Grace Reigns

While it is a joy and an honor to take care of our loved ones, there is a very painful side to caregiving. Our hearts hurt on many levels. Personally, I grieve the loss of my son and all he could have become. I also grieve the loss of my mom - who she was before dementia. And now, as life has brought more change, I grieve for my daddy who is struggling with this part of life too. He has spent over 50 years with mama - she has been his life. Much like my son, she is still here but gone.

Last night I called my mom's sister to explain the new arrangements with mom. She didn't take it too well. She is grieving her loss of mobility as she is barely getting around with a walker at 87 and is needing more constant care. Can I say, my heart hurts?

People are mostly gracious and compassionate to caregivers. But there are times when you are looked down on as if you don't have faith - or you wouldn't be in this situation. I have felt this from church-like folks many times. They want to condemn your choices and can send some pretty negative signals. Social isolation hurts too.

A few weeks ago, I was in a down, painful spot. I felt the condemnation of those who wanted to look down on me. What I found was His grace. I sat and penned these words - hoping to put some music to it possibly later. His grace is so amazing - gently carrying me through the storm.

His Grace Reigns

Fighting the same thing over and over

I never seem to win

Like a horrid monster returning

Again, and again

When will the nightmare end?

The more the pain

The more grace reigns

Down on me

Time and again

In the midst of my sorrow

And in the deepest pain

His grace reigns

My heart is so broken

Don’t know what to say or do

The “proud and the mighty” say

“just look at you”

A sight to behold

I ask – does my walk offend you?

The more the pain

The more grace reigns

Down on me

Time and again

In the midst of my sorrow

And in the deepest pain

His grace reigns

Throw my pain back in my face

Tell me to look the other way

Because I have “no faith”?

Shame on you don’t you recall

Job prayed for his friends

Then they were healed one and all

The more the pain

The more grace reigns

Down on me

Time and again

In the midst of my sorrow

And in the deepest pain

His grace reigns

Today, I will just think about the grace He has extended to those of us hurting inside. My meditations will be on His great grace - his work of heart. As I sort through my various emotions - I'll keep turning my heart to the peace He pours out, the strength He gives when I rest in Him and the hope of His eternal love and grace. I'll crawl up in His heart today and let His grace reign. Will you join me?