Thursday, January 18, 2018

I Trust God

If you've read this devotion much you know I love the Psalms. Lately, I've been in Psalm 119. Sometimes, it's nice to read it slow and just digest it. This psalm is of course long, but it's broken up into little bite-size pieces. I've been taking it a chunk at a time. It's easy to tell David had a love for the word of God.

As the psalm unfolds, David continues to talk about the word and how he meditates on it, thinks about it, searches for it, and just generally loves it. Today I focused on verses 41 to 48. But my mind settled on the first two verses this morning.

May Your lovingkindnesses also come to me, O Lord,
Your salvation according to Your word;
So I will have an answer for him who reproaches me,
For I trust in Your word. (vs 41-42)

These two stood out because they stirred up some memories of my past. I recalled a time I was reproached for being ill. A woman literally sat by my bed telling me all the things I was doing wrong. She told me my sin held me in the sick bed and until I repented, I would not be well. I was so weak. I could barely speak. But I would whisper, I trust God.

During that time I held on to Psalm 57:1 and to His promise in Psalm 103 that He would renew my youth like the eagle. I clung to those two verses. I confessed them. Meditated on them and made them my focus. And just like He promised, He raised me up from the deathbed. My mom had planned my funeral - it looked like there was no hope. But He chose to take away my reproach. I had no answer but that I was trusting in God.

Recently, my son's situation, my situation, my family's situation as caregivers was a reproach to some. Later, they said it was just a misunderstanding and they tried to dismiss it as such. But some hurtful things were said to my daughter. A friend's son suffered a brain injury in a terrible accident. My daughter was told to not contact them. The implication was that we obviously didn't have the faith for Chris to be healed so don't contact them or we might make them doubt or cause them fear. Once again I felt that reproach. The emotions of that moment I do not want to relive. Yet, I will still say I trust God. 

Some reproach caregivers. They have no idea. It's been an amazing journey. Of faith. Of hope. Of love. Of self-discovery and God-discovery. But it's not a reproach. I trust He continues to give me answers to those who would bring reproach, those who look down on our situations as if there is no hope. Really. We are filled with hope - His hope carries us through each moment of each day. After nearly 10 years of disappointments, trials, struggles.. I can still say I trust God.

Today, I make that my declaration again - I trust God. No matter what today brings - I will continue to trust Him. I'll meditate on his faithfulness as I continue to trust. I trust God - today and every day. Will you join me?

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