It's a Hold-Up!

 

One thing caregivers can understand is long nights. Recently, I haven't had them as often, and for that I am thankful. But I do still have some and last night was one of them. I hate it because Chris is uncomfortable and no matter what I do it doesn't help. Since he is nonverbal, he can't tell me to reposition him, sit him up more or less, or that there is a wrinkle in his sheet. His numbers were good (heart rate, 02, and temp), so I talked myself through the night, basically. 

Long Night Talks With God

During those long nights, God and I talk a lot. Well, it's mostly me whining and crying and wondering why a lot. But He listens. And most of the time, He answers. The early hours of this morning were no different. 

I try not to lash out at God, but sometimes I'm just angry. I lost my son and it seems God just "saved" him enough to keep him here to suffer sometimes. Man, those long nights can really show you your own thoughts loud and clear, huh? Last night was different somewhat. I wasn't quite as mad with God. I told Him I wasn't even sure what to ask for. He understood.

I express it all, my frustrations, anger, and feelings of helplessness. And He listens time and time again. In days gone by, I've spent a lot more time yelling at God and crying out to Him. Last night, I just let my heart talk and tried to keep my mind out of it. lol. That was a chore.

When He Answers

Sometime after five this morning, after sleeping very little, I heard myself ask God, maybe You could just hold me. Do you ever get frustrated with Him, but then find yourself returning to Him when you need Him? That's frustrating too! I may be upset that I don't see Him moving on my behalf, but during those long nights, His arms are right where I run. (Anyone else?)

When I asked Him to hold me, to comfort me, and settle my heart, I thought there had to be a scripture expressing my feelings. Sure enough, I found it in Psalm 119:117. The NKJV says Hold me up, and I shall be safe. There is nothing like finding a scripture that matches your heart and words. This one helped me complete my prayer. Hold me up, God! Then, I know I am safe.

The Holding Up Part

I often hold Chris up when he is standing. I put my arms under his arms and if he decides to sit - I've got him! I can move him from one chair to another or to the bed if needed. But for those few moments, I have to hold him up. Sometimes, he leans into me. And that's where I found myself with God. It was as though I had collapsed against a wall and He (the rock, the fortress, my protecting wall) was bolstering me and holding me up. That was all I needed to get up and around and gather myself to face the day. It was a great "hold up"!

Today, I will lean into my Father, God like Chris leans into me. I know I can count on Him to hold me as long as I need holding and He won't move or let me go! I'll trust Him with my tiredness, my fatigue, my loneliness, my fears, and my pain today. And I'll just let Him hold me knowing I'm in His safe place. Will you join me?

The Covering

This morning, memories began running through my mind. I was thinking about all those tough spots I've found myself in over the last 12 years or so. Of course, that's just the caregiving years. I've been in lots of tight spots in my 60 years. Some of them were unavoidable, and a few I could have avoided with my own choices. As I let my memory run for a little while, I thought of how God has been so faithful. I was thankful.

David mentions how God was his rock. He talks about it a lot throughout the Psalms. God is a rock we can hide behind. He is a rock we can stand on. He's got us covered no matter what life throws at us. He's solid. He's secure. He's immovable. I love all that about Him. We can trust Him with today.

You know, I usually end each blog with a statement about trusting Him for today, and I always ask you to join me. It's a legit question. He is trustworthy. 

As caregivers, we never know what a day is going to bring. Our normal days have more fluctuations and uncertainties than other people's normal days, you know? In the midst of uncertainties and unknowns, there is a rock Who stands. He's there waiting for us to hide in Him. He wants to provide shelter for us. He wants us to stand on the firm foundation He provides. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize He has truly given us everything we need for life and for godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) What I notice about this scripture is that He has given "everything" we need for life - for living, what we need to survive in the natural realm. But He's also given everything we need to survive and serve Him spiritually. He's got us covered both naturally and spiritually.  

Our natural lives may have shifted a lot in response to caregiving, but our spiritual being stayed put in Him. It may have not felt like that early on. lol. There are times when it feels like everything is shaking - but He remains. He is still our rock to hide behind and to stand on when we are ready.

Today, I will express my thankfulness to God for being that solid rock. I'll thank Him for letting me hide when I need to and letting me climb up high above situations when I can. My meditations will be on how He has been a constant source of comfort, healing, and protection. I'll think about how He (THE God of the nations, God our creator) is my covering. And I will lean into Him with more purpose today as I trust Him to carry me through one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

Coming soon to both bookstores: 21 Days with the Prince of Peace 

God Doesn't Know?

Isaiah 40 is a long time favorite chapter for many. It has some amazing thoughts about how God  created the world, measuring sand and water in the palms of His hands; how He formed the mountains and shaped the earth. Most of the time we read this chapter and keep it isolated yet Isaiah starts a discourse in chapter 40 that runs all the way through to the end of chapter 44.

 If we look at it in its entirety the prophetic speech goes all the way through to verse 8 of chapter 44. I kind of look at it like verses6-8 of chapter 44 are like the God's exclamation point at the end of His thoughts. Verse 8 says this:

 Do not tremble and do not be afraid

Have I not long since announced it to you and declared it?

And you are my witnesses

Is there any God besides Me,

Or is there any other Rock?

I know of none.

God had spoken some pretty awesome things in the previous chapters and here He is telling His own children that they have no need to fear. And the God asks and answers His own question. He wants to know if there is any other God. Is there any other place to run? And other refuge? And then He gives a simple answer:

 I know of none...

He doesn't know...and since He knows everything and sees everything that makes this a powerful statement that can be easily overlooked. Although it is powerful, it is simple. There just is no God like our God who is our rock of refuge. There is no other place to run to when trouble comes, no other answer available! There is no god like our God!