Then I have my own feelings of being forgotten to deal with. Friends I thought I had have disappeared with no way to make new ones. I've actually resolved myself to online relationships. I'm okay with that. It makes it much easier to stay comfortable in my caregiver's cave. That one we are drawn to so often because of the social isolation. I mean, really, if there's no one there when I think I need someone, it's much easier to go to the back of the cave than deal with the rejection.
But then there is another level of those feelings of being forgotten. It feels like God has forgotten us. I know the drill. It starts with the word says..... but knowing that doesn't really ease the pain. I guess what eats at me is seeing others "get better" and I'm very happy for them. Honestly. But it's so easy to attribute the good things that happen in life to God (ie when we get what we wanted), and the bad things that happen to the devil (translated - the things we don't like or want).
I guess my question is this. When someone else says God healed or is healing their son's brain injury - then "God is so good" where does that leave me? God has not chosen to heal my son. Does that mean God isn't good? Or maybe it's just that He loves them better than me. For whatever reason, God let the wreck happen. For whatever reasons, sickness happens. For whatever reasons illnesses and death happen.
I feel forgotten. Looked over. Like God doesn't really interfere with life. But you know what, I am not alone. Turns out I'm in some pretty good company. Job 19:14 says my family is gone and my close friends have forgotten me. Been there, done that. Right now family is more present, but there were some days in between when I was all alone.
In Psalm 42:9, David cries out, O God my rock, why have You forgotten me? Must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies? In Psalm 77:9 the psalmist asks, Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He slammed the door on His compassion? It's not just David though, in Isaiah 49:19, the prophet says, Yet Jerusalem says, the Lord has deserted us, the Lord has forgotten us.
At first, I was like - see, I'm not the only one God has forgotten, or at least not the only one who ever felt that way. My feelings of loneliness, abandonment and of being looked over by God were justified. But then I'm just hanging there, with nothing to grab on to. So, I went back to see what was said next in each of these passages.
In Job 19, he describes how alone he was and how loathed he was by friends and family. (We are not always loathed - people just don't know what to do with us!) But then Job says I know my Redeemer lives. In spite of his feelings. In spite of the aloneness, he knew that he knew that he knew his Redeemer lives. He said even after my skin is destroyed - I will see Him.
In Psalm 42, David pours out how he felt forgotten by God, overcome with grief and oppressed. Sounds like what we deal with from time to time. Day to day. Minute to minute. But then, he goes on to say why are you in despair, my soul? He states he will trust in God - no matter how it feels. He will still praise God. No matter how he feels. He will still look to God for help - no matter how he feels.
Psalm 77 has been one I've gone to frequently when I don't see God doing anything. In verse 9, Asaph says God has forgotten to be gracious. But he follows it up with - (not KJV) fine then. If I don't see Him doing anything right now, I'll just remind myself of what he has done before.
I find comfort in these scriptures today. First, in that I am not the first, nor will I be the last to feel forgotten by people and God. There's no condemnation. It's just how I feel. Secondly, in the fact that in each of these instances they had a big "but." They were open and honest about how they felt - but they didn't leave it there. I feel forgotten - but my Redeemer lives! I feel alone - but I will trust. I feel like God is not doing anything - but I will remember what He's already done.
Today, I will recall all the times He has walked with me through the storm. I'll meditate on the times He walked through the fire with me, and think about the times He's had to carry me when I didn't have the strength to go on. I will declare - My Redeemer lives! No matter what I feel, what I see with my eyes or hear with my ears - He lives. And I will trust Him for one more day - will you join me?
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