Showing posts with label Hagar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hagar. Show all posts

Even in this Place

chris in the standing frame with me beside him

 I don't know about your day-to-days, but I know mine can be hectic. Sometimes, even our calmest days can't compare to the "norm." Caregiving is not for the faint of heart! But that doesn't mean we don't have our moments of full-blown breakdowns. No judgment here! Every once in a while, a good cry releases pent-up emotions. It's healthy, actually. 

We may feel like we are in a desert place, a wilderness, or secluded from society. Sometimes, we feel surrounded by loving people, but the struggle remains. And honestly, some days I can go from a desert to an oasis, and back to the desert again emotionally - just in a matter of a few minutes, or even seconds. lol. Do you relate?

Here's the thing - no matter where we are - or where we feel we are - God is still working in and for us.

Yesterday, I sat with my guitar and sang for a few minutes. I poured out my heart to Him, and He answered. It was like I was feeling Him bringing restoration, healing, and refreshing right here in my living room. I was in awe. Then, I began to sing a spontaneous song about His love being even in this place. I was a bit overwhelmed to realize He would walk right up to my pain, right up to my heartache, right into my desert. Even in this place - He restores, heals, refreshes, and is present.

Then, I thought of Hagar and how God came to her in the desert when she was feeling alone and without hope. I thought of how Jesus went through Samaria - the forbidden territory - just to meet a woman (of all things) at the well. Why wouldn't He walk into my desert? Why wouldn't He meet me even in this place?

Today, I will remind myself that He chooses to come into my pain. I'll turn my thoughts toward how He chooses to walk with me in the deserts and through the rivers of life. My meditations will be on His presence and how He is right here - wherever "right here" is for each of us. He isn't scared or put off by our circumstances. Instead, He seems invited and comfortable in them. I'll enjoy His presence today - will you join me?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


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Where is "HERE"?

Eli walking alongside Chris' wheelchair at the Draper Lake trails.

Do you ever just assess your life? As caregivers, we can have such a sense of loss. Caregiving puts so many demands on us. Many have to change occupations or quit their jobs altogether to have the time to invest in caring for a loved one. We may grieve the loss of a lifestyle we enjoyed before caregiving. Sometimes, we feel the loss of freedom as we may not be able to just jump and run when we want to or hang out with friends freely. We may live with grief that stems from losing a person - while they are still here. This is the case with my son and with caregivers of loved ones with dementia. The sense of loss and feelings of grief can come from so many different areas in our lives, that they are often overlooked, or at best difficult to identify.

After I did this morning's Facebook Live devotional "Peace Out!", I took my own personal assessment. (See video below!) I walked through my apartment and every few steps, I told myself "God is right here!" I'd take a few steps or go to another room and say, "You are here!" I did this all around my apartment - mostly to remind myself that He is here - wherever "here" is! 

Whether we are with family, at the hospital, in a nursing home, or right here in our comfy apartment, God is in our HERE! It helps me keep my attitude straight for the day when I realize that God doesn't put a limitation on where He'll meet with us. He came to Hagar two times in her time of need. Jesus went through Samaria, the Jews' "other side of the tracks" to meet with the Samaritan woman who doesn't even have a name! He didn't need a drink of water - He went there for her! 

No matter what our HERE looks like, He is there! He is HERE! 

Today, I will remind myself that God is in my here - He's been in every "here" so far and He's not changing now! I'll meditate on the truth that He simply cannot leave us and He won't leave us now. I'll be thankful that He is right here with me and my son no matter what turns this day may take - He won't abandon. I'll trust Him to be "here" today - will you join me in your "here"?





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I Will declarations book cover


Check out my ebook store where you'll find these "I Will" Declarations from Psalms for just a buck! Download it today! I also have devotionals, study guides, poetry books, and free stuff! My Amazon bookshelf has some of these books on Kindle and for print - check them out!




Seen and Heard

Kyrie and Chris at the Norman Park

Do you ever feel like no one really hears you? How often do you feel invisible to the rest of the world? It seems these are common to the caregiver. Sometimes, it's the system that meets the letter of the law but doesn't really meet our needs. One example is handicapped parking spaces. You know I rant on this one often. lol - But seriously, many places meet the requirements of the law but not the practicality needed to meet the 

If there is a space, the ramp takes up all the side space. That means you can unfold the ramp, but there's no room for a wheelchair - which is the intent, right? Another example is the ramp up to the sidewalk is made of rigid stone. There's a ramp - just like the law requires. But pushing a manual chair up it and over the rocky edges is impractical and difficult, although doable. 

Thirdly, hotel rooms! They love to advertise that they are handicapped accessible and comply with ADA. Sometimes, that means the room is a bit bigger than normal. But oftentimes it means you can get to the sidewalk or in the room. Seriously, one hotel that told me on the phone (I always call first) told me they were fully accessible and I could get Chris in the room. He didn't lie, technically. But I literally could get his chair in the room far enough to get him in the bed and that was it. There was no room to get his chair across the room to the bathroom. Smh.

These types of things can often make us feel like we have no place. It's probably similar to the way Mary felt as she and Joseph went from Inn to Inn hoping to find a place to stay. We can thank God if we are not pregnant caregivers! LOL Hagar had similar feelings I'm sure as she felt forced to leave the comforts of her home. But she had two encounters with God as she began her journeys. 

In the first encounter, she said You are a God who sees me." (Genesis 16) And in the second encounter, God heard the cries of the boy. (Genesis 16). Hagar realized that God could see her and could hear her and her son. God can see and hear us too - whether the rest of the world dismisses us, ignores us, or never looks our way. He is still a God who sees and hears. He doesn't close His eyes or turn off His hearing - He watches over us and He listens.

Today, I will remind myself that God still sees and hears. His hearing is so good in fact, that He hears the things I don't dare say. He hears words in my tears. He sees the tears before they form. I will rejoice that He is still with me right here, right now - and He's not going anywhere either! Will you join me?

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I Will declarations book cover

Check out my ebook store where you'll find this "I Will" Declarations from Psalms for just a buck! Download it today! I also have devotionals, study guides, poetry books, and free stuff! My Amazon bookshelf has some of these books on Kindle and for print - check them out!

He Came


 This morning during my devotions I found myself in Romans 8:28. This is a familiar scripture to most. Usually, we quote it when we don't understand what's going on. It's that go-to for every situation that baffles us. But I saw something in it this morning that grabbed me. That's one of the things I LOVE about the Word, it meets me where I am and speaks new things to my heart.

Romans 8:28 in the New Living Translation says this: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to HIs purpose for them. Today, what stood out to me was "His purpose." Here's where my thoughts went.

He didn't put Adam and Eve in the garden and walk away. He came to them and walked with them, talked with them. When they sinned, He still came looking for them, longing for relationship. God created everything else with His breath, with words. A simple command brought forth plants that bear seeds for more plants, animals that continue to populate the earth, light, and dark. But humans? He purposefully formed with His hands from the dirt He had created with His breath. 

He came to commune with them in the garden. He came to Hagar twice when she was in dire circumstances. He came to the disciples in the boat out on the rocky sees in the middle of the storm. He didn't wait for everything to settle down. He came. 

Today, this gives me hope that He will come to me right where I am, right in the middle of the mess, and He'll bring all He is to my table. He brings His peace, His love, His patience, His goodness, His provision.... there's a really long list! My goal for today is to trust the He will be present in the middle of my circumstances. 

I'm so thankful for that. I'm glad He doesn't wait until I "get it all together" because that really may never happen. lol. I'm glad He doesn't have a checklist of duties I have to complete before He comes into my mess, because as a caregiver, I can't put one more thing on my list! How about you? 

Today, I will look for Hin in the middle of my mess, through the cloudy storm. I'll watch for His entrance and wait expectantly for Him to just be right here with me. And when I "find" Him, and I will, I will lean into Him and trust Him for today. Will you join me?

Who am I?

 

cute smile from chris

I know you guys understand when I say that some days are better than others. Emotions can dip on a dime and it often takes a big shovel and lots of effort to get them back up where they need to be. This morning was one of those times for me. Who knows what the reason was, I just felt myself sliding down the slippery slope as depression tried to suck me in. 

In my devotions this morning, I read Psalm 121. I had written it into a song when my son was in isolation in the hospital. I picked up my guitar to play it and thought about sharing it here. But there is something going on with my wrist and it just wasn't going to happen. I'm so glad as this psalm says, my help comes from the Lord. 

Since I refused to give in - I went to the piano and began to just praise Him. Well, it didn't take long once my focus was on Him instead of me. I began to feel the load of the day shift off my shoulders and onto His. I will look to the Lord, my help comes from the Lord - the Maker of heaven and earth. Soon, all my worries were washed away as the notes I played and sang carried them away and to His throne.

Then, I became overwhelmed with the thought that He cares. He sees. He hears. Who am I? I asked myself. That the One who created the world - the Creator - listens to my heart as I pour it out before Him. He doesn't have to. He is God, after all. Yet He takes the time to listen to my hurting heart.

That must be a little bit of how Hagar felt when she realized God heard her cry and saw her tears. He sees it all. When we are up and doing well - and when we are down or just trying to make it through the day. He doesn't have a pause button that He pushes. And He doesn't have a fast forward so He can skip the ugly parts. He sees it all. 

But who am I that He is mindful of me? Who am I that He hears? Who am I that He chooses to see? Yet He does. Because He wants to.

Today, I will shift my focus off of what is going on around me and onto what it must be like around His throne. I'll think about the constant praise that goes on in His presence. My meditations will be on the truth that He knows right where I am, what I am doing, and what I am feeling. He doesn't avoid me - He joins me on this journey in time. By choice. I'll let that overwhelm my day today. Will you join me? 

Heart or Emotions?


I continue my quest to read the Bible through this year and in my reading, I’ve come across a common thread. It’s funny how we see different things in familiar passages, even though we’ve read them many times before. I’m supposing that is because as Hebrews 4:12 says, the Word of God is living and powerful, it’s sharper than a two-edged sword, dividing between the soul and the spirit. That’s intense. Even though I’ve had that verse memorized for years, taught it in many classes, and read it who knows how many times, it still reverberates through me. God’s word is alive. That blows my mind – yet I feel it when I read the word and sense it brings changes inside me as I yield my will to His.

The other part of that verse that sticks out to me today is the diving asunder of soul and spirit. Now, that’s the Old King James because that’s how I memorized it! But think about that a second. God (and His word) can tell the difference between our spirit-man and our soul. God knows the difference between our spirit and our emotions – and He sees when we are on emotional overload, which is often a state caregivers live in. I know I do! Lol

This morning, as I was reading the story of Jakob and Rachel, I found that phrase again – God saw. This time it was coming from Jakob, who is declaring that God saw the mistreatment he endured under Laban. Genesis 31:12 God tells Jakob I have seen all that Laban is doing to you. He then declares to Laban in verse 42 of the next chapter – God has seen my affliction.  By then, he and all his family and flocks are headed out.

This reminded me of the recent reading of the story of Hagar and how she realized that God saw the afflictions she was enduring. And even on up into Exodus 3, verse 7, God says I have seen the oppression of my people who are in Egypt, and I’ve heard their cry. God’s word is able to miraculously discern between the deep faith-filled cry of our heart toward Him – and the emotional response to the difficulty of our situation. When He sees us – He sees both. He sees the hard stuff we face day after day. He sees when we cry and no one knows. He hears our heart crying out for His strength to carry us through each moment.

Now the interesting thing to me in all three of these accounts was that each of them had to move. Hagar moved out of Abraham’s house and God established her and Ishmael. Jakob moved on from the experience with Laban. And the Children of Israel were rescued from the oppressive grip of Pharaoh.

God saw – but it also took action on each of their parts to be free. For us as caregivers, we may not physically move (thank God!). But we can take action the first one being to trust Him for this day. Trust He sees us. Trust He hears us. Trust He is walking this journey with us. And the cool thing is He knows that His Spirit can discern between the outcry of our hearts and our complete trust of Him. They are not opposites; they go hand in hand.

Today, I will purposefully take time to acknowledge and meditate on the truth that He sees me right where I am. I’ll be thankful that He hears my heart cry whether it is audible or silent. My soul takes rest in that recognition – that He hears and sees me. I’ll try to stay in that restive mode today – will you join me?

The Finding


I love reading the Word. Hebrews 4:14 says it’s alive, and active. I find that true as I can read passages I know I’ve read many times before and see something brand new in it. Such is the case this morning. This year I wanted to read the Bible straight through again as I haven’t done that in a while. I found myself in chapter 16 of Genesis reading and re-reading the story of Hagar. I’ve shared many pieces of this chapter in this devotional over the years. But I saw something else today that spoke to my heart.
In verse 7, after Sarah has sent her away, it says, the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water….I read that two or three times. Then, I wrote in my journal that if He found her – He must have been looking for her.

We know Sarah is her mistress and she’s lived in Abraham’s household for years. But now she’s been thrust out of her norm – and is pregnant to boot. What a predicament! There’s no doubt in my mind that she is uncomfortable, upset, worried, and in a place of distress both emotionally and physically. Yet God found her right there in that spot.

I found this personally encouraging. God doesn’t avoid us when we find ourselves in rough spots, and caregivers can have plenty of those, can’t we? People often remain silent or distant, sometimes because they do care but do not know what to do with us. Others just ignore us – they aren’t trying to be “mean” they often do not know what to say or do. We can find ourselves in some very lonely spots in life. We can find ourselves in some dirty spots, some hard spots. Each day presents challenges others don’t often understand and we can feel cheated out of life’s “pleasures” like simple freedoms of running to the store or grabbing coffee with a friend.

But God can find us where we are. Hagar was sent out because she had a bad attitude. I will first admit that especially early on in my caregiving years, I have been guilty of that! But if God can seek her out even when she’s wrong – doesn’t that provide me with some hope that He will seek me out too? That He will seek you out too?

I’ve said it before but it’s worth saying again – He doesn’t abandon us when life gets difficult or ugly. When we don’t live in that “picture perfect” world, He doesn’t avoid it – He comes to find us. He walks the path of the caregiver with us. And sometimes He has to carry us too. But He is present. Psalm 46:1 comes to mind here, God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

Today, I’m going to be thankful that God is willing to find me right in my situation no matter how challenging it seems. My meditations will be on His willing presence in the midst of my trouble. I’ll rely on Him for the wisdom and strength to make it through this day. Will you join me?

Peek-a-Boo

One of my all-time favorite scriptures is in Genesis16. Hagar calls out to the Lord over her son. It doesn't matter if she was right or wrong to me. She was in distress over the treatment of her son. I personally think she got the short end of the stick. No matter what led her there, she found herself sitting by the spring in the wilderness. That's where the angel of the Lord "found her." No matter how difficult or complicated the situation was with Hagar, she wasn't hidden from the Lord's sight.

After she and the angel of the Lord had a little discourse, she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God who sees." sometimes it's enough to just know that He sees us where we are. Honestly, other times it is not. (Speaking personally.)

With the truth that He sees wherever we are in mind, take a look at Psalm 109. That is where I was reading during my devotions this morning. Verse 31 captured my thoughts and meditations. It says:

For He stands at the right hand of the needy,
to save him from those who judge his soul.

I'm not really too worried about what others think, or however they want to judge my soul. I have yet to have one person take me up on the offer to walk a day with me. And that's okay. Many do not understand the crazy emotions caregivers can deal with. It's too easy for them to tell us to get over it. They can't comprehend the engulfing loneliness, the enormous sense of loss, feelings of entrapment, or the living grief we endure from day to day. There's no getting over it. There's just laying it aside and learning how to deal with it in order to make the day and stay sane and saved.

I like this verse in Psalm 109 because it reminds me that like Hagar, He sees me. He stands at my right hand. The right hand is symbolic of our power - so to me, it means He empowers me to walk it out. He is not worried about those who judge emotions so easily. Instead, He protects me from it. Because He sees. He knows.

Today I am going to think about how He empowers me to walk this walk. My thoughts will be on how He does see every minute detail, and He protects my soul. (mind, will and emotions) My meditations will be on How He sees, and it doesn't scare Him away. Instead, He runs to my aid. He is my soul's protector. And today, I'll be happy that He sees. He understands. He protects. With that, I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

The God Who Sees

It is difficult to understand the life of caregiving unless you are a caregiver. And even then, each situation is so very unique we do not always have the capacity to understand each others' situations. Sometimes it hurts most when those we think are supposed to care do not seem to. That can be family, friends or health care professionals. It's really frustrating when they don't get it. You know?

Sometimes one of the most frustrating things about caregiving is the inability to have a schedule. We can keep a shell of one, but it seems there's always something that comes along to disrupt it. Our loved one has a bad day, aides don't show up, nurses decide to come during the only time you were going to have to yourself for the week....yes that really happened! And the load becomes heavier...not even because of the caregiving itself, but because of all the baggage that comes along with caregiving.

This morning has been one of those mornings for me; made up of those situations that make the regular load just a little bit heavier. But my mind went to Hagar. She's not usually one of our favorites by any means even though the situation was not totally her fault. In Genesis 16 she bears some of the blame since she was taunting Sarah. I suppose I found it comforting that God met her where she was even though she was not perfect. Most of us did nothing wrong to end up in a caregiving situation, so I guess it makes the possibility of God seeking us out more likely! lol.

Hagar was distraught and had run away from her mistress who was treating her harshly.  She was pregnant (thank God that's not a factor!), being treated badly because she mouthed off, and was stuck out in the desert with no one to see after her. But God found her. It's not the encounter I want to focus on though, it's what she said afterwards. In Genesis 16:13 Hagar said, the God Who sees me."  She existed to God and that mattered.

Today I will meditate on the fact that I am not out here alone. That God does indeed see me; that will carry me through this day. He sees me...

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...