Skip to main content

Search Again

I love the Psalms. Maybe it's the way David and the other psalmists are so open and honest with their feelings. They say things we are taught not to say. Their openness and vulnerability help remind me that God doesn't get mad at us when we speak our mind. He may shake His head a bit or roll His eyes, lol. But He gets us. It's Psalm 103:14 that tells us, He remembers we are but dust (or flesh).  He knows us - He knows our frailty. He understands our humanness, even in the midst of caregiving. I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing our weaknesses to Him - telling Him how we feel. It's not like He doesn't know if we don't tell Him.

Sometimes, though, I wonder how my babbling could make sense to Him. But then I remind myself that He understood it before I said it. That's right. Psalm 139:4 says You know what I am going to say even before I say it.  That lets me know he knows my heart's intent and the words are not as important. There have been those times I've broken down under the load of caregiving - worn out, exhausted, weary, grieved, and any other term that might fit - and I've had no words only silent cries. It's during those times I often feel Him the closest.

I think that's why I like psalm 139 so much and why I return to it so often. David talks about an up-close-and-personal God - one who is not afraid to be intimate with His people. A God who knows all the ins and outs and loves anyway. He never tosses me aside because I get frustrated with the situation (and I do that often!). He doesn't distance Himself from me (couldn't if He wanted to) when I go off into crazy mode. Those times I am off the chain and not sure what to do next - He whispers I am Here.  And then He offers direction and peace.

In this psalm, David talks about the omnipresence of God and that there is nowhere we can go to "get away" from Him. The deepest, darkest days of caregiving cannot separate us from Him. The highest, most pleasant days can't either.

What I found interesting as I read it this morning was this, though. In the first verse, David says O Lord, You have examined my heart and know everything about me. He goes through the whole discourse about how God is with us and He cannot possibly leave us - nor can we actually leave Him. Then he says in verse 23 Search me O God, and know my heart, test me and know my thoughts. It just hit me a bit funny that he expressed in the final verses what he said had already happened. Maybe David and I are related. lol

Sometimes we can feel like God is so close. Honestly, there are times it feels He is far away. We can go from you have searched me to search me again in a matter of seconds. And that's okay with God. He has searched before time began, He remembers our hearts, and He will search us again just to let us know He understands us. He gets us. And He still chooses to be with us. I like that.

Today once again, I will remind myself of His ever-abiding presence, of His faithfulness, and of His closeness. I'll meditate on the truth that He wants to be close to me even in the chaos. And I'll embrace His peace as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ups and Downs

  Maybe it's just "that time of year" for me, but I've struggled a lot the last few weeks. I still affectionately  call it the caregiver's fog. Lol. Okay, maybe it's not-so-affectionately. I know I can share my true feelings with you guys because you get it. You understand the day-to-day grind of caregiving. The military has a saying about there being no easy day. I think we live in that reality. It's just not easy caring for another whole person, is it? Caregiving presents many difficulties. We can find ourselves alone, so very alone on this journey. It doesn't just go away. We don't just work through it. It seems to go on and on. There are lots of ups and downs - and that can be about every 90 seconds some days. Right? (smile!) As I've been working through this emotional maze the last few days, I turned my thoughts to Daniel. Let's take a realistic look at his circumstances because as we read his story in the Bible, we tend to glamorize i

Seasons Are Temporary

  This morning, I found myself reading in Isaiah 28. I ended up there because I was looking for something in particular, and even though I didn't find what I was looking for, I found what I needed. God's so cool like that, isn't He? My eyes first fell on verse 29, which says in the NKJ: This also comes from the Lord of hosts, Who is wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance. I rolled that over in my mind and heart a few times and spent a few minutes thinking about how I'd seen His counsel in action in my own life. We've all had those times when we weren't sure what to do or where to go, and suddenly, an idea drops into our thoughts. There are many ways He provides direction for us. He may direct our steps through a passage of scripture, a trusted spiritual leader such as a pastor, a YouTube teacher, and maybe even a lowly blog writer. Lol. No matter how He chooses to deliver His counsel, it comes - but we must listen. After I had rolled these thoughts and t

Seek and Ye Shall Find

 Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to strategize ways of dealing with stress. It's something we all deal with, especially caregivers. I'm walking and exercising more, which helps the body get rid of stress and it helps improve sleep to some degree. But I've also been working on training my thoughts. I've been working on purposefully finding things to be thankful for. At first, it was a bit difficult because let's face it, caregiving is hard work.  This morning, I was plugging Chris into a nebulizer for a breathing treatment as he had an asthma attack yesterday afternoon after we'd been out for a little bit. As I was doing his treatment and his tube feeding, I didn't even really think about it; this "thought" just rolled up out of me. I thought, thank you, Lord, for carrying us through the long night. My own thankfulness surprised me! Lol. I realized at that moment that it's getting easier and easier to be thankful, even for the litt