Showing posts with label battles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label battles. Show all posts

I KNOW I'm Not Alone - Why do I Feel That Way?

Chris and Kyrie

 Do you ever feel alone? Caregiving has a way of isolating you and sometimes even in a crowd you can feel alone. Since I've become my son's aide, I feel more alone than ever. I know I am on the phone with people or in zoom meetings almost every day. But I still feel so very alone.

I remind myself that God is with me - a truth I hold on to. But it's so hard to not feel totally alone when you make all the decisions, do all the caregiving tasks, and can't find sitters for big events you really don't want to miss. I know that He said He'd be with me to the end. He also said He'd never leave or forsake us, but since God doesn't wear skin, it can feel like He's a million miles away from my day-to-day reality, no matter how much my heart holds to the truth that He is near.

Ah! The age-old battle between the mind and the spirit.

I started mentally walking through some Bible stories to find a character who may have felt very alone, yet God was with him. I landed on David. There he stood facing a giant, a foe of epic proportions like none other he'd ever faced. It was just him and Goliath. Was David alone? Nope. But certainly, he must have felt that way, right?

Saul tried to give David his armor and wasn't confident in sending "the kid" out to the battlefield. David had been talking among the ranks and asking soldiers what the prize was for defeating the giant. He didn't seem to ever think about any other scenarios - other than victory. His own brother tried to belittle him by asking where are those few little sheep you are supposed to be taking care of? This brother surely had seen Samuel anoint David as king, but refused to accept it and instead tried to make sure David knew he was the least, the youngest, the most unimportant piece in life's puzzle. So even though David had all of Saul's army present and "behind" him, he faced Goliath all alone. And that's where God showed up.

David must have looked and felt so small standing there in front of Goliath. He was likely shorter than the giant's staff. But David had told Saul that God had delivered him from the lion and the bear and he had no doubt God would deliver him from the giant too. So there stood little David all alone. Facing the giant and an army of frightened soldiers behind him - but not with him. But he trusted God and prevailed.

I propose today that even though we may feel sandwiched between a giant and our past God is with us on that field. We may hear the naysayers. We may not have any physical help. But God is showing up for us again and again. As caregivers, we face more than just one giant every single day. As a matter of fact, sometimes the smallest parts of life become huge giants because of our situations. But we can face them all in the name of the Lord.

Today, I will remind myself that I am not alone - no matter how alone I feel. I will tell myself to grab hold of those proverbial bootstraps and give it one more go. My thoughts will be directed toward the truth that God is with us - we never face the giants alone. I know I can trust Him to empower me to take them out one by one. So, I will trust Him with the giants of today. Will you join me?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle. My devotional 31 Days in Psalm 31 is all about seeking God from the cave! Check it out!



My Polite Journal

This morning I took some time to pour my heart out in my journal. My heart has been heavy for some time now. There are many things going on - but I'll spare you the details. (You're welcome!) If you haven't tried journaling, it can be a good strategy for stress relief. It's a safe place to let it all hang out! I had stopped for a while but this year I have picked it back up. Let me just say that I put more than my woes in my journal. I usually end with a prayer - or I write what God is showing me, what I am learning - and all those deep philosophical questions that rarely have answers. It's a polite catch-all for my sundry, sometimes crazy thoughts.

As I finished up the entry this morning, I ended with a couple of statements which became the first two lines of this poem:

Lord, hold me and hide me
Let me know You are beside me
As life's turbulent tides
Roll over and over me - 
Comfort me - pull me close
and help me see
There's more to life than the pain I feel
There's more to life than what
seems so real
Whisper to my soul that You won't abandon
But that You'll swoop me up
Out of the depths of this emotional canyon 
Remind me  can trust You even though
I am battle-worn
Let me know You've still got me
even though I'm bloody and torn
For in You I find my soul's true healing balm
Remind me I am not alone even though 
I look up and everyone's gone
You are there to speak and bring calm
Restore my joy, Restore my peace,
Restore my song
Help me remember You are with me and
You are for me all along

After I finished writing that I glanced at my open Bible and read from Psalm 119. Verse 132 says, Look upon me and be merciful to me, as Your custom is toward those who love Your name. He is always merciful, always faithful, always graceful toward us who continue to come back to Him because we love His name. 

Today, I will remember He alone has the healing balm for life. I'll meditate on His mercy that is new every morning and is rich toward us who love His name. I'll tie my heart to His - and listen to His beat over mine.. as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Digging Down Deep

Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason for the way caregivers feel. A day can be going along fine and our routine normal and then out of nowhere comes a wave of emotions or depression. Some days I wake up and am overcome by the mere thoughts of the day's tasks that lie ahead. Today is one of those days. How can I be tired before I even get started? And how can I be running behind before one task is done? I don't know. It can be difficult to determine  the exact cause of emotional distress. No matter what lies behind it, it must be worked through to finish the day's tasks.

Days like this are simply tiring but I'm afraid caregivers have many of them. How do we find encouragement and strength to get through the day and get everything done? No one is going to give us a day off! That's for sure. We find ourselves needing to dig down deep to encourage ourselves to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

David found himself in a position where he was all alone and his world had crumbled around him. He was fighting on the wrong side of the war with soldiers who didn't trust his motives so he was excluded. His wives were missing and he was trying to find a way to encourage himself in the Lord. He was in a position to dig down deep and find a way to make it through. Sometimes it feels like everyday is like that.

Today no matter how deep we have to dig, there is a way to find encouragement to make it through. Personally, my first thought is that He is with me. My mind goes to Psalm 46:1 where the psalmist says that God is a very present help in time of trouble. Verse 7 of this same psalm reminds us that the Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jakob is our stronghold. I remind myself that He has been with me for the entirety of this caregiving journey and He's not going anywhere!

Not only is He with me - He is carrying me on days when I feel like I can't go another step. He is a stronghold where I can hide from the storm until I catch my breath. But He also has a strong hold on me and my heart.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He has a hold on me and He's not letting go! I will turn my thoughts to His presence and the fact that He will remain with me through the toughest days and nights - and He has no where else to go! My heart will rejoice because He has my back and He gives me strength for the day. Will you join me today?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...