Showing posts with label challenges of caregiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenges of caregiving. Show all posts

Held Up

Kyrie hugging Chris

 One thing I hear from caregivers a lot is that there is often not enough help. Recently, I requested a few hours of respite just because I literally have zero breaks. For many of us, it's a 24-7 deal. Even for those whose loved ones can be left alone for any amount of time, it's still rough. Someday, I'd like to go somewhere and not feel like I have to watch the clock so closely. Even if we are given a few minutes or hours to ourselves, we can't turn "off" all the caregiving switches. Right? Who will admit to running caregiving errands while you are being relieved by a sitter or another caregiver? (We all do.)

Anyone who tells you that caregiving is easy - just hasn't done it yet. It is indeed a labor of love. It may be instinctual. It is what we do. But the journey is rocky and rough at best, even if things go smoothly for 10 minutes now and then. (Lol.) So many factors feed into a single day; it's quite overwhelming, at best, even when things are good.

I was so happy to find this verse that lept out at me during my private devotion time this morning. I found myself in Colossians 1. In verses 15 to 17, Paul is talking to the new church about Christ, His role, and His power. In verses 16 and 17, he said, Everything has been created through Him and for Him. He existed before everything else began, and He holds all creation together. (NLT,1995)

When I read that last part, my mind when through a series of thoughts like scrolling through a PowerPoint. I thought, "He created everything. I'm an everything." Since He created me - and He holds all creation together - He's holding me together! I liked the picture that those thoughts formed. On those days when I feel like I just can't do one more thing - He holds me together. When my month has several days left, but the bank account is empty. He holds me together. When Chris is sick, and I'm trying to decide on the next level of care. He holds me together. I know that this is not really what Paul was talking about - but I also know that there are many days that He is the only thing holding me together.

Today, my thoughts will be on how He holds me together and holds me in His heart. I'll think about the image I have of Him just holding me close. When I am trying to piece together this puzzle called life - I will trust Him to hold me together. It's so amazing that this big, big, God stoops to be part of our day-to-day. But I'm glad He does. Will you join me as we let Him hold us together today?



What's That in Your Eye?

There are many aspects about caregiving that are just flat out difficult. It's not for the fainthearted or weak, that's for sure! :-)
Each day can have its own challenges that only caregivers understand. But one thing that I feel is a prevalent battle is the social isolation. My social life is virtually non-existent. And for those who can get out some - it's an understatement to say it's way different from BC (before caregiving).

I can only share how I feel, and maybe it's just me, but I can feel like an insignificant bump on the face of the earth. Not only do I not have a social life, but I feel like I am more of a burden on society than a contributor. There are times I have to stay completely off social media because it can trigger a battle with depression.

BC I was a goer. I loved to travel, I loved to go. I was always hiking, exploring, driving new roads and finding new adventures wherever I was. For me, when I see people posting pictures of their latest vacation, or weekend getaway to the beach, I can start to feel even more isolated and deprived. The caregiver doesn't always have the freedom to go and do like we'd like to.

Yesterday, I found out some decisions about my parents had been made without my input. It wasn't really a bad decision, it just hurt that I wasn't a part of it. Does that make sense? Not only was this decision made without my participation - it basically cut me out of the decision--making process for the future as well. Not really that big of a deal. However, it drove me into a deeper aloneness that seemed to swallow me whole.

It felt as though I was being told one more time - just be your son's caregiver - you are not important. I felt rejected, not needed. Insignificant.

As I awakened this morning, these feelings of insignificance were still swirling around in my head. I struggled to make some sense of it, to find a way to wash it away. So I asked God what He thought. I asked, Am I also insignificant to You? My immediate thought  - I'm sure He whispered it to me - was that I am the apple of His eye.

Now I am familiar with the phrase from scripture but I had to look it up. David prayed in Psalm 17:8 for the Lord to keep him as the apple of His eye. I noticed one translation said the daughter of the eye. Since I'm a girl - I liked that! Then in Zechariah 2:8, God told the prophet that He would protect Jerusalem and that whoever touches her was touching the apple of His eye. I smiled. It felt like God was trying to tenderly tell me He's got me.

I may feel isolated. I may feel socially unacceptable. I am different - and I'm okay with that. Caregivers are still human, you know! (Even though we've been known to pull off some pretty-near super human feats! - where's my cape? lol) We still feel. We can still contribute. It's just different. And even though family, friends and society may feel differently about caregivers - God doesn't.

Well, maybe He does. Maybe, just maybe He pulls us in a little closer, protects us a little more closely, and speaks tenderly to us a little more often. Because caregiving doesn't remove us from being an object of His love.

Today I'm going to look at God knowing I am what is in His eye. My meditations will be on His unchanging love and tenderness toward me. I'll turn my thoughts to how He holds me, He loves me even in my craziness. In my loneliness he hasn't abandoned me. I'll think about how He's walking this out with me day after day. He doesn't quit when it gets ugly. My pain is not repulsive to Him. I am not repulsive to Him. He cares. And with that, I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...