Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Aren't you glad we don't have a screen on our foreheads displaying our every thought? Sometimes it might be useful, but I know there are lots of things that run through my mind every day that I would not want anyone to know about.

Caregiver's thoughts are busy - they have to be because we have so many things to work out every single day. Many times I've condemned myself for my own thoughts not realizing it really is the way we work through stuff. But there are lots of thoughts that simply cannot be shared with others. For the caregiver there can be lots of things that we choose not to share.

When I first brought my son home from the nursing home and started working with him full time, I realized how difficult life was for him. He struggles to do anything. I had some thoughts many would find unacceptable. The only one I dare share is that my thoughts were that it would've been better for him to die in the wreck rather than live this way. Immediately I condemned myself for thinking that only to do some research and find that it was totally normal to have those thoughts and emotions; they go with the grieving process. They are normal to have - but not normal to share.

I started thinking about this because this weekend during my personal devotions I found myself in Luke 7, a passage I've read probably thousands of times. But this time, I saw something different. It reads like this:

Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him (Jesus) saw this,
he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet He would know
who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, 
that she is a sinner."
And Jesus answered him,

I stopped there because that's what grabbed me. The Pharisee was upset that Jesus was letting this "sinner" wash His feet and had these judgmental thoughts. They were just thoughts - but Jesus answered them. If He knows the thoughts of the Pharisee, don't you think He knows the heart and thoughts of those who love Him?

Psalm 139:3 says He is intimately acquainted with all my ways. He knows my thoughts, actions and even the intents of my heart. Verse 1 of this psalm says He understands my thoughts.  I will rest in that today - knowing that He knows my thoughts - the good, the bad and the ugly - and He understands them. He understands me, the caregiver.

Today I will rest in the fact that God understands me - He gets me; and He offers no condemnation. I will rejoice in the fact that He is intimately acquainted with all my ways and knows me inside out. I'm okay with that. My goal for today will be to relax and not try  futilely to  hide my thoughts. I'm going to let Him run around in my thoughts and heart all day unrestrained and yield to His presence in my life. Will you join me?

Attitude Latitude

One thing that I have learned as a caregiver is how much attitude comes into play. I think it really helps to choose to have a positive attitude. But sometimes our latitude or position as an advocate makes it difficult on our attitude. We are many times in positions where it takes some true grit to endure and to get things done on behalf of our loved ones.

Many would say that because of our latitude we have a "right" to let some things get out of control. I have to admit that there are days when it's a very big struggle to try and keep my attitude in line with Christian values. There are many emotions accompanying the caregiving package. We do get angry sometimes, sad at other times and emotions can just be all over the place some days. There's a lot on our plate every single day. But our attitude has a lot to do with how we handle an overloaded plate.

Running on overload does not excuse poor decisions or bad behaviors. We are still accountable for every word we say and responsible for where our thoughts roam Our attitude has a lot to do with how we live our days. I can get really down and have battled depression as a caregiver (some say it's part of the package too), but overall I tend to try to keep a positive attitude. It makes the day go somewhat smoother.

Psalm 57 is a passage that has a special place in my heart as I discovered it when battling a mystery illness in 1986. It described my emotions to a T as I felt like I was being swallowed up by sickness. Those around me thought I was dying. During that struggle this psalm brought me great comfort.

It's the second part of the psalm that stands out to me now. David says I will several times depending on the version you are reading. These are attitudinal declarations; he said:

I will sing and give praise
I will wake early
I will praise You
I will sing to You

Many times I've said that as caregivers we live in the furnace. We are constantly in the fires of life and they don't often let up. And even though it seems like it would be fair for us to be exempt in some areas, our attitude is still our choice, and we can't let our latitude determine it for us.

Today I will turn my thoughts to praising Him for what He has done. I will purposefully delight myself in Him. I'm going to guard my mouth a little more closely and work a little harder at staying positive in the fight. My thoughts will be on His goodness rather than the situation; and my meditations of Him will be sweet. Will you join me?

The Power of Weakness

Sometimes I hate it when people tell me "you're so strong." It's not because I don't like to be complimented, but more that I really don't feel "so strong." I also feel like the statement is left hanging like they meant to say "you're so strong compared to...." what? It's like in the back of their minds they think they couldn't handle caregiving. In reality none of us probably set it as our life goal; but it was handed to us and we adjust the best we can; and they would too. We are all very adaptable.

Maybe it bothers me because I feel anything but strong - I feel so weak. The caregiving journey has helped me to see and deal with my weaknesses. There's nothing like the caregiving role to reveal all those weak areas. Even though I feel very vulnerable and weak, I have learned how to rest in His strength. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul was asking God to take away his "thorn in the flesh." There has been much argument over what exactly was giving Paul so much trouble - but whatever it was he asked God to remove it 3 times. God's response was: My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."

This answer didn't seem to frustrate Paul at all. As a matter of fact it seems that he offered a quick response: Most gladly therefore will I rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. Rather than fighting to get out of the difficulties, he totally yielded to them so that the power of God could manifest itself in him.

Paul was no longer whining or complaining; but began to boast in being weak! When we realize how weak we are, we can begin to rely on God for strength. As long as we feel like we are strong in our own power we will not fully trust Him. I find that it's more difficult to trust Him for things I feel like I can do myself. When it goes beyond what I can accomplish, then I turn to Him for help. So like Paul we can say that caregiving is beyond what we can carry on our own. Then we can be glad we are weak and rather than begrudging the load - we can rejoice that God's grace is helping us carry it; and that His grace is carrying us through it as well.

When I am weak - I am strong because His grace empowers me. Therefore I can boast in my weakness because it is in those times that I can see how strong He is in me.

Today I will meditate on how He is strong for me and in me. I will purposefully yield to His strength and allow Him to carry me. My thoughts will be set on His grace and how it is enough for what I face today; and on His strength in me demonstrating to the world that His strength is perfected in my weakness. Will you join me?


The Power of a Touch

I was noticing something the other day as I was looking through pictures. whenever there is a picture with me and my son in it - I am almost always touching him. If I am standing, I usually have my hand on his shoulder and if I am sitting, I have my hand on his leg or his arm. It never really is anything I am thinking about; but in most cases, I am simple reassuring him that I am there and everything is fine. It also lets him know that I am never far away. I don't have to say anything - just my touch is reassuring.

My son and I at a friend's birthday party.

I think I feel the same way about God; I just need to feel His touch to be calmly reassured that He is near, He is with me and we're all going to be okay. Several scriptures come to mind when I think about God being near.
  • But as for me, how good it is to be near God! (Psalm 73:8)
  • We give thanks because You are near. (Psalm 75:1)
  •  But for me, the nearness of God is my good (Psalm 73:28-CJB)
 There is a comfort in knowing that God is nearby. My prayer today is from Psalm 71:12 - O God, be not far from me: O my God, make haste for my help. (KJV) I will meditate on His nearness today and turn my thoughts to His touch. He may not be making a big show - but His gentle touch helps me remember that He is never far away. This is my meditation for today - will you join me?

Ever Been Disappointed?

Life can be disappointing at times and the caregiver can find themselves having to constantly pull themselves up by their bootstraps as the old saying goes. Most likely the very reason we had the opportunity to become a caregiver was one of life's huge disappointments. Perhaps it was a tragedy such as a wreck or an accident, or maybe it was a serious diagnosis; no matter what it was it certainly was not the way we had envisioned our lives turning out - and that can be very disappointing.

1 Peter 2:6 is a quote from the Old Testament that says this: Behold I lay in Zion a choice stone, a precious corner stone, and he who believes in Him will not be disappointed. (NASB) When life is full of disappointing news we can start to think that God didn't know what He was talking about. To be completely honest, I was very disappointed in God when my son was seriously injured in an automobile accident. After all weren't we led to believe that since we served God our kids would be safe? Well, I was. When the grave news started settling in and I realized that God was not coming in riding on a white horse to rescue me out of the situation - I was disappointed in what I had believed.

When we look at this scripture in context, we will see that it is talking about the body of Christ - and offering ourselves as an offering to God. (1Peter 2:5) It's not so much talking about life being free from disappointments. I think it's saying to me today that no matter what disappointments may come my way in life - we will not stand before God disappointed. As we continue to trust Him for our daily existence (necessary for the caregiver's survival!), we will not stand before Him and be disappointed. He will not be disappointed in us -  and we will not be disappointed in whom we put all our trust and belief.

We can become very focused on what we see right now that we forget there really is a bigger picture. He will  keep our souls - we must keep our bodies. They are subject to decay (thanks Adam and Eve!), they will wear out, get injured, become weak etc. But our spirit man will not have to stand before God with an ounce of disappointment - He is able to sustain us and present us holy and blameless before Himself - no matter what life brings our way.

Today I will meditate on how He sustains and strengthens me through life's disappointments. Will you join me?

Preserved in Him

When I read across this scripture in my morning readings today, I just had to share it. Now all caregivers may not be like me - but my whole world changed with one phone call. My life was jerked away from me in an instant. And although that has been very traumatic in every way possible one good thing is that all my religious thinking has been just as shaken. That's why I so enjoyed my meditations on this verse this morning.

 1 Peter 1:5 says this - ...who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. This whole chapter is worth a good slow read- let it be absorbed into your heart and spirit. But this phrase sort of grabbed me because even though my world was shaken that part of me that is saved - my soul - is very protected by the power of God! Think about that for a minute or two - your body did not get "saved." It's your soul that accepted Him and the changes living in Him brings.

 And while we are still scratching our heads trying to figure out if He actually protects our bodies or not we can rest assured that our souls cannot be touched or damaged in any way - because He protects that part of us. That is the part of us that is hidden in Him and it cannot be disturbed as long as we do not move away!

 Today - take time to meditate on how he protects our hearts  and souls by His power in Christ.

But What About Me?

In a discussion yesterday I was talking about some of the emotions that are part of the caregiver's package. I was expressing the feelings that make it seem like God has abandoned us. While we know He didn't...it can certainly feel at times as though He did...and that He is far away.

 In Psalm 13 we can see that the psalmist David had some similar feelings. How long O Lord will you look the other way? somehow there is a small amount of comfort in knowing that we are not the only persons in the world who have ever felt like God is not looking on us with His favor - or looking our direction at all!  Even though David pours out all of his anguish before the Lord - he ends up in the last verse of this psalm with this phrase...but I will trust in Your unfailing love.

Isn't that where we are today? Some days we are unable to feel or sense God in any way...yet we will trust in His unfailing love. Psalm 19 ends with one of these types of thoughts as well. He prays let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight O Lord!

These are my prayers today. That I will continue to trust even in the questions and doubts. And that my meditations will be pleasing in His sight today! Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...