And then there are days I do not.
I'm sure I'm the only caregiver who has days where I worry a lot about what I need to get done, spend time wringing my hands, drinking coffee and staring at the wall. I'm all spaced out - I'm on overload and breathing is enough work for the day! (Am I alone?)
Of course, there are also plenty of days in between where I get tasks completed, but not near what I had hoped. Those days I have to encourage myself and reaffirm the things I did get done and just let the rest go. That's where my thoughts were when I realized - I'm not Superwoman. Not only do I not have the body build for that role, I simply can't do more than what is humanly possible. I can't do more than what is cargiving-ly possible either!
I have to hang up the cape and learn to be content with what I can get done each day. It's okay if I storm the city gates and tear down the walls only to build new ones on Monday. And then feel like Chris' basic care is all I have the energy for on Tuesday. I have no idea how we can go from superhero to zero all in a day, but we do. At least I do!
We can see in Philippians 4, that Paul may have also had some of these feelings. His caregiving was much different than ours as he had the responsibility of taking care of all the new baby Christians, and the church that was still in a baby state needing tons of extra attention to help bring order. His plate was full too - just different from ours.
It's easy to quote verse 11 where Paul said he had learned to be content in whatever circumstances he was in. But contextually, he is speaking of facing some rough times of his own. He goes on to say he knew how to live in prosperity - and with want. He knew how to be full - and go hungry if need be. He knew how to have abundance - and suffer need. The faith-ers don't like to think about going hungry, having needs or suffering. They seem to think if they ignore it it will go away - or it doesn't exist and can be confessed away. And while I am a big proponent of guarding our confessions and keeping out mouths in line with the Word, we still have to deal with the gritty day-by-day and take it as it comes.
Right now, I am struggling to keep my head above water. I've got far more on my plate than what I will be able to physically accomplish. I'm willing to hang up my cape and go from superhero to zero and be content in Him.
Today, I will turn my meditation to His provision. I will wait on Him instead of thinking I can do it all myself. I'll contentedly be the zero in life's equation today and let Him be the Hero. Instead of worrying, I'll turn my thoughts to all the ways He has provided for me over these caregiving years - and even before. My thoughts will be on Him - not me. I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?
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