Job's response to bad news getting worse was to shave his head as a sign of mourning and fell to the ground and worshipped. The heading in one of my Bibles says, Job's Testing. Well, our friend Job who endured much hardship passed his test - his response was perfect. Verse 22 of chapter 1 says in all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God. I wish I could say that in my trial I didn't sin by blaming God. I cannot.
I've often wondered why. What did I do wrong? Where did I not trust Him? etc. In those midnight hours when Chris was sick and had a high fever or days that were just rougher, I've been so angry at God for allowing it to happen. I've asked the hard questions - it's not like He is unaware of them hiding out in my heart anyway - Why have you forsaken me? Do you see what is happening? What's wrong? Can't you heal brain injuries?
You get the idea. Job passed his "test." And over time, we pass ours too. I may be a little slow. But I always come back around to God. Seriously, I have nowhere else to go. I am not looking for another shelter. I'm not looking for another god to sustain my soul. I know that I know that I know God is my source. And I always let my emotions out and then work back around to full trust. Isn't that still passing the test? I think so.
Those down moments for caregivers come when we are tired, exhausted, socially isolated, overwhelmed and frustrated. But they don't last long. I'm so thankful that God allows me to dump out my emotions without judgment or condemnation. He is right there to pick me up and comfort me when I stop hollering and whimpering. He never fails His test either. :-)
Today, I'm thankful for a God who waits nearby until I let Him pick me up raw emotions and all. I'll meditate on how He does not judge me for letting caregiving "get to me." He patiently waits until I can trust Him again. I love that about Him. My meditation will be on how He is the "keeper of my soul" and that includes my crazy emotions. I'll trust Him to love me, carry me, and be patient with me through this storm. Will you join me?
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