Skip to main content

Total Dependence

Some nights when I get Chris to bed, I crawl up next to him to snuggle and tell him "good night." Sometimes he pushes on me like I'm in his space and he wants me to go away. lol Other times, like last night, he looks me directly in the eyes as if to communicate he loves me. At least that's what my imagination says, and I'm not going to argue.

After I posted this picture in his group page on Facebook last night, I sat and looked at it for awhile. I've learned so much about love, self-denial, God's love and myself on this caregiving journey. But that's not where my mind went this time.

This time, I thought about how Chris is dependent on me. For everything. His food. His safety. His comfort. His therapy. Literally everything. He can't do anything without my help, except complain about my help. That's okay though, it means I'm doing my job.

As I thought about my son's utter dependence on me, I wondered what it might be like if I was utterly dependent on God. What if I relied on Him for my every move? What if I trusted Him for every bite of food, my clothes, my care, my safety, my soul, my health?

My son was an adult when his accident occurred and he was taking care of himself. But with the head injury, he became dependent. It's normal to refrain from being dependent on something, or someone unless we just have to - but what if we just decided to become totally dependent on Him? What would that look like?

What if we waited for Him for our breath?
What if we waited for Him for our sustenance?
What if we waited for Him for our provision?
What if we waited on Him......period?

David must have had a clue. He gave us glimpses into waiting on Him in several psalms.

Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. (Ps. 33:20)
My soul waits in silence for God only; from Him is my salvation. (Ps. 62:1)
My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed more than the watchmen for the morning. (Ps. 130:6)

Today, I declare my total dependence on Him. I will command my soul to wait on Him. I'll let Him fill in the gaps. My meditations will be on waiting on Him in silence. (That's the hard part.) I'll think about being less independent - and much more dependent on His word and His way in my life. I'll wait for Him for direction, for provision, for comfort. And I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me in becoming totally dependent on Him?


  1. I remember those moments of connection with Mama... so precious. Great picture.

    Jeanie, most times I am moved beyond words by what you post, but I write SOMETHING just so you know someone's out here, hoping it somehow helps to have that visible confirmation. Please know I am reading and praying your strength.

    Moving forward, to avoid conversational narcissism, unless I feel specifically led with a comment to encourage YOU, not circle back to being about me, I will indicate "I am here, and I am praying" with a <3.


  2. I totally understand. Thank you for letting me know you are there. And of course, thanks for reading!



Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Application

 Do you ever look at scriptures and wonder if they are really for you? I'm not talking about our "regular" ones that we hold on to through the storm. Passages like Psalm 46:1 - God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble" - those are our stand-bys, right? But other scriptures, like 2 Peter 1. We don't see a lot of caregiving in the Bible and it would be easy for us to think we are exempt from His blessings, right? I mean it just makes sense that He walks with us through the storms, fires, and deep waters. But if we look at it practically - how do we reap His benefits? Let me say this - we are not  ineligible for any of His blessings just because our circumstances are different than most. I've said it before, but it is worth saying again - there are no exclusionary statements for caregivers. Jesus didn't say He would leave His peace for everyone except caregivers, did He? I'm so glad!! So this morning as I was reading in 2 Pe

We Are His!

  Social isolation is real, for caregivers. Actually, most of us dealt with it LONG before the COVID pandemic. It was almost amusing, if it hadn't been so serious, to see people whining and crying about having to stay home and "miss" all the social interaction. I wrote a post welcoming them to our world. Many of us have lived a life of social isolation for years. Our "norm" just become more complicated during the pandemic.  I guess the aloneness is what made this scripture stand out in my private devotions this morning. It's a familiar passage, and yes, I was reading it because yesterday was Thanksgiving, and giving thanks was on my mind.  Psalm 100 is just five short verses and I really enjoy the New Living Translation, but any translation or paraphrase is good! Verse three is the one that stood out to me today. It says Acknowledge that He is God! He made us, and we are His. We are His people, the sheep of His pasture. I noticed, of course, that the caregiv

One Little Catch

  There always seems to be a catch doesn't there? I think as caregivers we find ourselves in spots with catches a lot! The things that should be simple to navigate or often complex due to caregiving responsibilities. simple things like going to grab a prescription that's ready or swing by the grocery store are much more difficult when you have to take into account the care of a loved one.  People may say, It's easy - just go - but by the time they get to the "go" part our minds are burdened with all it takes to just go. For me, it means clothing and transferring another whole human being! lol - There's no just  jumping in the car and heading out, right? It's opening and lowering the ramp - getting the chair in the van and situation properly. Then, getting all the buckles in place and secure before we can "just go." Sometimes God's answers seem to be complex too. In Psalm 50 verse 15, God says He will rescue us - all we have to do (just....) i