Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

Where No One Dares to Follow

 


I don't know how long you've been on your caregiving journey, but I've been on mine for almost 14 years. One of my friends is the caregiver for her son who is now in his 40s. Some of you just started on this journey. I'm still a newbie compared to many others! 

There's no doubt that the caregiver's journey is a lonely one. The social isolation is often unbearable. Yet, we adjust. BC (before caregiving) I was super social. I went a lot. I fellowshipped a lot. I traveled miles and miles. But for the last 14 years, all of that has been limited. 

Others often try to encourage us or cheer us up. But very few are willing to go where we go. Recently, I had a long-time friend who wanted to take me out. At first, it was just for a date. Then he decided he wanted us to spend the day together. I enjoyed our day together, but he has no idea all the hoops I had to jump through. lol. I get other invites from time to time, but I don't answer many of them.  What I don't have is people willing to follow me down this road. 

Have you looked up and realized that no one came with you? Maybe they wish you well. Some pray for you. Most are truly compassionate and concerned. But few dare to follow. We often give Job's friend a bad rap. They were horrible once they started talking. lol. But before that, they came. They saw. They were not prepared for the depth of grief and sorrow they saw their friend enduring. 

Job 2:12 says they lifted their voices and wept. They were so overcome, that they sat for seven days and seven nights in silence. They deserve kudos for showing up, and for being there for their friend. 

Maybe you're like me and you've looked up and realized that no one has dared follow you down this road. There may be a few watching from a distance. Many are likely praying for you. But oh for a friend who can follow you down the caregiving road. If you are like me (and hopefully you're not) and you've realized people just can't endure watching our struggle, I have good news. Jesus has followed you every step of the way. As a matter of fact, He continues to take each step with you. Sometimes, when your strength gives out, there are no more tears, and you think you can't take one more step - He will carry you. 

Today, I choose to focus on the God who is present. I choose to turn my eyes to the One who is not afraid of the journey. My eyes will be on the One who will never abandon, the One who will never just watch from a distance. God is not afraid to be a part of our stories. I will thank Him for staying on this road with me, for carrying me, prodding me, and sharing His strength with me for this journey as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                       


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He Never Gives Up

As a caregiver, emotions can be all over the place. I find that one second I'm feeling okay about everything, I have a positive outlook and I am ready to take on the world. The next second for no apparent reason, I'm upset, mad at the world and ready to call it quits. On everything. One second I'm in love with God and so thankful that He continues to strengthen me to do what I need to do; the next second I'm angry with Him for letting this happen. This can all be in a matter of a few minutes, or seconds depending on the day.

But you know what? None of that scares God off. As to this date, He has never thrown up His hands, said I can't deal with this anymore and walked away. People have told me that "not everyone can handle a large dose of you." Seriously - I was told that, by my mentor. Add things like that to living a life so totally different from the rest of the world and it's easy to have an identity crisis.

One thing that caregivers have to deal with and face is the fact that not everyone can make the journey with us. And for me, my heart hurts for my son too. Why? Because friends can only be friends if nothing changes. On one hand - it's totally understandable - he can no longer "contribute" to the relationship, right? He can't laugh, play, tell jokes, make his deeply philosophical statements anymore. So there's nothing.

For the caregiver, our lives are different than everyone else's too. Maybe we can or can't freely do things the rest of the world does - and many walk away. Or my favorite - they watch our lives from a distance, totally disconnected.

On both counts there can be such a sense of abandonment and alone-ness that swallows us up whole. It's not an easy journey to make alone, or with someone else.

I say all this to share a scripture that came to mind this morning during my devotions. I actually was looking at Joshua 1:8 about being of good courage. I read it in my NASB, then looked it up in the Message. And here is what I found a few verses back:

I won't give up on you;
I won't leave you. (v.6)
Strength! Courage! 
Don't be timid; don't get discouraged.
God, your God is with you every step of the way. (v. 9)

While this whole passage spoke deeply to me this morning - that one phrase I won't give up on you is what really got my attention. No matter who observes from a distance, because they don't know what to do if they get closer; no matter who walks away from us or our situation - for whatever reason - God will not give up on us!  He is in it for the long haul; and that is exactly what I needed to hear this morning.

Today I'm going to meditate on His determination to be with me on this journey. I'll think about how He does not get too frustrated at me, never throws up His hands and never quits because I'm too much for Him to handle. My thoughts will be on how He is pleased with me, loves me and carries me even when I am being stubborn and resistant to His grace. He patiently waits for me to settle back down and come back to Him for peace. Today - I will be re-positioning myself in His lap; and settling in His embrace. Will you join me?

What Does God Want From Me?

Before my caregiving days I functioned in many roles in the church. As a youth pastor I taught the young people scriptures like Jeremiah 29:11 - that the Lord has good plans for them - for health and a future. Sometimes on the other side of caregiving, or even during life's strongest trials scriptures like this one can become muddled. If God has good plans for me, why is this happening?

His intentions for us never change. My mind goes back to the Children of Israel. God told them in Leviticus 22:33 that He brought them out of Egypt to be their God. And He said in Exodus 34:14 that He is a jealous God. The New Living Translation interpreted this verse to say He is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you. God's desire to have a relationship with His people has never changed; and is not likely to make a sharp turn over 2000 years later!

God performed mighty miracles to bring His children out of Egypt's bondage. But it was not an easy road after that - they did not have it made from there on out. In fact they faced many trials and struggles along the way. They had no water - and God provided; when there was no food God provided. He showed up each time they had a struggle even though their first thought was Let's go back to Egypt!

Caregiving is not an easy road to travel and everyone's picture looks very different. But even on a rocky road, God's heart is to have a relationship with His people - those who believe in Him - you!  He is not going to take all the bumps out of the road, or remove all the rough spots along the way. But He is going to walk it with you and His whole desire is to be in relationship with you.

I am a runner and have run a few half marathons. That's not always easy and training can be rather rough at times. But on occasion I've done training runs or races with friends. There's nothing like a long, hard stretch of road with nothing to do between the start and finish line - but talk and run - to help build a relationship. You find yourself opening up about life's deepest hurts and sharing insights that have helped you along the way.

I believe that's what God wants for us as we travel the rocky roads of life. It's what He desired from the Children of Israel as they journeyed to the Promised Land. He just wanted relationship - and that's all He wants from us today.

Today I will meditate on the fact that He wants to spend time with me - He wants me to talk to Him and share my joys, hurts, victories and failures. I will turn my thoughts toward Him today and think about how He walks this long and lonely caregiving road with me, because He wants to. And I will thank Him for desiring a relationship with me. I will engage with Him today and look for His peace while I listen for His voice in every situation. Will you join me?

Do You Fit the Mold?

One thing that really surprised me when I began the walk of a caregiver was the rejection. We try not to take it personal by telling ourselves it's not on purpose, just that people do not quite know what to do with us. We do not fit the normal mode. We cannot always just get up and go out for a cup of coffee, grab a quick brunch with a friend or attend church like we used to. But we still have the same desires and need for friendships and relationships as those who are not caregivers. Rarely does someone cross that line and actually bring us  lunch or a cup of coffee. And there are few (and I thank God for them!) who will come and sit for a few minutes just to chat. But overall there is this rejection that must be dealt with.

 We are in good company. 1 Peter 2:4 has this to say of Christ: and coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God...Jesus had crowds of people following Him until He hit what was perceived as great adversity. Once there was any conflict they fled quicker than they had come! His adversity was greater than they could bear or more than they wished to deal with. And sometimes it feels the same for us - others do not know what to do with us...so they leave. Their intent is not harmful but it causes great pain nonetheless.

 I think one of the most touching scriptures is found in Job 2. It says that when his friends heard of his adversity they all made an appointment (with no cell phones, Internet or facebook) to come to sympathize with him and comfort him. And when they saw him and how badly he was doing physically, they wept. And even though later on we see that they have great problems with their theology - they sat for 7 days and nights with no one speaking a word, for they saw his pain was very great. (Job 2:11-13) This scene is so precious to me because they did not know what to do; they could do nothing to lessen the pain - so they just sat with their friend...no one knows how much that means.

We are still a part of the body of Christ even though we are walking on a different turf. And even though we cannot always go to the physical building to fellowship, and people do not always come to us - we are still one of His living stones mentioned in 1 Peter 2. The body does not consist of one building; but it is made up of all believers from throughout time. We all make up the body - we are all a part. Christ deems us worth dying for - We are just as precious in His eyes as any of His children. So do not let the circumstances make you feel like you are less a part of the body of Christ just because you do not fit the mold. We are still living stones whether we are ignored or not!

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...