One More Day

Did you ever feel like you're a bit schizo? I'm not making light of a legit condition, but as a caregiver it's so easy to be up one minute and bottom out the next. And on some days it seems like it takes very little to have those extremes.

In my situation personally, I've found myself bottoming out lately. I see all the things my son's friends are now doing and I wonder where he would be if the accident had not occurred. I know it's futile - but the mind still goes there. It fills with questions about would he be married? Have children? Be a famous drummer? Would he have achieved his goals? Where would he have lived? How would he have interacted with his sister's kiddos? The list could go on I know for a fact because questions like these can wreak havoc in my head and heart.

I'm sure it's not the same for every caregiver, but we each deal with our own set of questions. So this morning for my devotions, I turned to an old favorite, Psalm 42. I knew that's where I'd find this verse:

Why am I discouraged?

Why so sad?

I will put my hope in God.

I took the time to look back over this familiar psalm written by Korah's sons. The psalm starts with longing for God, and an intense desire to be with Him. And then immediately the thoughts of the enemy enter in the mind - where is your God? What caregiver hasn't asked that? It's too easy to look at situations and wonder where God is, as if He isn't already in the situation. Trust me - He's invested in each of our situations. He's right here - no matter what we feel or don't feel.

The psalmist goes on to express his broken heart as he looks back over how it used to be. He used to  lead worship. He used to  sing and give thanks and celebrate the Lord as a worshiper. I can relate to this as BC (Before the Crash) I led worship in the church setting too. The past can haunt us if we let it.

Then in verse 6, the psalmist says Now I am deeply discouraged...he states openly and honestly just how he feels. It's the next word that is pivotal. But...I will... I will remember Your kindness. And then his tone changes. Instead of thinking about the past and what he felt he had lost, the psalmist is now experiencing waves of God's love.

The writer of Psalm 77 does something similar. He basically says, Lord, I can't see a thing you are doing right now, but I will think about all you've done. Sometimes we just can't see what He is doing and working in our lives in the present moment. But that does not mean He's not working at all. God is always working for His good pleasure. He is always working things out for good - for His good. We may not see a thing and it may seem like He's moved far away - but He has not.

Today I will do just what these two psalmist have modeled, I will turn my thoughts to all God has  done already. I'll meditate on His faithfulness, how He has been a comfort, a stronghold, my protector and provider. My thoughts will be on all He has brought me through. I won't look at what I'm going through right now - I'll tell my soul to look to Him. And then, I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?