Tuesday, June 11, 2019

A Quiet Search

Lately, I've been searching for something. On one hand, I have looked for it in music, like what I have currently is missing a piece. I am not sure what it is I am looking for, but I've tried downloading new music and listening to my old albums too. It's nowhere yet - but perhaps I'll find it soon.

As a caregiver, it feels I am on a search too. Sometimes, I am looking for God's hand in the day-to-day which, by the way, is anything but mundane. It may be lonely. But there's never a dull moment. There are times when God steps in and kisses my day and I am so aware of His presence. Then there are long strings of days where I honestly don't feel Him at all and must continue to trust that He is near as He promised in His word.

Either way, it's like my soul is quietly searching for His interaction in my day, in my world, in my life. Even in my darkest moments when I wasn't sure where He was or what I believed any more - as He was redefining my faith, my soul continued its quiet search for Him.

These are some of my thoughts that started to take shape as I read through Psalm 9. When my world fell apart in 2008 and I started learning about the caregiving role, my soul was still searching for Him. I wanted God (and still do) to invade everything, and not just to "make everything right" but to just be there. Although I was blinded by the incident I wanted and needed to know He was near.

It's like when I began seeking Him as a child, a button got pushed. It can't be un-pushed. My soul continues a quiet search for Him no matter what life has or has not brought my way. At 6 years old my soul began to cry out - I just need to know God. My mission hasn't changed.

In Psalm 9:10, the psalmist says, Those who know Your name trust in You, for you, O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for You. Jeremiah 29:13-14 says it this way If you look for Me in earnest, you will find Me when you seek Me. I will be found by you. I have said it before - God doesn't play hide-n-seek. If we seek Him - He says - Here I am!

So I think it's a good thing for our souls to continue on their quiet search for Him in our circumstances. He didn't say He'd be found by us unless we were caregivers. He put no stipulation except that we seek in earnest.

Today, I will continue my quiet search to find Him in my day. Maybe we will find it in the way we touch our loved one's brow, wipe their mouths, or comb their hair. But I bet, when we look - we'll find Him. I'll keep searching - will you join me?

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