He Listened

I would say that today is a rough day, but with caregiving, that pretty much describes every day so it's nothing unusual. Today my sweet mama moves into a nursing facility where she can be watched and cared for closely. My heart grieves over my mom who is getting on in the later stages of dementia. And my heart hurts for my daddy who is grieving too. They spent their last night together last night - and this morning is the move. It's heart-wrenching. He's been her caregiver for several years already and told me he can't take care of her anymore. I assured him that this is taking care of her.

As a full-time caregiver our emotions can run on raw, and dealing with the day-to-day stuff is difficult enough. It's like that last straw that breaks the camel's back, or the last apple that upsets the applecart. Emotions can run stretched and tight. Yesterday, I let God know exactly how I felt about it all. I was frustrated, angry, disappointed and hurting. And I dumped it all out before Him. And He listened.

So, this morning as I was preparing for live devotions, two verses stood out to me. We are working our way through Psalm 119. Verse 145 says I cried to You with all my heart and then again in the next verse David says, I cried to You!  Been there - done that. I am pretty sure there's not a caregiver out there who hasn't done that! But maybe it's just me. lol.

I can pour my heart out at the foot of His throne - and He doesn't get mad at me or fry me down to my toenails. He could, you know. He listens. He waits. He lets me rant and rave. He knows I'm frustrated - He understands.

The next verse that lept off the page at me was verse 151. You are near O Lord, Your commandments are truth. And that is where I camped. How many times on this caregiving journey have I gotten to the point where I can't think, I am numb from feeling too much. It seems I know absolutely nothing. But I can break it down to two truths to hold on to.

1. I know God is there.
2. I know His word is true.

Sometimes, I just have to go back to the bare basics and whisper, God, I know you exist. That may be all I know - and I visit that thought frequently. I know He is there. No matter how rough it gets - even in my mind - I know His word is true.Sometimes that is what makes it rough - I wish I had it in me to give up, pack it all away and quit. But I just don't. His word is forever established - it was established before He said, "Let there be light!" And it will still be established throughout eternity. His word was established before the Bible was in print. (Now that's a thought.) It just leaked out of the pens of men who got close enough to Him to hear His eternal words. They got close enough to the Kingdom of Heaven they heard some little blips and wrote 'em down. :-)

Today, I am going to meditate on these two truths: God is near. His word is true. When I feel myself slipping into that emotional abyss - I'll remind myself He is near. His word is true. I'll turn my thoughts to the eternal - foreverness of His word. I'll cling to Him and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?