One at a Time

Sorry for my absence, but my son was in the hospital most of last week. Just part of the journey, right? But it sure does stir up a wide range of emotions. I'm not sure if the social isolation or the battle for the soul is more difficult. By the soul, I mean the mind, will, and emotions. It sometimes feels like life has taken me captive and sentenced me to life without parole.

The caregiver can struggle with so many things on an emotional level as the tasks of taking care of loved ones wears away at our heart. We do what we do because we love them - but that doesn't mean it's easy. Jesus died for us because He loves us - but that didn't make the cross a pleasant journey.

Maybe I am only speaking for myself, but my emotions can be all over the place from one second to another. Fears and doubts try to chip away at faith leaving my heart and mind in shreds. Oftentimes, I feel like a prison caught between my faith and the reality of the day-to-day. As it all closes in around me it can be an internal war zone. Often I feel like a victim - but I refuse to take on a victim mentality. One of the lines in a Zach Williams song says, "I don't want to be a prisoner."

This morning as I was running laps around the parking lot with Chris looking on, I was praying about these feelings. The thought came through my mind of Moses. He led the Children of Israel out - one step at a time. God didn't pick them up and set them in the promised land. He walked them through struggle after struggle, through battle after battle, through challenge after challenge.  Joseph didn't have a dream and then see it fulfilled. He walked through years of struggle, dismay, and maltreatment before he saw it come true.

I guess I'm saying that the deliverance of our souls come one step at a time - not just once and done. God walks us through each fight with fear, each battle with doubt, through the weariness - and temptations... He delivers my soul one little piece at a time. I'll cherish each step of the journey then because I realize each time I finish upright and faithful He's freed a little more of my soul.

Today, I will begin to rejoice that we are still winning - even though it is a difficult journey. Even though life rages against the soul He is the keeper of my soul. Today, I will trust Him to keep me and my soul intact. Will you join me?