Monday, December 31, 2018

What was that?

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I picked up my Bible and thought I'd read a bit. I naturally gravitate toward the Psalms, so I just started reading some of the verses I had underlined. I was in Psalm 9 reading where David is talking about God being a shelter for the oppressed. Sometimes it can feel like life itself is oppressing for caregivers with pressure on every side. I read on down through verse 10 where David says the Lord has never abandoned anyone who searches for Him. I thought about that a little bit before I continued to read on.

Soon, I found myself in Psalm 10 which starts out with O Lord, why do You stand so far away? Why do You hide when I need You the most?  I was thinking, "Is this the same guy? Is this the king or the shepherd? I thought back on what he'd said so confidently in Psalm 9. Then I remembered a favorite from Psalm 46. This same David said God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. (NLT)

It sure seems like he could go from one extreme to another. One minute he's crying out where'd You go, God? And the next he's thanking God for being ever present. The waves of life can tip us either way can't they? One minute we are boasting in how God carries us, tends to us, and is always with us; and the next we are crying out wondering where He went and feeling like He abandoned us, but knowing He didn't. He really has no place else to go - He's already everywhere.

Somehow it's comforting to me to know how brutally honest David was when pouring out his feelings. It encourages me to be more transparent with God no matter what the day brings or doesn't bring. Sometimes my heart knows He doesn't abandon, but my head is not too sure. My heart knows He provides when my thoughts get anxious about things. My heart knows He is a constant help in time of trouble - even when my mind is troubled about many things as a caregiver. And it's okay - because He knows.

Today, I'm going to listen to my heart more than my head. I'll trust He's got this - and He's got me. I'll meditate on the verse out of Psalm 9 that reminds me He never abandoned anyone who searches for Him. I'll continue my search for Him today as I trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

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