We truly want to protect the dignity of our loved ones, so there are some things, they may never know. It can be very humbling to take care of a whole person. It's also an honor, but when I am taking care of some of the more personal stuff, my thoughts can go crazy. Here I am doing this, and I thought I was called to the mission field. Smh. I think about how I used to lead worship. Is this where God wants me? I taught Bible classes (still do online). I think I was way off about what God called me to do. These are just a few of the thoughts running through my mind while doing some caregiving tasks.
Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be anywhere else. I don't want to leave my son. He is my priority mission and ministry right now. And I am okay with that. I just didn't see this coming. The future looked a lot different in my head 11 years ago. I was going to reach retirement age and travel around the world. Actually, I was scheduled to go to Africa in January '09 when the wreck occurred in November '08. It took me awhile to be "okay" with that. Again, it was humbling.
Sometimes life BC (before caregiving) or during caregiving, just doesn't make sense. We may never know the "why" behind things that happen in life. And maybe someday it will all make sense. whether or not it ever makes sense, we have lots of choices to make. I find myself making them over and over every single day it seems. Some days are it's-all-in-your-face days and I find myself choosing between anger and peace, between frustration and joy, between ranting and praying.
Lately, I've been studying about walking humbly with God. (Micah 6:8) And this morning I fell into Psalm 25:9. He leads the humble in what is right, teaching them His way. (NLT,1996) The journey really is much easier if we walk humbly before Him. While our circumstances bring about a humility, the one we choose gets us closer to Him. I can choose to rant and rave - and you guys know I do that from time to time - but it doesn't move Him near like coming before Him in humility and acknowledging, Lord, I am still Your child. I'm still Your servant. I am still a worshipper. That's when He begins to move heaven on our behalf.
Circumstances and situations may or may not change, but walking in humility before Him means we are still pliable, moldable in His hands. I still want to learn His ways, whether or not I ever understand life's struggles. I want to know more about Him period. Choosing humility will keep us teachable, and boy do I have a lot to learn!
Today, I will continue thinking about what it means to humble myself before Him, what it means to be pliable in His hand and remain teachable. I'm also going to think about ways and areas where I haven't exhibited humility - I want to address those areas because I want to be solely His. I'll concentrate on humbling myself before Him in prayer, in worship, in study, in attitude (it might be a long day.. lol). And I will humble myself to trust Him for today. Will you join me?