horrible as they were to him - when he needed them most they came to him. They sat in silence for 7 days because they simply didn't know what to say. (They should have stayed silent. lol) But they sat and sat and sat, and said nothing. However, they chose to participate in his pain. My friend Mary did that. When Chris first had the wreck she flew in from Indiana and stayed with me for almost a week. She stayed in the hospital room with us and was just there for me. It meant the world. It wasn't anything she said - she was just there - in the big stuff with me and God.

Today, I'm going to take a look around at big stuff and little stuff alike. I'll do a personal assessment to see what there may be that I have not deemed worthy of His attention. While my plate may still be "full" I know He will be shouldering some of the weight - the more I can give Him the better, right? Will you join me today in giving Him all - and trusting Him for one more day?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover

Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.

Made it!

Chris standing by me!

 Do you ever have days where it feels like life is just dragging on? I do. I wake up and think, how long has it been like this? How far do I have to go? My BC (before caregiving) life becomes foggy memories. Maybe it's just me, but that's how I felt this morning. Navigating caregiving isn't easy - but it's do-able. There are far too many of us doing it to refute that fact! 

When my son and I moved to this apartment over four months ago I will admit I was nervous. Probably more like downright scared, but we'll call it nervous. The rent is higher than any I've ever paid. I know how my work can fluctuate - it can be feast or famine sometimes. I'll have lots of work - then none. I have built up a small bookstore by writing study guides and devotionals, but I keep the prices so low so people like me can afford them, it doesn't bring in much that I can count on. So, I was a bit nervous.

Here were are at the beginning of February I can say I already paid my rent for the month. I was kind of in awe just thinking about how God has provided. After I hit "send" I thought,  I made it! whew! But for us caregivers, it's like that most every day, isn't it?

Today, we can all say - I've made it this far. God has carried us this - far and today is NOT the day He's going to stop. We've all seen bad days, better days - and some good days; and God has been there through every single one of them. He has not - and will not abandon us on our caregiving journey. He never wrings His hands in my worry - and never says to me, well, I'm not sure what you're going to do. (Sorry - that's a funny image in my mind. lol) It's funny because it's so impossible. 

He always has a plan. His goal is always to get us to the other side of what we are facing so we can say with Him - We made it! I was reading Jeremiah 31:3 this morning. It's where God told Israel through the prophet - I have loved you with an everlasting love. They were in the midst of captivity. Yet God was extending His love and mercy to them still. Every once in a while, honestly, caregiving feels a little like being a captive. I'm a captive of love - a bond slave to the situation since I choose to care for my son and my aunt. But God's love and mercy transcend the circumstances and still reaches out to our hearts to express His deep love.

Today, I will meditate on what it's like to rest in His love. I will let His unending love wrap my heart and my wounds and I will rest in that. My thoughts will be on how He reaches past circumstances of all sorts to extend His love to us. He is ruthless in His pursuit of us. That truth will carry me through today. I will rejoice in it - will you join me?

The Help I Need


Some mornings I read through a book of the Bible, others I look at one topic, or I follow a Bible study guide if I have one. This morning was one of those mornings I was all over the place but ended up in the right place. I had started reading in Psalm 138 where I left off yesterday, but then I started scanning back through the Psalms and found myself in Psalm 124. the last verse says this Our help is from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth. (NLT) 

Of course, this is a familiar verse for me. I even wrote a song to it when my son was first injured. I fell in love with Psalm 121 while living at the hospital with him. I put it to music with an old guitar one of his friends loaned me. Sure enough, I look back at Psalm 121 and it says the same thing. My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth! (NLT)

I put little arrows by those two verses - they are across from each other on the same page in my NLT. Then, I continued to read back through the Psalms. I really love how the psalmist are open, real, and raw about their fears and emotions. They didn't sugarcoat anything so their readers would feel better. They are down, dirty, and real. I can hang out with this kind of people. lol

As I continued over the pages I somehow ended up in Psalm 25. Guess what I found! Not the exact phrase, but one similar. Verse 15 says My eyes are always looking to the Lord for help, for He alone can rescue me from the traps of my enemies. (NLT) I was like - Wow! It's everywhere this morning so I must need to hear this - my help comes from the Lord.

I went back and forth reading these three verses. In my meditations I focused on how this Creator - of the ends of the earth - the One who breathed into Adam to make him a living soul and we are all still being sustained by that one breath - the One who measured the waters of the earth in a single palm and used a hand span to measure the heavens.....helps me. 

I don't know about you - but just that thought overwhelmed my emotions this morning. I know I run close to the edge lol - but my eyes sweated just a little bit as I let those thoughts roll out of my mind and onto the keyboard. I think I need an aid, a nurse, a doctor, another person and another set of hands would be nice too.... but God is all the help I need.

He can put that fire in my soul and give me the wisdom for making decisions, and the strength to carry on. While we are caring for another whole person (or more) as caregivers - He is caring for us. He's the ultimate caregiver! 

Today, I will meditate on how He is my help - and He is all the help I need. (But He does send help in flesh and blood sometimes too - and that's nice!) My thoughts will be on His greatness yet His careful watch over my heart. I'll set my thoughts on His overflowing mercy, peace, and grace. And I will thank Him and rejoice in Him today - will you join me?

The Strength I Need


 I spent my devotions in Psalm 138 this morning. If you have time today, take a minute to read through it. There are several nuggets that spoke to my heart. I want to pull out this verse for my day today. Verse 3 in the New Living Translation says this When I pray, You answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need.

I thought about that for quite some time. Firstly, I think we do gain strength when we pray. It's especially true as we bring our burdens to Him in prayer and then leave them there!  Of course, this is written by the warrior-king David. If anyone knew how to take their troubles to God in prayer and leave them there- it was David! I try to follow his example a lot. He prayed. He praised. He declared! I like that combination.

What I really wondered about this morning though, was how much strength I might actually need for today. Just for today. To say our proverbial plates are full is an understatement for most caregivers, right? So many things that have to be done on any given day. But every day only has 24 hours in it - no matter how it's sliced up. Then I asked, how much energy is God prepared to provide for me today? 

I'm kind of a high-energy personality and it might take quite a lot. lol. 

As caregivers, we never know what a day is going to throw in our lap, right? But it seems that God will give us the strength we need no matter what the level of need is. I think the key must be to trust Him for it. You know, like He gives us peace -not like the world gives - (John 14:27) But it's up to us to accept that peace and then let it reign in our hearts. Maybe the strength I need for today is kind of the same.

No matter what, He will make sure we can make it through today. Besides offering the strength needed to get through today - He also provides comfort, peace, and direction. Plus, He walks through each day with us and never abandons us to deal with the hectic craziness caregiving can bring alone. He's right there whether we see, hear, or acknowledge His presence. Actually, His presence goes before us into the day and then walks with us through it, and provides the strength we need all along the way.

Today, I'm going to thank Him in advance for giving me the strength I'm going to need today. I'll meditate on how He stays right with me no matter how crazy a day may get. My thoughts will be on the comfort and peace He provides - and how they do not wane or weaken over time. I like that. My prayer today will be that I will learn to lean on Him with more of myself and that I'll let Him carry me more. And with that - I'll trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Every Straw

 


Do you find yourself getting upset at the little things? I think as caregivers we run on high all the time that our emotions can stay on edge. We program ourselves to handle the big stuff, but those little things nag away sometimes. The big stuff, we just suck it up and handle it on the spot - call 911, call the nurse, or transport. It's the bigger stuff that we are able to kick into high-octane mode and push through. But those little things...

Sometimes, it's the littlest, even dumbest things it seems. Like I get angry because I didn't push the button on my coffee maker hard enough and it didn't start brewing. (Don't kid yourself - that's big stuff! lol) I was trying to reach around the handle on my bowl while eating oatmeal this morning and my sleeve got caught. I didn't even spill anything, but it made me mad that it was in my way. It doesn't take much to reach a max, does it?

Now, maybe this is just me - and you guys are always calm and collected. I know I'm high-strung. lol. But as caregivers, it's easy to live on the edge. For some, we live on the edge but can't express it for fear someone will think we are not able to perform our duties as caregivers. We treat aches and pains and avoid doctor's offices because we are afraid they will tell us to quit. And that's just not going to happen, is it?

But these things wear away at our emotions and drag us through mucky days. And you know what? I think it's just part of the caregiver's life. What's so cool about it all is that God is big enough for the big stuff - yet still concerned about the small stuff. That blows me away. Does He really care that my coffee pot didn't come on this morning? Does He know the company took a payment out of my account after I returned the equipment? Does He know my fears concerning Covid? Or that isolation is eating away at my soul? He does. He knows it all - the big and the "little." And He cares. 

God doesn't turn His eyes and ears away from us just because others think they are small, unimportant matters. He understands the burden we carry - and He sees every straw whether it's the one that will break the proverbial camel's back or the first one in the bag. Paul told us in 1 Peter 5:7 that we can cast ALL our cares on Him and we can let Him do the caring for us.

Now, God doesn't stand up there with a list of categories for things He will not carry. He doesn't toss things back and tell us that it's not on His responsibility list. He takes them all - big, small, and everything in between. Why? He cares for us - as a whole person.

Today, I will be thankful that God cares. I will be grateful that He listens to me offload all the things that are on my heart. He doesn't discriminate. He won't belittle. He won't tell me to suck it up and get stronger. He just cares about every straw on this camel's back. And just like that - a little gratitude and thankfulness go a long way to lighten the load. Today, as I trust Him with my soul  - my mind, my will, and my emotions - I'll thank Him for always being right there when I need Him. Will you join me?


The Encourager

 

chris and me at the park

It happens to the best of us. No matter how strong we are - or think we are. No matter how long we've been caregiving. No matter how mature we are in the Lord. No matter how faithful we are to pray and study the word. Some day, some time, discouragement will visit. It may even try to disguise itself as tiredness or weariness. It's at those moments when we are tired and fatigued that we are the most vulnerable. It's not a matter of if it's a matter of when discouragement will come knocking on our door.

For me - it's like today. I know I'm okay. But I also know Chris hasn't slept well in over a week and that begins to wear away at my strength and my soul. I get weary. Who wouldn't? I know you understand. I'm not weak in my faith. My trust in Him is still intact. The word is still rich and alive and I enjoy every moment I can soak it up. But I am tired. Well, it's actually a very good spot to be!

Why? You ask. Because I read last week in 2 Corinthians 7:6 that God encourages the discouraged. He can't encourage you if you are already encouraged. He'd be filling up a full cup. So being discouraged gives Him an empty (or partially empty) cup to pour Himself into. That's why it's such a good spot. God is faithful.

David encouraged himself in the Lord.  He was in a tough spot. The soldiers he'd fought alongside of didn't trust him anymore. He was abandoned. Then when he returned home to Ziklag, he found it ransacked by the enemy. They'd taken all their goods and all their people. His wives were missing. It says that he encouraged himself in the Lord. ( 1 Samuel 30)

It didn't say he reminded himself of what a great soldier he'd been. He didn't tell himself how strong and mighty he was. He didn't even remind himself of how he took out a giant with a sling and a stone. He encouraged himself in the Lord. To me that says he reminded himself of how great God was. I imagine he said, now David - you know God is faithful even when men are not. David - remember that God has His hand on you and He won't let you go. God knows your thoughts, your intents - your heart. God trusts you in this situation. He can still be trusted.

Encouragement that sticks is just that - reminding ourselves of who God is and all He's already done. He has carried us to this point in time and He will not abandon us now. He will always remain faithful to us - He will always be our caregiver, our shepherd, our loving Father, pastor, and comforter. And the list could go on and on. 

Today, I will remind myself of how far He has brought me and how He has stayed with me. I'll be thankful that He is patient and continues to keep my soul day after day and night after long night. He's not going anywhere. He's still got this. David said it this way - He's the lifter of my head. I will trust Him, the encourager, for one more day. Will you join me?


PS- The print version of 31 Days in Psalm 31 just released on Amazon today! Get your copy or your Kindle copy for just $5. 

The Continuum

 

Chris standing by me

This morning I read through Psalm 34. I love this psalm. Okay, so I love all of them! But this morning, this one is my favorite. Of course, that is subject to change based on the next one I read! I got stuck in the first verse. David says I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth. (NKJ) What stood out to me was that David uses two phrases that mean almost the same thing. He says he will bless the Lord at all times. Then he said that His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

I am a huge fan of David - I mean what's not to love about his genuine heart toward God? And what's not to love about the fact that he was human and messed up - more than once! But he's also the dude who took out Goliath while the army men stood there shaking in their boots. He's also the man who could play the harp beautifully and worship God wholeheartedly - then pick up a sword and wipe out a small army single-handedly. 

He was a worshiper and a warrior. These two were not mutually exclusive. He worshiped and he warred with all his heart. I kind of like to think of us caregivers like this. We have a lot on our plates and days don't usually come easy for us. That's the warrior part - because we put on our armor and face each day knowing the battle that lies ahead of us. 

But when we continue to praise God, bless His name, and look to Him for our strength - that's the worshipper part. You know? We put on His armor each morning and wipe mouths and other extremities because we love the one we provide care for. We do mounds of laundry due to accidents, prepare pureed foods - or other types of non-traditional food for feedings - because we love them. During a pandemic, we stay at home and protect them as much as possible. But that's not too new to most of us - we've lived in social isolation for years so we could care for our loved ones. You guys - that takes a warrior's heart. 

Now at the same time, we look to God for our strength, our joy, our sustenance, our comfort, and our peace every morning from the time we get up until we lay our weary bodies down at night. We understand that we do nothing truly alone - but only through the strength He provides. We praise Him for the small things - like a smile, a meal well eaten, no fevers in the night, and supplies that are delivered on time. We pull the essence of Who He is into every aspect of our day and let our hands care for one of the "least of these" (according to the world) to demonstrate His unending love, grace, and mercy toward us. Guys - that takes a worshipper's heart.

So today, I want to stay on the continuum - the sequence of praise. I will lift my voice to praise Him from the dawn to the sunset. My lips will bless His name from daylight to dark and I hope my soul sings in my sleep! I will be thankful that it is this huge, magnificent, very worthy of worship God who carries me through each day. As I roll up my sleeves to tackle the chores of the day - may every breath I breathe remain on the continuum of praise. Will you join me?

Whatcha Looking At?

window visit with aunt polly

 As caregivers, there are tons of things that demand our attention throughout the day. It can be different for each of us, but in general, we have to clothe, dress, feed, transfer, and make decisions for another whole person. It's an understatement to say our plates are full. For caregivers, that's plates - plural. They are all full and they all seem to demand our attention all at the same time. 

As I was reading through some passages in Paul's epistles this morning I realized his plate was full too. He wasn't a caregiver as such, but he did nourish and care for the baby church that had just been birthed spiritually. He had a lot on his plate too. He got discouraged, was afraid at times, and had his moments too. Paul was human.

But in 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, he reminded the new believers at Corinth that the treasure of Christ dwells in this clay pot. We hold the treasure of heaven in an earthen vessel. Then he says this:

  • we are hard-pressed on every side - yet not crushed
  • we are perplexed - but not in despair
  • we are persecuted - but not forsaken
  • we are struck down - but not destroyed
He goes on to talk about how we die so that Christ lives through us. Even though our flesh is suffering Christ is working in us. Then he goes on to say that we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things that are not seen. The things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Sure, we can get bogged down in the cares of the day. We all know we have a lot to do, right! And while we have responsibilities to fulfill - they are not where our focus should be. The things we cannot see - grace, truth, God's love, His mercy - are eternal. They are not disrupted by the things we are living through down here. Our focus is still to be set on the Kingdom of God - and all of Who He is. Considering these eternal, unchangeable, undisruptable things about God is what can carry us through each day. So, whatcha looking at? 

Today, I will shift my focus to the things about God that do not change. I'll meditate on His great love for me (and you), how He mercifully carries me through each day and long, dark night. My thoughts will be on His unshakable kingdom - that He put inside me. And with that I will trust Him for just one more day. Will you join me? 

If you enjoy these devotionals - check out my devotionals and Bible studies in my online  bookstore: Dove's Fire Ministries Education.

Sleepless Nights

This morning, as I was studying the Bible and reading some familiar passages, I landed in Psalm 121. It's an all-time favorite and I made the first verse or two into a song during the three weeks I lived in the ICU waiting room hoping my son would wake up. This first verse speaks of God being our helper and how the psalmist was looking to Him alone for help. It's not the aides, though a good one can be helpful. It's not the doctors or nurses, although they are an integral part of a good care team. But it is the Lord who is our helper - help, especially for our souls, comes solely from Him.

That's something to hold onto to encourage our hearts on a day to day basis, for sure! But today, my thoughts settled on verse 4. He who keeps you will not slumber, behold He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. Now, as a caregiver, you can understand how important the commodity of sleep is. Personally, sometimes I get a decent 6 hours of sleep, but there are many sleepless nights. I get grumpy if I don't get enough sleep even though I don't need as much as others. :-)

God, the ultimate caregiver, doesn't even need to sleep. That means He can keep a constant watch over us day and night. He doesn't take breaks. He doesn't take vacations, and He simply doesn't sleep. His watchful eye is always on us. The KJV says in Psalm 127:2 that the Lord gives to His beloved even in their sleep. I like that.

I love that God doesn't have to rest from being with me. Like a watchful father, He seizes those precious moments like a parent watching a child sleep. Did you ever watch your kid sleep? They seem so precious and innocent. You want to just scoop them up - but don't dare risk waking them, of course! So, you just stand there and watch them breathe.

God watches over us whether we are sleeping or waking and He never takes a break. Sometimes I have fallen into a dead sleep out of sheer exhaustion. Caregivers do that a lot I found out. But God doesn't do that. He sees us in those most exhausted states and extends His grace to us over and over again.

Today, I will be thankful that God continues to watch over us and He never takes a break. My thoughts will be on how He enjoys just watching us breathe. I'll meditate on His nearness and declare with the psalmist that the nearness of God is my good. And I will trust Him for just one more day. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...