Daily Devotions for Caregivers

 I touch on grief a lot because it's such a part of the caregiver journey. I've experienced different kinds of grief, of course. With my mom, it was a slow-moving grief as I watched dementia slowly take her mind away. We had always been close friends and worked in ministry together. We visited via the phone almost every day, until she began her decline. I honestly didn't grieve her death as much because I lost her long before she passed. With my son, it was totally different. One day, he was an active, vibrant drum-playing, fun-loving 24 year old. The next he was nearly a vegetable. It took me a long time to figure out that I was allowed to grieve the loss of my son, even though he was technically still here. God doesn't condemn grief. I was reading in John  20, this week. which gives us the account of Jesus' resurrection from the dead. The disciples had watched their hero be brutally murdered on the cross. All their hopes and dreams were dashed. Of course, they had

 One of the things I've really enjoyed since we moved to this apartment 3 years ago is growing plants and flowers. I have two patios that are great for growing a variety of plants. Some flowers grow out in front of the patio - the ones that love the sunshine and heat of summer. Others, I put in different pots and place them decoratively around the patio. It's something I have enjoyed now for three summers. I'm already planning next year's plants!  Among the plants are some flowering varieties. I don't like a lot of flowers due to allergies, but I like a few. Some of my plants flower at different times. They are all carefully inspected each morning when I go out to water them all. But they are also watched closely all day long as I sort of patiently wait for the flowers to open over the course of the day. I planted them. I water them. I fertilize them. I move them if they need more or less direct sunshine.  As I was tending to them this morning, I had this little vis

 I wonder how many prayers a caregiver prays in a day. Have you thought about that much? I don't guess I have thought about it much until today. As I was leaning over my son's bed, trying to trim the fingernails on his contractured hands, I prayed. It's definitely not the first time, and certainly won't be the last time I prayed for a miracle for his hands. I wondered how many times I had prayed already.  The obvious frustration is in the praying without answers, of course. How many times have I prayed that he would speak again, walk again, or be able to move his hands again? I honestly don't know the answer to that question, but I would imagine that God does. Yet, there has been no answer. Of course, I rejoice in the progress Chris has made, especially in this last year. I continue to pray. As I was rolling all of this around in my little brain this morning, I couldn't help but notice that I didn't get the answer I wanted. What do we do when God doesn't

 I don't know about you, but I know about me. There is a lot going on in this little brain of mine. It seems like my list keeps getting longer and more difficult. It is so easy to get carried away in thoughts and plans, mostly because there is so much that has to be done on any given day (every day). After not getting much sleep at all for the last few nights, it seemed like my list of concerns was long and heavy this morning. It didn't take but a few seconds to feel like I was totally overwhelmed. I knew I had to do something to avoid the long, dark slide into the caregiver's fog. The first order of most mornings is to get a scripture together for my FaceBook Live devotions, "Peace Out." Honestly, I just didn't feel like it. Then, I told myself that I wasn't going to be talking about me - I'd be talking about God and His word. I encouraged myself to shift my focus off my long list and onto Him. So, I did. I went to Isaiah 9:6-7. There, I found a list

  This morning, I turned the pages of my Bible to Jonah. It's a short, powerful book about a selfish prophet, Jonah. I'm surprised he wrote it all down and revealed his true character in it. What does Jonah have to do with caregiving? Give me a minute. :-) Jonah was instructed to go to Ninevah, so he literally got on a boat going in the opposite direction. The storm came. The sailors tossed him overboard. God prepared a fish to swallow Jonah. But then, God met Jonah in the belly of the whale, maybe just to show him that even in straight-up disobedience, Jonah was not beyond the reach of God's heart. (Compassion Point #1) Of course, Jonah repented and went to Ninevah to declare that because of their evil and wicked ways, God was going to wipe them out. But they repented. Like, seriously, repented with fasting and everything! And God didn't destroy them. (Compassion Point #2) All of this made Jonah mad, and he even declared that He knew God was so merciful that He wouldn&

 As caregivers, we never know what a day will bring. Even our smoothest running days are filled with challenges. The reality of our situations, even though they vary, is that we mostly navigate from one challenge to the next just to get through the day. All those normals like life-changing phone calls, unexpected bills, or other minor emergencies (Is that an oxymoron?) may interrupt an already overloaded day. There really aren't too many things that are negotiable when it comes to caregiving. Additionally, if we experience an illness, no matter how "mild" it may be, it can be catastrophic for our day, as well as our loved ones. Not feeling well for the caregiver can be scary and start a series of thoughts, fears, and anxieties. I don't know about you, but I worry about how much longer I can continue to take care of my son physically. For now - we are good, but we don't know the future, and it's always looming.  Along with the baggage of normal life, we have a

It's all in the details. I've been an avid reader all my life. When I was a teen, I'd stop by the library on my way home from high school. I'd choose five or six books to check out and carry home with me. My plans for the weekend were to pile up on my bed or the couch or sit outside and read to my heart's content. Oh, I wasn't going to read all six books, of course. I would read all the first chapters to see which ones caught my attention. It was those little details that either captured my attention or turned me off on the book. No one likes to have to read a book that doesn't draw their interest. The details, including the conflict, are what make a story interesting, wouldn't you say? So it is with our lives, I think. We each have a caregiving story, and the details are what makes each one of them unique, complex, and interesting. The problem with our stories' personal details is that those are also the little things we have to deal with from day t

  There used to be a game show on called "Baggage." It was a dating game and one person was supposed to choose from among 3 for a date. In each stage of the game, participants revealed a bit more of their "baggage" and the chooser eliminated potential dates based on if they could put up with their extremes or not. If it was too much for them, they told them to "pack their bags" and scoot on out the door, it was too much baggage for them.  I thought of this show this week as I read a post in a caregiver support group. The person felt like her family "didn't want to hear" about her caregiving and its challenges. In essence, they felt it was "too much baggage" and they were not willing to even help carry any of it. I empathized with the caregiver (of course), as I've come to the place where I think I understand that most people just want the highlights. They want to ignore the nitty gritty of caregiving. That leaves us emotionally

In yesterday's blog, I used a phrase that basically came out of nowhere. I wrote that God is our light in the back of the cave.  As caregivers, we can find ourselves comfortable in our little caves. Maybe it's just me, but I get discouraged when we try to do "normal" things. Trying to be normal presents a great challenge when your life is anything but normal. It's difficult to travel, go to the gym, run to the grocery store, or have a game night with friends (if there are any left!). Over the last 15 years, I've found myself moving further and further back into the cave and venturing out far less.  Spending life in a caregiver's cave is what drew me to Psalm 31 a few years ago and the primary reason the passage spoke to me so deeply. It was also written while David was hiding from Saul in the cave. Although our reasons were very different, we found the cave a safe place, and God met us there. I spent so much time in Psalm 31 and the proverbial cave that I

 If there is anything, one thing, that is consistent in the caregiver's life, it's change. But of course, it's not the stuff you count on changing that gets us. In the caregiver's cave, change can come in an instant. And if we do get adventurous enough to make plans, you can be certain something will happen. For instance, I was planning on going to church with my aunt and uncle yesterday, but instead, we ended up sitting in the ER most of the afternoon. And that was after being up literally all night Saturday night.  We just never know. It happens on a smaller but just as frustrating scale as well. We can enjoy a chuckle when it's not a fresh experience, right? But don't you hate going into a store for an item, and they just decided to not carry it anymore? Wally-World is the worst  at that. I purchased my coffee there for years, and one day - they just stopped carrying it. Talk about breaking trust. Lol.  I did the same thing with Sam's Club. I got the card

 I don't know if anyone ever "expects" to become a caregiver. Even if we watch our elderly loved ones as they decline with age, we are never quite prepared for caregiving. It really is a day-to-day operation, never knowing what a day will bring, good or bad. We spend some days just trying to keep our heads above water and survive. Other days are a bit easier, even though we mostly live in survival mode.  Caregivers never know what to expect. Who will be there to help us, lift us when we need it? Or will we walk alone on this caregiving journey? Each day, it seems, can bring many unexpected things. Honestly, some mornings, I wake up wondering what will be lost in the next 24 hours. That covers everything from finances to friends, right? In some ways, we adjust our lives to the unexpected stuff. We learn to take the punches (wherever they come from) and keep rolling when it comes to caring for our loved ones. But every once in a while, we do stop and take account of what we

  There is nothing that comes close to the beauty of caregiving. It all comes down to one person who is willing to lay down their own life and set aside their own comforts for another. That's a beautiful picture. But as caregivers, we also know that all the aspects of caregiving aren't beautiful. There are some tough things, rough times, and lots of unmentionables that go on in a typical day. Some things are too deep to talk about. Other things are not socially acceptable topics. You know, the stuff you can't talk about with the family around the dinner table. :-) Some things we must remain silent on and just trust that God sees it all. However, I found something shocking in the Bible this morning. Well, it wasn't exactly in the Bible, but in the Strong's definition of a term used in Psalms. It covers our unmentionables.  My reading this morning took me to Psalm 66. In verse 12, it says we went through the fire and through water - but you brought us out into abundan

 This morning, I found myself in Psalm 139 again. I love this psalm! It reminds us of how up-close-and-personal God really is with each of us. It seems like the more I read it, the more I see the layers of God's grace. My thoughts and meditations centered around verse 3 this morning. This verse in the New Living Translation (1997) says You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment You know right where I am. I love that God understands the complexities of the caregiving life. With that in mind, my thoughts went a whole different way with the phrase, "right where I am." We are multi-dimensional beings. We are a spirit. We live in a body. And we have a soul. But to each of these "layers" or aspects, there are a multitude of other facets. Nothing is just cut and dried. For caregivers, I think we need to add more layers to each of the dimensions of our beings, don't you? :-) But even in all the complicated messes and complexities

 I grew up with a phrase I haven't heard in a long time, "the devil is in the details." But I want to turn that around today and say that God is in the details. He is "working all things out for good," according to Romans 8:28, and I do believe that. But He does fail to notify us of the details. David was anointed to be king of Israel. But God didn't reveal anything about the journey it would take to get there. He didn't mention facing a giant along the way. There was no mention of running for his life and hiding from Saul, who wanted to kill David. God just promised the kingship. Joseph didn't get any details either. He knew the end of the story - he'd reign. Someday. Somewhere. There was no mention in those early dreams that his own brothers would betray him and sell him into slavery. God didn't tell Joseph that he'd spend years in jail for something he didn't do, either. God only told Joseph of the destination, not the details. Pau

 This morning, I read the story of the Three Hebrew Children in Daniel 3. I love this story for many reasons. Like other passages of scripture, I always see something new when I read it again. Take a minute if you have one to read this story again. Let it build your faith. The order went out for everyone to bow to the idol when the music played. These three chose to be furnace walkers rather than bow to the pressure of the day. We may not have a physical king who is trying to get us to bow to an idol, but our culture is constantly digging at us and trying to distract us from all things God. The king was so angry that they wouldn't cave into his evil desires that he ordered the fire to be stoked, ensuring their quick death. But it didn't go down that way at all. Flames from the fire killed the men throwing the three Hebrew children in. (Miracle number one - it didn't touch them.) They fell in bound by ropes. (Miracle number two - they could not protect themselves in the fall

 I've blamed it on old age since I just had another birthday, but lately, I find myself talking to myself a whole lot more than usual. Maybe it's because caregiving has me spending so much time alone. Funny, though, I'm not alone - but my son is still non-verbal, so he doesn't answer me. I talk to the poor guy all the time when I'm not talking to myself. Lol. This morning, I found myself puttering about the kitchen, talking. Then, to make it worse, I asked myself, who you talking to? Lol. I tried to keep my thoughts silent after that "discussion." I thought for a few moments about the loneliness that is so common to caregiving. We don't always have people who understand or those who are willing to get out of their comfort zones to visit our discomfort zone. Somebody's gotta talk to us - even if it's ourselves, right? If we don't stay focused on the right things, loneliness can essentially chip away at our souls.  As I turned my thoughts to

I think it's easy to see the parallel between a shepherd and the caregiver. The shepherd takes full care of the sheep. They lead the sheep to places to eat and places where they can have fresh, clean water. (Psalm 23 comes to mind.) The job of the shepherd is simply to care for the sheep in his charge. David was a shepherd, which is one reason he understood the heart of God so well. But David was also a king - even though everyone else continued seeing him only as a shepherd boy.  This weekend, I was thinking about David and how he must have dealt with rejection. As caregivers, it can feel like society rejects us, people ignore (reject) us, and sometimes, it seems like life itself has rejected us and left us to figure out how to survive this crazy maze.  When God looked at David, he didn't see a singing shepherd boy - He saw a man after His own heart. Not one without mistakes and shortcomings, but one who was quick to repent and protect the relationship. David messed up more th

 The caregiving road can make for a bumpy ride, no matter what your situation looks like. Each is oddly redundant and chaotic all at one time. It can be the same every day, but the caregiver must be ready for literally everything to change in an instant. It's easy to spend the day shifting gears and changing modes. It's so not-normal, and many times, it's easy to feel like it's not quite as pretty as everyone else's lifestyle. For instance, when I take my son out in his chair, I feel like we stick out like a sore thumb, especially when there are any accessibility issues. It's one reason I stay home a lot! It feels like  an ugly life. That's okay, though, because God doesn't run away from it like people do. God doesn't avoid the uncomfortable settings caregiving can create. I love that, don't you? I was thinking along these lines about how life turns ugly now and then. But as I thought about it more, I realized that caregiving is actually the esse