Leave it There

Chris and I made the trip up to Guthrie this week to see my mom again. One of my sisters was there and so was daddy for a little bit. My mom is losing it a little more all the time, but she seems pleasant. She also still remembers all of us. My sister showed her a picture one of our longtime family friends posted on Facebook this week. It is of many of the old-timers who were the prayer warriors at the church we grew up in. Mama named everyone one of them! It's funny what she remembers and what she doesn't. It's like her head is running around in all her old memories and randomly pulling them out one by one. I'm thankful she has good memories for her head to get lost in.

I don't think this trip was as emotional for me, so maybe I'm adjusting. It does help to see her happy. Who'd have thought she would love bingo though?

As I was driving home, I was thinking about these ladies who led the way for us. They taught my mama how to pray and she taught me. Maybe I learned more from watching her take everything to Him in prayer... and leave it there. I remember those old school prayer meetings - these women could pray the house down for sure. I was so curious as a small child and I remember specifically being at Virgie's house and all of them in there praying. I would stand at the old screen door and cup my hands so I could see in better. I'd stand and watch for what seemed like hours. I didn't know it was training. lol

BC (before caregiving) I learned how to pray. But during caregiving, I've learned more of the leave it there part. There are times we pray but don't feel a thing and don't see any change. But we know through faith we can take our burdens to Him. He'll take them so we don't have to carry them. That can actually be difficult for caregivers. Our situations often push us to do things outside our comfort zones, things unfamiliar and difficult. But we press through. We are forced to be independent - ain't no one else gonna do it, right? We roll up our sleeves and tackle many uncomfortable and hard situations. But leaving it there - letting God have our cares, our worries, our struggles, our insecurities, is really the hard part sometimes.

1 Peter 5:7 comes to mind. Casting all your care on Him for He cares for you. That is very difficult for most caregivers. You don't often find us asking for help. We are so used to being in I'll do it myself mode - because we have to be if things are going to get done - giving Him anything at all feels like losing control. Maybe that act of taking our cares and concerns to Him and leaving them there - with Him - is what we need. It puts Him back in control - let Him care for us. I've said that before - He is the caregiver's caregiver. Let's let Him carry us. Let's let Him carry our heavy burdens and deepest concerns. His shoulders are big enough - and He doesn't get tired! Ever.

Today I will be thinking about how to cast my "anxious thoughts" over to Him. My efforts will be in letting go of them and letting Him handle them for me. I'll be taking my thoughts, worries, concerns, anxieties to Him and casting them in His lap and leaving them there. I'll meditate on how He is my caregiver - He cares for me. I will trust Him - with me. Will you join me?