Double pain. I grieve over the loss of my son, and I hurt as I watch my daughter struggle to deal with it all as well. One of a mother's worst nightmares. I'm proud of the woman she has become and how she has let it bring her closer to God, but the journey, like each of ours, has been difficult.
I guess caregiving really changes us, but we don't always realize how much or in what ways those changes are affecting us. They keep telling us that we are emerging a beautiful butterfly - but too often I still feel stifled in a cocoon with no flight in site.
I'm sitting here and reflecting on our memories recent and past and wondering what to do with all the emotions. Then out of nowhere I get this text that just says "Psalm 35." I was like - what a jerk to just send a reference and no point! lol So of course, I opened my Bible and read through the chapter. David talks a lot about stumbling, fighting, affliction, and fighting with his enemies. I'm thinking it sounds a lot like one of my days lately.
As I read through this declarative prayer I found two things that stood out to me. I am still learning about praying about my enemies since we don't wrestle against flesh and blood and aides and agencies....But what did stand out what the declaration in verse 10 - All my bones will say, Lord who is like You....." I really like that - I want my bones to cry out even if my voice can't - and declare that He is Lord of my life.
The second verse that grabbed my attention was the final one. And my tongue shall declare Your righteousness and Your praise all day long. May this be so. May I direct my tongue to declare His righteousness each day - no matter what the day brings. 1 Corinthians 1:30 says that Christ become righteousness for us. That truth cannot be changed no matter what happens to us this side of time. And that's a good thing.
Today, I will continue to say in my heart, Lord, there is none like You. And I will thank Him for becoming my righteousness. I'll turn my thoughts back to the cross where He paid the price for me, where He bore my pain and grief so I could remain in right standing with Him. My meditation will be on how He covers me...forever. I will rest in Him today knowing He has done a complete work by making me righteous and I will rejoice in this and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?