This week has been more than enough for a normal life, let alone a caregiving life. I will spare you all the details, but the biggest problem by far was being without internet for nearly two days. I handled it well, I think. I painted, I learned some new chords on the ukulele and spent some great time with my grands. But I got behind on work, so now my frustration level is greater than it was before.
That's just one of the additional situations I'm dealing with on top of caregiving. Sometimes it feels like I am stretched tight like a rubber band and I'm going to pop with any more pressure. Life can feel really ugly sometimes, and I don't always deal with it well. I've learned to find beauty in little things like dainty flowers along the front walkway, or those "weeds" out back that bear beautiful flowers. And of course, they get cut down because they are not valuable to others - they only bring beauty to my eyes. No one seems to understand that, and that's okay.
So, the other day as I was going through my aunt's things and found that beautiful poem by my grandmother - I also found one by someone I don't know. It says her name is "Sister Pauline Relaford" and she cared for her mom through a long illness. Here's what the top of the paper says: Sister Pauline Relaford faithfully cared for her beloved mother during a long illness. Sometimes she felt unimportant and forgotten, and grieved that she could not come to church or serve her Lord more. After her mother's death, the first Sunday she came to church the Lord gave her this song to sing in the midst of the congregation.
They said God was not mindful
of the little that we could do:
Said that He was not mindful of me,
Was not mindful of you,
That God was only mindful
of the mighty and the brave.
I said, Thou speakest as a foolish one,
Besides that thou hast spoken much too late.
For the story of the poor widow
Quickly I did recall,
How when she cast in her little bit,
Jesus said she had given more than ye all.
I know that God is mindful of that great eagle
with wings that soar toward the sky,
But He is mindful of you and I.
I walked by a bed of violets
And God made me to know
That if I were to caress them,
Even I'd have to bend down low.
As I did kneel to caress them,
Again He made me know
That He was mindful of the little things,
Lest why did those violets grow?
Yea, He is mindful of the widow,
Mindful of the sparrow,
and that great eagle that
Goes toward the sky,
He is mindful of the violet
and mindful of you and I.
I don't know about you - but I know about me. I needed to be reminded to keep finding beauty in the little things. And that God sees the little things - including me. I can feel so insignificant. And I am - in the big scheme of things. But He knows. He sees. He is mindful of you and I.
Today, I will remind myself that He does see where I am and the biggest things that weigh me down. And that He also sees the little things that add to the weight of the journey. He sees the delicate flowers and knows how much they help my soul - and He is the one who keeps my soul! I'll trust He can carry me through today and I will let Him do that. If you need carrying today - will you join me?
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