Once we moved to the nursing home, I got up each morning and went for a walk or a run and soon I ran my first 5K race. I fell in love and I guess the rest is history.
It's been part of my way of dealing with the constant grief and pain of caregiving. But I also enjoy it. There really is a runner's high and I look forward to feeling better after my run. My mom is coming today to stay for a few days so my dad has a break. This means double duty for me and not as much running. I do have a treadmill so I might be able to run a bit, but she needs constant supervision and my treadmill is on my patio - might or might not happen.
As I got up this morning and started to prepare for her visit, I was thinking about running and not running. And I thought, why do I run, why am I a runner? My immediate answer to myself was, I run to Him.
When emotions overrun me - I run to Him.
When caregiving is heavy - I run to Him.
When I'm not sure what step to take next - I run to Him.
When the bills are due and money is short - I run to Him.
When living grief tries to swallow me whole - I run to Him.
The name of the Lord is a strong tower -
the righteous runs to Him and are safe.
Proverbs 18:10
I'm running on the outside - but on the inside I'm running straight to Him. I think in my mind, I'm like a hurting child running and jumping into the arms of my Father. Other times, I feel like I'm running to Him and crumbling at His feet underneath it all. Either way - when we run to Him, He never turns us away. He lifts us up in His arms and comforts us, strengthens us and carries us for as long as it's needed.
Today, I will run to Him again. I'll bring all my pain, my grief, my weariness - to Him. My meditations will be on how He meets me right where I am with no condemnation, no guilt trips, no questions. He simply meets me and holds me. And from there, I'll trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?
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Jeanie,
ReplyDeleteI am a caregiver for my parents for over 7 years. I have been reading your devos for few yrs now and look forward to them daily. Its what i feel the Lord is speaking to me directly for tht day. You have been a great encouragement to me in ways you can't imagine. My momma passed away 2 weeks ago and today is my first time reading a devo. On e again, He speaks directly to me thru you. Thank you for being so faithful and honest and raw in your writings. i pray for you and your son often. Keep holding on to Him Jeanie...and even if you let loose, Hes still got you.
In His Grip....Michelle (frm Chicago)
Hi Michelle. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I know that is so difficult. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I appreciate you letting me know you've been reading along.Thank you for your prayers and your kind words. I will be yet holding on to Him!
ReplyDeleteThanks again for reading!
jeanie