I was reading in Genesis about Abraham offering up Isaac. In chapter 22 verse 8 Abraham said "God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering." I know God does indeed provide for us and I have certainly experienced that on my caregiving journey. But the margin caught my eye as it gave an alternate interpretation of see for the word "provide." My loose interpretation is God will be seen.
I often rejoice in the fact that God can see me and knows my situation intimately. But I paused to ask can I see God?
Honestly, there are those times when I don't feel I can see Him at all. Usually it's at 3 or 4 in the morning when my son is running a fever or moaning in pain and I feel out of options. I must admit I have not acted much like a believer on some of those occasions. There have been many tears shed during those midnight hours and I've cried out God, where are you now? I must also admit I've said lots of other things to God that should not be said - but they were my honest feelings at the time. And I really believe He's big enough to handle our hurts, fears and feelings just as we interpret them in time. He knows eternity is bigger.
During those times that are rougher, it can be difficult to see God. But then He seems to march right into our reality and make Himself known and seen. I saw Him in the caring eyes of two little girls at the grocery store. They asked their mom if they could pray for my son. They had such a true compassion - I'm sure it came from Him.
I saw Him in a young man who reaches out to us and does a 5K to raise funds to help us get a handicap van. I saw Him in the xray technician last time we were in the hospital. I can't explain it, but the way she touched my son with caring gentleness when taking an xray moved me to tears- because I saw His touch in her hands. (I even talked to her about it.) I've seen Him in the new church we found; people actually spoke to my son (who is non-verbal), accepted him, and even touched him....acted like he exists.
We can get so caught up in the busy-ness of caregiving and forget to see Him in our day to day lives. But He is present and He is paying attention. Sometimes we just have to look for Him.
Today I am going to purposefully look for His presence in my life. My thoughts will be on His ever abiding presence and how close He is even if I don't see or feel His presence. I'll look for Him for when I seek Him - I will find Him. Will you join me?
Oh, Jeanie...I am finding myself at that place where I don'e see or feel His presence...I don't know if He has "forsaken me" or if I am just not looking in the right places. I NEED His guidance; I NEED Him to show me that He really IS there for me and that what I am going through with my "life" will get better at some point...I need His assurance that I am doing right in my situation here at home...I need that!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your daily devotions for caregivers. I need them and I need your prayers.
Barbara, I totally get what you are saying; and I know exactly what you are talking about. But I don't have any clever answers. I do know that trusting in these dark times is the epitome of faith. We don't always know He is there...we just have to trust and hope He answers us soon. Psalm 13 is the one I go to during those seasons where I simply can't feel or see Him.
DeleteThe psalmist asks "How long O Lord will you forget me? How long will you look the other way?" As a caregiver I have felt that way deeply in my soul. Like God is way out there somewhere - but He's not with me. I've prayed for Him to just show up - somehow - some way....but if not - I simply can't believe He's not out there somewhere.... faith once again. Even in the deepest, darkest dungeon our faith clings on to that small thread of hope - sometimes even when I didn't want to believe any more.
I think of Joseph during those times - how he must have felt in the dungeon just waiting for God. I think of Daniel held captive for a lifetime of years - waiting on God. And I think about the entire Jewish nation waiting for a Messiah for hundreds of years... and when God FINALLY answered their pleas - He sent a baby that still had to grow into the Christ.
And so we find ourselves waiting once again - for any sign big or small that He is here - with us. Until then - all we can do is trust. I often tell myself He couldn't have "gone" anywhere - because He's everywhere... He couldn't leave me if He tried. (lol)
Praying for comfort for you today my friend.
Thank you for your words, Jeanie! They are helpful in so many ways...and, I found assurances this morning as I was reading some of my FB posts...first, Ann Voskamp in her words "There is always, always, always something to be thankful for"; and in Susie Larson's Morning Blessings...these words of assurance have helped me to get past - a little - the feelings I was having. I DO believe He is everywhere; he is there...he is HERE! Yet, sometimes, it really IS hard! Thank you for sharing your daily devotions; I am relying on them every day now!
DeleteHi Barbara, I'm glad you were able to find a little resolve. I have to agree that there is always something to be thankful for - but at times we have to look very long and hard to find it, huh?
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for reading!!
Jeanie