Thursday, March 8, 2018

Power of Thankfulness

I loaded Chris up in the van yesterday and drove about an hour north to Guthrie, Oklahoma to see my mama. She's been in a nursing facility for a few weeks now and is adjusting very well. Daddy's feelings are still hurt that he had to put her there, but I keep trying to assure him that this is the best thing for her at this point. They provide the 24/7 she needs and he gets some rest so he's not so tired or sick all the time.

She's doing well. I wish I could have gotten a picture of us though. Daddy had to run some errands so Chris and I were there with her for close to two hours. She decided to go for a walk. So she gets her walker and I get behind Chris' chair and as we are heading out the door, her snoozing roommate decides she's coming with. I helped her get up out of her chair and equipped her with her walker and off we went! A motley crew indeed! lol

Mama still knows us, for which I am very thankful. She introduced us to everyone as her "oldest daughter" and her grandson, Chris. Her conversation was all over the place. It was about "that song you wrote about God" and little pieces of memories coming out all along. But she's happy.

It hurts my heart to see her like this - as all those who've gone through this before know all too well. But I think what bothered me the most was that I was trying to remember who she was and it was difficult with who she is right now glaring in my face. That greatly disturbed me and was very emotional.

My mom was a nurse for years, a minister, a pastor - a lover of people. She still is that for sure, she went in almost everyone's room and just chatted. lol. For now, she loves her teddy bears. She talks to them as if they were small children and sings to them. It's sweet - but it's not.

After a couple of hours, I loaded Chris back up and headed home. My heart and my mind were so full and busy. I had no words. I had no emotions. I couldn't cry. (I don't usually anyway.) I was just numb.

I sat last night with coffee in hand, just thinking about life. Then Dennis Jernigan went live on Facebook. He sang so many of the older songs I remember from back when he was just getting started. I couldn't sing. But I listened and worship was like the ointment my heart needed. It brought healing.

After a while, I began to think about what I was most thankful for. It was amazing how my emotions shifted. I am thankful that all the memories running around in mama's head she's living in right now - are pleasant. I'm thankful she's happy and well cared for. I'm thankful she still knows us and enjoys seeing us. Once I shifted to gratefulness, my mind wasn't as foggy. It was a true mood changer.

Today, I'm going to continue with an attitude of thanksgiving. When my mind gets bogged down or my emotions run over, I'll start listing things I am thankful for. I'll begin with being thankful for His presence and healing touch. Then, I'll continue with how He walks with us through these times - never abandons. Maybe from there, I'll continue to be thankful that He is my shelter - a present help in times of trouble, for that I am truely thankful. Gratefulness abounds here today - will you join me? It's a game changer!

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