But you know what? None of that scares God off. As to this date, He has never thrown up His hands, said I can't deal with this anymore and walked away. People have told me that "not everyone can handle a large dose of you." Seriously - I was told that, by my mentor. Add things like that to living a life so totally different from the rest of the world and it's easy to have an identity crisis.
One thing that caregivers have to deal with and face is the fact that not everyone can make the journey with us. And for me, my heart hurts for my son too. Why? Because friends can only be friends if nothing changes. On one hand - it's totally understandable - he can no longer "contribute" to the relationship, right? He can't laugh, play, tell jokes, make his deeply philosophical statements anymore. So there's nothing.
For the caregiver, our lives are different than everyone else's too. Maybe we can or can't freely do things the rest of the world does - and many walk away. Or my favorite - they watch our lives from a distance, totally disconnected.
On both counts there can be such a sense of abandonment and alone-ness that swallows us up whole. It's not an easy journey to make alone, or with someone else.
I say all this to share a scripture that came to mind this morning during my devotions. I actually was looking at Joshua 1:8 about being of good courage. I read it in my NASB, then looked it up in the Message. And here is what I found a few verses back:
I won't give up on you;
I won't leave you. (v.6)
Strength! Courage!
Don't be timid; don't get discouraged.
God, your God is with you every step of the way. (v. 9)
While this whole passage spoke deeply to me this morning - that one phrase I won't give up on you is what really got my attention. No matter who observes from a distance, because they don't know what to do if they get closer; no matter who walks away from us or our situation - for whatever reason - God will not give up on us! He is in it for the long haul; and that is exactly what I needed to hear this morning.
Today I'm going to meditate on His determination to be with me on this journey. I'll think about how He does not get too frustrated at me, never throws up His hands and never quits because I'm too much for Him to handle. My thoughts will be on how He is pleased with me, loves me and carries me even when I am being stubborn and resistant to His grace. He patiently waits for me to settle back down and come back to Him for peace. Today - I will be re-positioning myself in His lap; and settling in His embrace. Will you join me?
So true Jeanie. Loretta my wife has life long friends I am talking 45 years and they just walked away. We do have a few friends who send a check every month which is an enormous blessing. But (and I am not complaining here) money is the easy thing to do. Doing the hard thing, taking the journey with you.Not many folks willing to do that. And it is a long lonely road to traverse alone. My emotions are just under the surface ready to bubble up at the least little thing. I also find I have little tolerance to stress and it eats away at you. Exercise is my greatest outlet but its hard to be consistent because my needs come last. Good stuff Jeanie Thanks
ReplyDeleteRelationships post trauma are complex, aren't they? I've been surprised by who has been willing to walk this journey with me, and who has not. I think the fact that my son's friends pretty much abandoned him hurts more. On one hand, they are young - or were when the accident occurred; so I can give them that. But it certainly makes me think and re-think relationships and friendships.
ReplyDeleteAre we just "friends" as long as there is give and take - or can we continue to love and care for someone if they've lost the ability to communicate effectively - or at least in the way we were used to? I also wonder what difference it might make for my son if he could hear his friend's voices once again - the familiar....but I can't wait much time on what could be...
Sorry I rambled - just to say our emotions can so be all over the place, can't they? Exercise has been one of my big outlets - I can proudly say I'm a half marathoner now because of this! :-)
Learning to balance it all out can be a challenge- but I have to believe it's possible.
I have to believe it too Jeanie. I am learning things about myself both good and bad. Being a man I had a lot of eggs in the work basket. I prided myself on providing for my family. Now I feel so insecure in the fact that I cant earn a living and care for my wife. Someday that may change but for the time being it cant. She needs so much care and there are no good options I could live with. Also my wife was the relational one. I never put much effort into friends or relations outside of my marriage. I was married to my best friend and we pretty much did everything together . I loved hanging out with my wife. You know I even enjoyed shopping with her. Loved watching her model different outfits. I don't know maybe that's weird but it worked for us. Keep up the great work Blessings from team Carter
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you on learning things about yourself. I'm a mom and I want to "fix" my son and protect him - and I can't.The social aspect is such a difficult area we have to deal with - the social isolation can be so trying.
Delete