Questions, Questions, and More Questions

 

This morning as I was finishing up reading Genesis, I found myself asking a lot of questions. Of course, I know how the story is going to turn out and that's what sparked the questions. For instance, why didn't all of Jakob's sons go bury him and then just stay there after he died? Had they not come back - they wouldn't have been enslaved for all those years. Why were the Egyptians slaves too - but no one ever mentions that? Pharoah owned them. During the famine, they bought food with their money until it was gone. Then they bought it with their livestock - which they still cared for but no longer owned. Once all the livestock was Pharoah's, then they traded their land for food. Yet, they still worked the land as before. But now, they had to give 20% of everything they raised to Pharoah. But the big question was why Joseph did that? 

Joseph is one of our big-time Bible heroes. He held on to faith when it looked like the dreams God gave him couldn't possibly come true. He worked for Pharoah and was instrumental in enslaving a whole generation. How is that possible? These questions and a lot more were all running through my mind this morning.

But you know what - if they hadn't become slaves, there wouldn't have been a dramatic rescue written of in Exodus!

As a caregiver, I have lots of questions too. Why did the accident have to happen? Why hasn't God healed my son? (I still believe in healing.) Why doesn't God ride in on a white horse and rescue us? He has had plenty of opportunities in my opinion. lol. 

It's easy to get stuck in what we see - those things that are right in front of us. But God always has a plan. He shared that with Jakob before he died. God told Jakob that He would be back to get all his descendants. As a matter of fact, God explained what was going to happen to Jakob before he went to Egypt to be reunited with Joseph and to save his lineage. In Genesis 46:3, God told him that they would go to Egypt and become a great nation. God then explained that He would bring Jakob's descendants back again.

In the midst of our situations, our difficult circumstances, our questions - God always has a plan. And that plan is never to leave us stranded. I think of the disciples again. Jesus sent them across the waters - He sent them into a storm. Peter would not have had the opportunity to experience walking on water - and they would have never known the power of His peace if they hadn't headed into that storm. Jesus didn't show them how to avoid it - He showed them what peace, faith, and trust were in the storm.

Today, I want to spend some time looking at and reevaluating my situation. Am I missing opportunities to step out on faith and "walk on stormy waters"? I'll reevaluate my faith too - can I trust Him for the deliverance while I am still bound in Egypt? Can I look at where I am - but see Him where He is? And then, can I remind myself that I am seated with Him there? (Ephesians 2:6) Will you join me in asking ourselves these hard questions today while trusting Him to carry us through just one more day? 

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What? No White Horse?

 Early on in my caregiving journey - before I even realized I was on the journey - I kept thinking God was going to ride in on His white horse and rescue me. I recall sitting in the SICU waiting room thinking I would either wake up and it'd be a horrible bad dream. Or that Chris would just wake up and start getting better. I never dreamed I'd be still caring for him 13 years later. There was no way I could have even imagined here - from there. I had no idea what here looked like.

Needless to say, there was no white horse; and there was no dramatic rescue. 

However, what did happen was that time after time, day after day, moment after moment, God kept rescuing my soul from the emotional dungeon that was trying to drag my heart into its pit. He never abandoned me or left me no matter how bad it got or how badly I behaved. (Yes, I did that.) Instead, I found His calming presence always nearby waiting for me to calm down enough to accept and embrace His peace.

God didn't ride in on His white horse - but He also didn't shy away from the storm. If Jesus hadn't walked out to the disciples in the boat in the middle of a storm Peter would have missed the opportunity to walk on water. Jesus didn't calm the storm until after Peter got to demonstrate his faith - even if it was but for a few seconds. Hey, a few steps on the water - is still walking on water!

Joseph named his second son, Ephraim which means fruitful. He said - God has made me fruitful in this land of my suffering. (NLT) And God keeps doing that. He may not always rescue us from suffering or pain - but He is always right there with us. What He does is eternal. Joseph's gifts weren't taken back because he became a slave, he still interpreted dreams.

God's love, peace, mercy, grace, and presence are eternal. They don't wane over time; they remain.

Today, I will remind myself that God is still God even in difficult times. He may not send to rescue us out - but He will give us the opportunity to trust Him enough to walk on water, or save a whole generation like Joseph. We never know what He will do with us or how our story will be told. I'll meditate on His eternal attributes - and I'll think about how He doesn't take things back. He walks into my storm - your storm - with all of who He is - and He remains. I'll rejoice that He is with me today and that He still extends peace, grace, mercy, and love for today. Will you join me?

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Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.

To Be Loved

 

Most of us care for a loved one and it's all out of the love we have for them. My son is nonverbal. He makes some sounds and can definitely let me know when he doesn't like what I'm doing. lol - I do not know where he is mentally, I can only make assumptions. I also don't know how his thinking processes are working since he cannot tell me. One thing I tell him over and over is that I love him.

One of my deepest desires is for him to feel loved. I want him to know how much I want to take care of him and provide for him. But mostly, I want him to feel loved. Over and over every day I tell him he is loved. Every task and every chore is due to the love I have for him. I'm sure as caregivers, you can relate. 

As much as I love my son, and we love our caregivees, it can still be difficult to communicate that love even though every action is bathed in love for them.

That makes me think about our Father. 1 John 3:1 says behold the manner of love the Father has bestowed on us - that we should be called His sons. (children for those who need gender neutrality.)We are God's children and He loves us. And like our actions as caregivers communicates our love for our caregivee, God's every action toward us or on our behalf is motivated and driven by His love for us.

I wonder sometimes if God desires for us to know how much He loves us. I so want Chris to feel loved - does God feel that way toward us? Is it His deep desire for us to know we are loved? We are cherished. We are cared for and provided for. Is He as intense in His desires as I feel toward Chris? Probably. 

Zephaniah 3:17 says He will quiet us with His love. He will joy over us with singing. God rejoices over us and helps us find rest as we accept and walk in His great love for us.

Today, I will meditate on how passionately God cares for me. Each time I try to express it to my son - I'm going to accept the same from God. My meditation will be on the truth that He loves us so much - that He cannot even help it! :-) I'll purposefully quiet my soul today and rest in His love for me. Will you join me?

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Got a Dump Truck?

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you have a dump truck full of emotions? You're just looking for someplace to back up to and dump it all out, right? Today, for whatever reason, I feel that way. My emotions are over the top and I just don't want to do anything - but I want to do everything - all at once. I'm guessing it's just part of the caregiver's fog. lol

What's awesome about God is my crazy thoughts and whirlwind emotions don't scare Him away. Unlike people, He won't avoid me when I'm running full throttle toward nothing in particular. Instead, He patiently waits until I'm ready to dump it all at His feet. Then, once I do - His peace will fill the void left behind.

But sometimes, it takes a long time to get to the place where you can pour out your heart before Him. (Psalm 62:8) Maybe it's because there aren't the exact words needed to express what we are feeling. Maybe there is just too much to put into a few words or sentences, or even paragraphs. And maybe sometimes, it's just that we can't put our finger on it - whatever it is. We are stuck.

Yet He waits patiently. He waits as the emotional dump truck becomes fuller and fuller and fuller. He waits as it begins to topple over the top of the rails and falls like tears to the ground. He waits until we can't bear it anymore... He waits for us to back that dump truck up and dump it all out at His feet. Maybe it's frustration. Perhaps it's fear. For some of us, it's overwhelm. For many, it's cares that get heavier and heavier.

No matter what it is for each of us - He is patient. He doesn't have a list of exclusions - you know - things He doesn't want to hear about. God doesn't ever say - I don't want to hear another word about it - He longs for us to be to the place where we can back that dump truck up and pour it all out. Even if we can't sort it all out - He can do it for us. He knows what goes where and welcomes our hearts in any shape. He's even glad we come.

Today, as I back this emotion-filled dump truck up to His feet and try to start dumping it out - I will be thankful that he listens. I'll be grateful that He wants it all - and doesn't want me to try to handle it all on my own. I'll try not to sort it all out before giving it to Him. Instead, I'll just hand it all to Him in one motion - and wait for His peace to take its place as I trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

One Little Catch

 

There always seems to be a catch doesn't there? I think as caregivers we find ourselves in spots with catches a lot! The things that should be simple to navigate or often complex due to caregiving responsibilities. simple things like going to grab a prescription that's ready or swing by the grocery store are much more difficult when you have to take into account the care of a loved one. 

People may say, It's easy - just go - but by the time they get to the "go" part our minds are burdened with all it takes to just go. For me, it means clothing and transferring another whole human being! lol - There's no just jumping in the car and heading out, right? It's opening and lowering the ramp - getting the chair in the van and situation properly. Then, getting all the buckles in place and secure before we can "just go."

Sometimes God's answers seem to be complex too. In Psalm 50 verse 15, God says He will rescue us - all we have to do (just....) is trust Him in times of trouble. Yet another thing that sounds simple but becomes complicated by our thoughts and processes!

It's kind of laid out like a 3-step process. 

1. Trust Me in your times of trouble. 

2. I will rescue you!

3. You will give Me the glory!

So simple, right? Notice that it's a plural. Trust Me in your times of trouble. I love that. God understands that trouble may come back another day even after He rescues us today. For me - and all other caregivers, trouble can visit numerous times in a day. (lol) But IF I trust Him - He will rescue me every.single.time.

So, what's the catch? He says He'll rescue me - every time trouble comes. The catch is that I must trust in Him. The catch is that trouble is going to come - more than once even. He doesn't promise He'll carry us away from trouble and we'll never see difficulties again. But He does promise that He will rescue us - every time trouble comes.

Today, I will move in a little closer to His heart and listen for it to beat for me. No matter what may come today - I will purpose to trust Him with it all. All my emotions, cries, questions, and anything else that comes along with it - will be His today. I'll put all my troubles and myself into His hands for safekeeping today - won't He do it? Will you join me today?

The Sent Ones

 

When we think about Jesus sending out His disciples the12 being sent out to preach the gospel, heal the sick, and cast out demons come to mind. Maybe we think about the 70 He sent out later on. Or perhaps we even think about the Great Commission and how we are all sent to make disciples of all nations. What we don't think about is Matthew 14, when Jesus sent His disciples into a storm.

We could argue that He didn't know there was a storm coming - but since He is Jesus - that argument won't hold up. In Matthew 14:22 Jesus "made His disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake while He sent the people home." (NLT) After they boarded the boat and headed out across the sea, Jesus spent some time alone in prayer. While He was praying, the disciples found themselves on the sea, at night, fighting a bad storm.

He knew there was a storm building - but He sent them anyway. Of course, about three in the morning, He came to them walking on the water. But I still can't get over the fact that He knew there was a storm and He sent them anyway.

My point? God doesn't always help us avoid bad, difficult, hurtful, or hard situations. But He will come to us in our point of need. He will bring us His peace in the midst of the storms life tosses our way. He will equip us for the journey and He won't leave us alone in the storm. Think about this - if Jesus had said, there's a storm so I'm not sending you out on the boat tonight - Peter would have missed the opportunity of walking on water. The disciples would have missed a huge lesson on faith and trust. They would have missed the revelation that He was who He said He was. (verse 33)

God doesn't always protect us from the storm - but He keeps us in the storm. Just like the disciples, we learn so much in the midst of the storm. Our faith is stretched. Opportunities to trust Him abound. And we understand more about who He is - we see Him more clearly.

Today, I'm going to thank Him for the storms. My prayer will be that He will increase my faith and trust in Him; and that I will be able to see Him through the wind and rain. I'll look to Him on the rocky seas of life and trust Him for one more trip across the lake (translated - one more day!). I'm going to look for opportunities to trust Him and step out of the boat onto faith. Will you join me?

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A Mixed Bag

 

Do you ever find yourself wondering about the benefits of social media? Personally, one of the positives is that it's helped us stay connected, sometimes in a weird sort of way, through the pandemic. I've connected with "long lost" family members and friends. But sometimes, aside from those and maybe a few more positives, I just look at the screen and shake my head a lot.

Do we all really need to see what you had for breakfast? So, you found a penny while you were on your walk, and? Mixed in with the wonderful photos of family, friends, and vacation excursions is a mix of what? posts. There are heavy posts and light posts; humorous posts and serious posts. Sometimes, I'm like - you really need a group just for that. They probably have that too.

Groups for those who grieve, sing, pray, share photos of specific regions, love animals and the list goes on and on and on. It really is a mixed bag, isn't it? 

Sometimes my heart feels like a social media posting wall. lol. One second I'm happy - the next I'm in deep grief. One minute I'm singing and the next I'm crying. One time I am praying, the next I'm thanking God for answers while forming my next prayer. Anybody relate?

Honestly, I can't always handle social media. There are days trauma rolls through the pages. Sometimes, it's just memories that haunt me. I have to find a reprieve. I wonder if our lives look sort of like a social media platform to God. He scrolls down through all our heart's posts looking for something of substance. While I know that's not really how it is - what I do know is that He can handle my mixed bag of emotions, crying, rejoicing, grieving, singing, praying, and thanking. Whatever I've got in my "bag" at any time will not overwhelm Him. He doesn't need to take a FaceBook break from me. I so love that He can handle whatever I'm dealing with any given second, no matter how random, how deep, how serious or silly, or how fleeting. He's got me right where I am mixed bag and all. The key though is letting Him have the bag!

Today, I'm going to open up my bag and pour it out before Him. I'll give it up to Him and let Him do the sorting out because I kinda tend to get lost in it sometimes. My grief, happiness, need, desire, longing, - anything and everything is His today. You wouldn't think He'd be that excited about such a mixed bag of stuff, would you? But He loves it when we bring it all to Him. I'm going to hand Him everything and the bag - and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

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What Time is it?

 I spent my devotional time this morning walking around Psalm 37. Man, there is so much in that Psalm. I read the whole Psalm and then went back to reread portions of it. There are a lot of solid truths to hold on to and meditate on. I finally landed in verse 39. It says this The Lord saves the godly; He is their fortress in times of trouble. (1996 NLT)

The first part of this verse says that God saves the godly. He preserves them, protects them, and rescues them. But it was the second part of the verse that captured my thoughts this morning. He is their fortress in times of trouble. I read the verse a few times and thought about it for a while. Then, something captured my eye. It didn't say in one time of trouble. The psalmist said, in times of trouble. 

As we work our way through time, we may see many times of trouble. We WILL see times of trouble, no doubt. But He will continue to be our fortress. He continues to be our help. It's an unlimited resource for sure! There is no expiration date, and He didn't set a limit. What if it said He would be our help in three times of difficulty? Maybe He'd say you have five times to visit me as a fortress and protector. I am sure that as caregivers, we would have surpassed our limit long ago!

Instead, God is a perpetual protector. He just keeps being our refuge, our fortress, our strength, and anything else we feel we need every time we need Him! The only catch is - that we have to keep running to Him in order to hide in Him. 

Today, I will meditate on how He continues to provide a place of safety for my soul. I'll let my thoughts wander back and rejoice at all the times He has protected me up until now - and then I will purposefully run to Him again today and hide in His fortress once again. Will you join me?

A Story to Tell

 

This is my second attempt to do the blog post today! I had one about half-written. It was all about something that happened to me this week. It was a good thing - a great thing really. But I stopped. I thought I don't need to tell my story - I need to tell His story. As interesting as "my story" and your story may be, it really all comes down to His story - not ours.

Instead of giving you all the details of my life - I'd rather be talking about how He gives life. God is so good at it that He breathes life into so many circumstances, relationships, thoughts, dreams, visions, even ideas long thought dead. We've seen Him do it over and over again. Just when we think we cannot possibly take one.more.step. He breathes. He glances our way. He touches us with His strength, mercy, and love, and all of a sudden we have what we need for that part of our journies.

Instead of focusing on my shortcomings and failures, for they are many, I can shout out loud about the grace He's extended time and time again. He doesn't keep count on how many times we fall short, He focuses on our multiple returns to Him. That's the part He loves. And He accepts us into His presence no matter how angry we were at Him. He welcomes us with open arms no matter how long we gave Him the "silent treatment." He just loves it when we come back to Him and His embrace.

Instead of focusing on all the things that can go wrong in a day - I'd rather talk about how He intervenes on my behalf every.single.day. God has a way of taking the most difficult situations, the seemingly insurmountable circumstances, those between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place spots in our lives - and turning them into precious moments and great deliverances.

Let's talk about His story! One of great forgiveness and grace. His story is one of unfailing love and faithfulness. His story is one of great mercy and peace, provision, and direction. I love His story. 

Today, I will take my eyes of my story and focus on His story. Why? Because His story helps write the pages of my story. My meditations will be on His great mercy, grace, peace, and love. I'll turn my thoughts to how He's walked every line of my story with me, sometimes in spite of me. (smile) Knowing His story - helps me walk out one more day of my story. As I walk out my story - I'll keep my mind on His story and let it carry me today. Will you join me?

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I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!

The In and Out of it All

 In my reading this morning, I reached the story of Abraham, Sarah, and one of our favorites, Hagar. My mind stayed on the rejection Hagar must have felt. She was 'just a servant' in Abraham and Sarah's house. When she became Abraham's "wife" nothing really changed much for her, except that she became pregnant. I was thinking about all the rejection she had to have felt as I reread her story again. 

Then, my mind skipped ahead as I thought about how I'll be reading the story of Leah and Rachel as I continue to move through Genesis. What rejection these ladies went through, right? I thought a lot about how God met them where they were and how He touched and orchestrated their lives. I started thinking of others in the scriptures who endured rejection and could have let it stop them from being - from loving - from serving - from anything really. 

My mind stopped on the three Hebrew children and Daniel. They were captives. God delivered the mighty three from the fiery furnace, right? And Daniel was delivered straight from the lion's den. Remarkable and amazing stories of real faith heroes in scriptures. But did you ever stop to think that after their great deliverances they were still captives? 

God met these heroes in the fire, in the lion's den, at the well, etc. But He didn't change their natural circumstances, they remained. How we would be amiss if we didn't recognize God's power intervening in situations even if our circumstances never change. We may never know why God intervenes when and how He does sometimes and then other times seems silent. Maybe He's just sitting there looking and waiting for those perfect spots to step out of eternity and touch us in time. 

Our heroes continued to trust God for the day-to-day even after God intervened in a single situation without changing their overall circumstances. God saved them in their situation - not out of it. God can walk into our today too and make a difference. And while our situations remain the same day after day, He is always right here to act on our behalf and meet our most basic natural and supernatural needs.

Today, I will think about how He intervenes for me so often. I'll go back and think about how He changed situations I thought couldn't change, how He rearranged things that I thought would stay the same. My heart will be thankful for His interventions in my life and I'll meditate on His continued goodness and care as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Seek and Ye Shall Find

In our lives as caregivers, there can be a lot of things to complain about, right? On the most typical day, so many tiny things can go wrong. With the load we carry every single day, even the smallest things weigh so much. Something small like a dropped fork becomes a catastrophic event. Of course, this is a mild exaggeration, but it really feels that way sometimes. We can easily live on the emotional edge where every feeling can be intense. I may have discovered a way to counter some of it.

 As I was taking care of Chris this morning, I found myself finding little things to be thankful for. Of course, I see his hands are severely contracted, but I was thankful for the little bit of movement some of his joints still have. As I continued to go through our morning routine of changing out the gauze in his hands, cleaning the feeding tube and changing its pad, and dressing, I kept purposefully looking for things to give thanks for. A funny thing happened....

My whole demeanor changed. Now, that wasn't the purpose, but it was easily identifiable. I began to feel lighter, less depressed, and in an overall better mood. I thought, geez, what if I did this more often? (Now that's a thought, huh?)

What if as we navigate through our caregiving days, we purposefully look for thankful moments. It's easy to find the rough spots. It may sometimes seem like the hard stuff seeks us out - huh? But what if as we move through today we try to find things to be thankful for? It's an actual game-changer and attitude lifter! Not only is there power in gratitude, but there's also a real perspective adjustment that occurs.

Jesus said - seek and ye shall find. These words are true, of course. But we really will find what we are looking for. Are we looking to be sick? We'll find a growth, a bump, a spot - or something to worry about. Are we looking to be lonely? We may miss the true impact of a friend's quick text or phone call. We won't be able to see past what we are looking for to the reality of what we have.

Today, I will switch my focus to finding Him right here in the cave. I'll purposefully shift my gaze toward things I can be thankful for rather than things that send me over the emotional edge. Nothing is too small to generate thanksgiving, I won't overlook a thing! Will you join me?

Our Shield

 

As a new year unfolds, I take a soul inventory. I think about the things I  "invested" in last year. Maybe I invested some money, time, or just thought. My goal is to see what things merit continued investment. As a caregiver, you know how limited our time is each day, so we have to make the most of it. Some things can't be compromised like our own health (mental and physical), our jobs, other relationships (if we have any!), and our spiritual wellbeing. But some things can be cut for sure.

I was thinking along these lines in terms of how I care for Chris. What things do I need to make sure are in his days and which things are unnecessary? Right now, I want to focus on keeping him as comfortable as possible and as mobile as possible even with his limitations. I want to help him have more "experiences." He seems bored and unengaged here at home, but as soon as we get in the van - he pops his head up and looks around like crazy - more outings are on tap if it's just driving around in the country! (That is beneficial for us both, I'm sure!)

Most of all, though, I want him to feel genuinely loved. I have no way of knowing if he "misses" his friends or not. But I did show him a picture of his last girlfriend - he stared at the picture for a very long time and heaved the longest sigh I think I've ever heard. Can I shield him from the pain of wondering where she went? Can I protect him from the rejection of all his former friends? (I cannot and will not blame them - they had to move on with their lives, of course!) 

Then I realized I am not exactly his shield. I cannot shield him from rejection, loneliness, or any other emotion, especially since I really don't know what he feels. But that sense of desiring to protect and shield him is how God feels about us. He won't interfere. He won't always "fix" every situation to our satisfaction. But His heart longs for us to feel His love and care. He wants us to know that He's going to bat for us in ways we cannot see or may never know. 

David said in Psalm 3:3 - But You, O Lord, are a shield around me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. (NASB) He's got us covered today - and every day.

Today, I will make an effort to realize His shield around my life and my heart. I'll meditate on His great love for me - far greater than the love we feel for our loved ones. I'll be thankful that He is near - because He wants to be - no one is demanding that He be near  - He chooses to come near us even when we feel most broken. I'll thank Him for His nearness and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!

Seen and Heard

Do you ever feel like no one really hears you? How often do you feel invisible to the rest of the world? It seems these are common to the caregiver. Sometimes, it's the system that meets the letter of the law but doesn't really meet our needs. One example is handicapped parking spaces. You know I rant on this one often. lol - But seriously, many places meet the requirements of the law but not the practicality needed to meet the 

If there is a space, the ramp takes up all the side space. That means you can unfold the ramp, but there's no room for a wheelchair - which is the intent, right? Another example is the ramp up to the sidewalk is made of rigid stone. There's a ramp - just like the law requires. But pushing a manual chair up it and over the rocky edges is impractical and difficult, although doable. 

Thirdly, hotel rooms! They love to advertise that they are handicapped accessible and comply with ADA. Sometimes, that means the room is a bit bigger than normal. But oftentimes it means you can get to the sidewalk or in the room. Seriously, one hotel that told me on the phone (I always call first) told me they were fully accessible and I could get Chris in the room. He didn't lie, technically. But I literally could get his chair in the room far enough to get him in the bed and that was it. There was no room to get his chair across the room to the bathroom. Smh.

These types of things can often make us feel like we have no place. It's probably similar to the way Mary felt as she and Joseph went from Inn to Inn hoping to find a place to stay. We can thank God if we are not pregnant caregivers! LOL Hagar had similar feelings I'm sure as she felt forced to leave the comforts of her home. But she had two encounters with God as she began her journeys. 

In the first encounter, she said You are a God who sees me." (Genesis 16) And in the second encounter, God heard the cries of the boy. (Genesis 16). Hagar realized that God could see her and could hear her and her son. God can see and hear us too - whether the rest of the world dismisses us, ignores us, or never looks our way. He is still a God who sees and hears. He doesn't close His eyes or turn off His hearing - He watches over us and He listens.

Today, I will remind myself that God still sees and hears. His hearing is so good in fact, that He hears the things I don't dare say. He hears words in my tears. He sees the tears before they form. I will rejoice that He is still with me right here, right now - and He's not going anywhere either! Will you join me?

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