Showing posts with label psalm 139. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psalm 139. Show all posts

Behind and Before


One of my friends just had a brand new beautiful baby girl. Celebrating new births always makes me think of Psalm 139. It’s definitely one of my most marked-up psalms! I also had Jeremiah 1:5 running through my head. Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. I read back through Psalm 139 again, it’s got so many encouraging spots in it if you haven’t read it in a while, it’s a great read for today!

This whole psalm is great, but a couple of things stuck out to me this morning in particular. In the first verse, David says O Lord, You have searched me and known me  - and I added a note in my margin – “And it’s okay!” It’s okay that He knows our thoughts, our words before we speak them, when we get up and when we get down. I’m quite alright with Him seeing and knowing every part about me and my days.

You see, He sees those parts no one else sees. As a personal example, I maintain a FB page for my son’s progress. I post to it every day or so as he does something notable like standing alone, moving something new, or making new sounds. What I don’t post are the in-betweens. You know, those days he doesn’t do something remarkable and I am sitting around wondering what I’m doing wrong, if I’m doing enough – totally second-guessing myself. I leave those days out – so no one sees the struggle side. All I share and all they see are those great moments.

But God sees past all that. I’m sure He monitors social media lol – so He is aware of the progress notes I keep updated on Chris. But He sees far past my posts – and sees when my heart is discouraged when I’m feeling defeated. That’s a place no person is allowed to go. I keep it hidden in general. But God sees it – He knows.

Maybe that’s why on down in verse five David says this: You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand on me. He knows my thoughts – the good, the bad, and the ugly! He sees when I start spiraling down in my emotions and despair tries to set in like rigor mortis to the soul. It’s easy most of the time to keep those emotional parts of the caregiving journey to ourselves. But He knows. And He has already prepared to walk through it with us.

Early on I told my son I was committed to the journey. I whispered in his ear, Chris, I can’t walk this for you, but I will walk it with you. God cannot walk this journey of life for us – but He is certainly committed to walking it with us. Behind and before – He’s got us covered. Actually, He’s already walked it before us – and He just comes in behind us to undergird us and provide strength and encouragement to our souls.

Today, I will meditate on how God is behind and before – how He is committed to this journey I am on – this journey you are on. He willingly walks it with us. He’s already been through today – and made a way for us to continue trusting Him in spite of the storm. I’ll turn my thoughts to how He truly understands what makes me – me. He knows my thoughts when they only leak out as tears, and He doesn’t run away. He continues to walk with me and wait for me to come to Him. I’ll be thankful for His patience with me as I trust Him for one more day – will you join me?

Behind and Before

This week I've continued my studies in Psalm 62. I'm still meditating and writing out some things from this phrase in verse 5 let all that I am. It's more than "okay" to bring all that we are before Him, it's required for a whole relationship. While thinking about bringing all that I am (and all that I am not) before Him openly I found myself once again in Psalm 139.

It seems David understood how intimately God knows us - whether we acknowledge it or not. I love this whole psalm, but as I was reading and rereading it this morning this phrase in verse 5 stood out to me - Behind and before.

David is in the middle of a discourse about how God knows us through and through. He knows our thoughts, words, deeds, ways, movements... pretty much everything! Then David says this You have hedged me behind and before and laid Your hand on me. (NASB) I paused for a bit to think about that. God has hedged us - enclosed us. So I wondered, what did He enclose us in?  Time?

I think He has enclosed us behind and before with Himself. He covers us. Surrounds us. He's got our past covered and our future covered with His grace. And He's not afraid to touch us - He has laid His hand on us! It seems to me that He has made us the center of His attention. He makes sure our paths (although not perfect, smooth, or easy) are wrapped by Him. If we can see ourselves encapsulated in His presence, surrounded by Him - it makes each step a bit easier, I think. I can't step far enough to step away from Him. My pathway cannot get so entangled that He is not in the next step. I'm hedged in behind and before. I love that thought!

Today, I will think about how His presence surrounds me. There wasn't an "off" button because I became a caregiver. He isn't afraid of our live's picture and He's not scared to reach in and touch us either. I'll be purposefully grateful that He's got me hedged in and His hand is still on my life. And as I meditate on how thoroughly He has me covered - I'll just rest in Him and trust Him for today. Will you join me?

The Womb of Seclusion

Psalm 139 has been a long time favorite. As a child I read it and marveled; and then I read it to my children and marveled even more. How could this God be so "intimately acquainted" with all my ways? How could He know me inside and out? Even more amazing, how could He know everything about me, all my quirks included and still love me? This is what I get out of Psalm 139 - that He really does know me inside and out - but continues to love me no matter what He saw before the world began, what He has seen while I have walked through time - or what He sees about my future here in time and with Him. I guess what gets me most is that He looks at my life in its entirety - and He doesn't look away. He never says it's too ugly, too messed up or too anything for Him.

In verse 12, I read this: but even in darkness, I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and night are both alike to You. (NLT) I like that because to me it says that the things that can hinder my vision, do not block His. When it looks dark to me - it's not dark to Him. If things look blurry to me - they do not appear blurry to Him. When I am stumbling around trying to reconnect with faith, find my way in the dark or just trying to figure out a way to not give up in the pain -- He sees quite well. The darkness is not dark to Him!

He can see past my pain, confusion, hurt and despair - and right into the womb of my heart to the things He is birthing inside. God has not left our hearts unattended for even one moment. Just like when we were being formed in the womb of our natural mothers - and He watched me be formed in utter seclusion (v. 15) - He is watching the things He birthed in our hearts be formed in the utter seclusion  of the life of a caregiver. Even though there are times when we can feel we do not live like the rest of the world; and that we live a very secluded lifestyle - He is watching His purposes form inside of us in the midst of the seclusion.

Today I will meditate on what He has planted inside of me. And if I am not sure what that is - I'll ask Him to show me. I'll ask Him to show me how Christ is being formed in me - (Galatians 4:19) Will you join me?

Where Did Everyone Go?

Psalm 139 is a greatly used psalm, but we mostly use it to tell our children how special they are to God. So special of course that they were wonderfully made, and how God was watching and supervising their growth in the womb. However, this psalm is for adults too! God did not abandon us when we got older did He?

The Psalm begins with out intimately acquainted God is with our ways. Some days, honestly, that seems a little intrusive, don't you think? It can be scary to think that He knows our thoughts even before they are formed! He knows our thoughts, our words, our works and even our every movement!

Now the point is of course, not that God is watching over us to whop us if we make a wrong move; it's more that He is so deeply concerned about us that He is constantly keeping a watch on our soul. In a time in our lives (as caregivers)when we can feel so very abandoned and alone...He is still watching.

Maybe we do not understand where everyone went. When tragedy first strikes we are surrounded with caring people who are willing to do anything to help. But it seems that this is only true if it does not disrupt their schedule or if your situation doesn't go on too terribly long. But long after they've gone on with their lives here we are still holding on...and it can be a very lonely place.

But God is so constantly aware of where we are. He has not abandoned us and he will not walk away because our load gets too heavy for Him to bear. When every one else forsakes - He is still there! He will bring us comfort and peace. Take a moment today to sit down for just 5 minutes (and I know that's hard to find!) and think about His ever-abiding presence even in your situation...He's there!

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...