Don't get me wrong - I am SO thankful for my jobs and being able to take care of my son. It's just that it seems like I put off the thing I feel is the most important to me. God.
It's not like I don't want to spend time with Him, it's just that when I get up at 5 each morning I make my coffee (real priorities here!) and bolus and change Chris. By the time I get set down to drink my first cup, there's tons of things in the forefront of my mind needing to be done, NOW! And so it begins - the circus I call a morning. The aide comes, there's errands to run. Every time I turn around it's time to feed Chris, which means pureeing another meal; or change him or do some therapy. When I'm not doing that - there's tons of work to do. I end most days feeling like I fall way short. Needless to say - I can easily get lost in the shuffle of a normal day.
When I get all caught up in the day-to-days, it's easy to remember I'm valuable to God - to anybody really. But the verse that comes to mind - and I have to remind myself of is Exodus 34:14 which says You must worship no other gods, but only the Lord,, for He is a God who is passionate about His relationship with you. He's patient and passionate. He so longs to be involved in my life and foremost in my heart. And while He passionately pursues us - He also patiently waits for us to "get it."
That fills me with awe for Who He is and how He loves us. We can know passion; and we can be patient - but how can those two dwell together? It seems like they are opposites like my attempts to be organized and caregiving are. Yet He is so determined to have us He will do anything He needs to in order to be with us. He can be patiently waiting - or passionately pursuing. But He's always desiring to be with us. He doesn't look at us and see a caregiver - He sees His beloved.
Today I'm going to meditate on the fact that he's waiting for me to sort through my day to spend time with Him. He is patient and passionate - and He wants to be with me. I'll turn my thoughts to stopping so He can catch me. I'm going to spend my day thinking about how to patiently, passionately pursue Him today. Will you join me?
You are amazing my friend!!! I cant even fathom how you hold down a job. I did attempt go back to work a couple of times but it never came together.For one I could never find good reliable help. And then I tried to work from home but couldn't get hired. So we depend on help from family and I get a small amount from the state of Florida to care for my wife. Very thankful for the help because it allows me to keep working on my wife's rehab. We are able to get a couple of days of therapy a week and then I take her to the gym on the other days. God bless you and know our great and awesome God who according to his great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you. 1 Peter 1:3–4
ReplyDeleteOH I'm not that amazing really - just tired! lol. It's a lot to take your wife to therapy and the gym each week - and I think that is great! One thing about the journey is I've watched God provide all along the way. I have a "full-time" job now but have never even gotten close to my 40 hours a week...just hasn't happened. But when I started out I was literally working for pennies. I worked my way up in freelance writing until I had some income and then found this job working on websites. it's been quite the journey and I'm still thinking about writing a book about it! It's awesome your family helps out! And I hear you loud and clear about trying to find reliable help! But - He always makes a way - and you can tell by lookin' I haven't missed any meals...lol
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