Search Me O God

When my son was first injured and we were living in the hospital, I knew I had to find a way to get adequate exercise so I took up running. I thought it was an inexpensive sport that I could virtually do anywhere. It's been sort of a lifeline for me over the years. Running has become what I do to deal with the difficulty of caregiving. It helps me physically but it also helps me beat depression and clears my brain. It's really about the only thing I do, and the only reason I get out. 

Yesterday, I ran my 16th half marathon. I proudly added my finisher's medal to my overloaded rack on the wall. But I had something happen during my race that had to do with caregiving. As I neared mile 5 of the course there was a drumline playing. It totally caught me off guard. My son was the drum caption and the center snare for his college drumline before his accident. Seeing a drumline live brought back a flood of memories and I collapsed in tears. Eventually, I gathered myself and continued down the course to finish the race.

Things can be so much more than what we see and we never know what a person is dealing with on the inside. In Psalm 139, David talks about how God sees our insides. He knows our comings and our goings. Sometimes people are scared to see that deeply into another person; and sometimes we are too scared to let them look. But God sees past our fears, our emotions and the walls we build to keep others out. He sees what makes us tick. And He still hangs around!

I encourage you to take time to read this psalm today and think about how intimately God knows you. David says in the last two verses:

Search me O God and know my heart,

Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me, 

And lead me in the way everlasting.

Our hearts are safe with God and He knows and understands everything we feel. He knows what makes us tick and He's not afraid to be close to us.

Today as I meditate on how He knows my thoughts, I will think about His closeness. My thoughts will be on His ever abiding presence and the fact that He is not afraid to continue to hang around even through life's storms. I'll think about how He loves me in the midst of the hurt and difficulties. And I will relax and let Him search my heart. He is safe, He cares. He loves.