Now most of us did not plan as a child to grow up and be a caregiver. It's a strange land for most of us when we find ourselves there.It's an unknown land and we didn't spend time directly cultivating the skills we would need. I mean really, who knew we would need to know how to do some of these things?
Not only did we not really plan on being a caregiver in most instances, it can be a lonely and dry place. We eventually find a new normal and learn to function and work with what we have; but loneliness and social isolation are definitely areas we find ourselves having to deal with. It can be a real-life wilderness. And that's why this verse grabbed me this morning. I found comfort in realizing that God remembers how I seek Him in the wilderness.
At the very start, one of my prayers was that He would shield me and protect me from becoming bitter on this journey. The way to protect ourselves from that is to seek Him while we walk through the furnace. We all have good days and rougher days - but being a caregiver is not for the weakling, or the fainthearted. To carry on day after day and not become bitter we must purposefully seek Him.
Just like my faith was redefined during those early caregiving years, I've learned a new way to look at seeking Him. Indirectly, we are taught in many church settings that seeking Him and petitioning Him are synonymous. They are not. If we are continually asking God to do something or to act on our behalf, or even to rescue us - that's not seeking. That's begging.
Seeking Him in my understanding is reaching out to hear His heart, feel His touch and see His face. It's not really about getting Him to change my circumstances as much as it's about allowing His presence to change me.
Today I will meditate on how much I need His nearness. My thoughts will be on desiring to know Him, to know His heart and not just what He can do. I will turn my heart toward His and seek Him no matter how dry the wilderness becomes or if I'm overcome with a flood. I will seek to know Him and His heart. Will you join me?