In James chapter 1, it says to count it all joy when you encounter trials and tribulations. JOY? To be totally honest, joy isn't the first emotion I usually feel when things get tough. Joy may eventually come - but certainly not at the onset of trials and tribulations.
As a caregiver, we live in a rough spot. Nothing is easy. Literally everything can feel like a struggle. Life has a way of pressing, pressing, and pressing in on us until it's a struggle some days to just breathe. But as life presses in on us - no matter what the struggle, it presses out what is really inside. When life turns up the heat, we find out how much we really trust Him, how much we really believe His word, and how strong our grasp is on His promise and His word.
I've said before that when my son was first injured, I learned so much about faith. It's been totally redefined for me - and it's nothing like I'd been taught or believed. Hindsight lets me know that this is just one of the things that are better in my life even though life didn't get "better."
The purpose of the press is to press out whatever is inside. As life presses in, we'll begin to see what we are really made of. Perhaps it's just because we don't have the energy to keep up a facade of faith. Maybe it's due to our spirit of survival that we cut off what isn't working and what's hanging us up. Getting rid of the "fluff and stuff" is the only way we can continue to do what we do - caregiving takes up a lot, we don't have time, room, or energy for unnecessary extras.
Today, I'm going to rest in the press of life. I want to know how much I trust Him. I want to know if I really hear Him - and if I'll obey when it gets hard. My thoughts will be on how He has carried me these last 10 years. And today, I'm going to continue to follow His lead and let Him carry me into the next 10 years - whatever they look like. I'll let the press get rid of the gook, stuff, and fluff so I can see Him more clearly and trust Him more fully. Will you join me?
I know all this is true Jeanie but I am in a place I cant even open my bible. Hears is the brutal truth that keeps ringing in my ears our life sucks. After 6 years of constant fighting to get even the basics it just wears me down. I know I need to be in Gods word. I have no excuse guess I just want to wallow in self pity. The battle is in the mind and staying positive when you are sleep deprived and lonely is ssoooo hard. God help me
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! Some days it takes all my energy to keep breathing. Caregiving is hard. Period. And it is a constant struggle that many do not understand. It takes all your strength just to function some days (most days)(all days). It's not necessarily "self pity" my friend - you are in a very difficult place where surviving each day a second at a time is the goal. Hang in there - He's got you even when you don't feel it - even when we are mad at Him - even when we are just trying to make it from one moment to the next without breaking. This life does suck... we suffer loss, we suffer grief - constantly - there isn't a break. For me, sometimes the truth that "He sees" and "He knows" is more frustrating because I want Him to DO! But all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of another and continue taking care of our loved ones. That intense love for them is what carries us (or shoves us whichever!).
DeleteThanks a little better today.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for reading my friend.
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