Showing posts with label God knows. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God knows. Show all posts

Streams in the Desert

Yesterday, I paid for a sitter so I could go on a day hike. I chose to go to the Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge. It's a vast place with many areas I have not yet covered even though I've been there exploring many times. I always learn from nature, maybe that's why I am so drawn to keep going back. Several things stood out to me but one thing I kept noticing was beautiful little flowers growing along the rocky terrain. 

Over the miles, I kept seeing these colorful patches of flowers in such unlikely places. I wondered how they grew in such adverse conditions. But all it took was a little bit of soil and a few drops of rain here and there to make a desert, wilderness area pop with beauty. Of course, I drew the parallel to our lives as caregivers.

We live in what can be very rocky circumstances as caregivers. On one hand, each day is the same over and over. Yet there are so many unexpected things that become the norm too. I know you understand that! We never know when an aid won't show, we have to call urgent care or the doctor, or what any given day may bring. Many caregivers, myself included, deal with loneliness of unheard of depths because our friends are long gone and the few we have keep a "safe distance" like we have the plague. Even with the bright spots and joys of caregiving, it can be a very difficult, rocky place emotionally.

Yet in the midst of it all, God remains faithful and somehow in those little areas here and there where we think surely nothing could grow- He brings forth beauty. We don't always sense it or see it ourselves, though do we? Yet here and there are pockets of intricately designed beauty wrought by the hand of God. 

He is still intimately connected with us as caregivers. He still brings the rain to water the soil of the driest hearts - even though sometimes they are watered with our tears. God continues to bring beauty from ashes. Actually, He appoints beauty for ashes for those who mourn in Zion. (Isaiah 61:3) I remember reading this and thinking, wait  - there's mourning in Zion? Zion is the City of God - His dwelling place and yet there is mourning there. Wow. Yet He appoints beauty for ashes, and the oil of joy for our mourning - right there where we are.

In our moments of mourning, living grief, sadness, loneliness - God brings beautiful growth. Just like the beautiful flowers in the midst of dry rocky soil - somehow He is able to bring a thing of beauty out of our lives. Oftentimes, we don't see it ourselves, but it's there. His handiwork drawing intricately beautiful spots in the midst of our wilderness.

Today, I'm going to thank Him for continuing to work in me - even in the midst. I will trust that He is bringing beauty even when I don't see it or feel it myself. I pray that others see the beauty He brings  as they are on their own journey of faith. I will ask Him to show me the beauty He as appointed to me - in Zion. Will you join me?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Aren't you glad we don't have a screen on our foreheads displaying our every thought? Sometimes it might be useful, but I know there are lots of things that run through my mind every day that I would not want anyone to know about.

Caregiver's thoughts are busy - they have to be because we have so many things to work out every single day. Many times I've condemned myself for my own thoughts not realizing it really is the way we work through stuff. But there are lots of thoughts that simply cannot be shared with others. For the caregiver there can be lots of things that we choose not to share.

When I first brought my son home from the nursing home and started working with him full time, I realized how difficult life was for him. He struggles to do anything. I had some thoughts many would find unacceptable. The only one I dare share is that my thoughts were that it would've been better for him to die in the wreck rather than live this way. Immediately I condemned myself for thinking that only to do some research and find that it was totally normal to have those thoughts and emotions; they go with the grieving process. They are normal to have - but not normal to share.

I started thinking about this because this weekend during my personal devotions I found myself in Luke 7, a passage I've read probably thousands of times. But this time, I saw something different. It reads like this:

Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him (Jesus) saw this,
he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet He would know
who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, 
that she is a sinner."
And Jesus answered him,

I stopped there because that's what grabbed me. The Pharisee was upset that Jesus was letting this "sinner" wash His feet and had these judgmental thoughts. They were just thoughts - but Jesus answered them. If He knows the thoughts of the Pharisee, don't you think He knows the heart and thoughts of those who love Him?

Psalm 139:3 says He is intimately acquainted with all my ways. He knows my thoughts, actions and even the intents of my heart. Verse 1 of this psalm says He understands my thoughts.  I will rest in that today - knowing that He knows my thoughts - the good, the bad and the ugly - and He understands them. He understands me, the caregiver.

Today I will rest in the fact that God understands me - He gets me; and He offers no condemnation. I will rejoice in the fact that He is intimately acquainted with all my ways and knows me inside out. I'm okay with that. My goal for today will be to relax and not try  futilely to  hide my thoughts. I'm going to let Him run around in my thoughts and heart all day unrestrained and yield to His presence in my life. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...