Skip to main content

Helping a Senior Loved One Plan a Spouse’s Funeral




Image via Pexels

Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. For seniors, that stress is even more dangerous. The depression and loneliness seniors feel after a big loss can put their health at risk. Grief also weakens the immune system, which makes them more susceptible to infection and other illnesses.

Seniors dealing with dementia and related illnesses like Alzheimer’s have an even more difficult time with grief. Memory loss, emotional instability, and other symptoms of dementia make each day after a death a unique and challenging experience. Communicating about the loss and their emotions presents a difficult task you will likely have to go through multiple times. 

There are many things you can do to help support a senior after the loss of a spouse. One of the most important things to do is to be there long after the death to listen and encourage healthy behaviors. However, if you want to help in a more immediate manner, planning a funeral can be extremely overwhelming. Stepping in to help with the organization and execution of memorial services can be a big help for a grieving senior.

First: What Not to Do

For adult children who lose a parent, it’s easy to think that details like housing, finances, wills and end-of-life documents, and long-term care plans should be discussed with the surviving parent as soon as possible. However, these conversations -- while important -- should be postponed for at least a few weeks. Your loved one is already suffering a great deal of trauma after losing their beloved spouse, and piling on more stress isn’t going to help them cope with their grief. Wait until they’ve had some time to process their loss, and then gently bring up the conversation. If they’re still not ready, give it a little more time, but if they continuously shoot down the discussion, consider working with an elder mediator to get the ball rolling and help everyone come up with a plan for care and finances.

Body Disposition Options

Chances are, the deceased already chose their preferred method of disposition, or what to do with their remains when they are gone. If they did not make their preference known, it is up to the spouse to choose the best way to do so. Today, there are many more body disposition options available than there were in the past:

     Below-ground burial - This is a traditional option, but it requires various costs, including those for a plot, casket, embalming, grave marking, etc. Seniors are generally more comfortable with the idea of having a designated place at which they can visit their loved one.

     Above-ground burial - Entombment requires purchasing a crypt within a mausoleum in which the deceased can be buried.

     Cremation - Regulations for cremation vary depending on which state you live in, but it’s a cost-effective method of body disposition. Loved ones can choose to hold on to the ashes or spread them at a place that meant a lot to the deceased.

     Donation - Donating a body to medical science is not the most sentimental method of disposition, but it can do a lot of good.

     Coffin-less burial - This method of disposition is gaining popularity because it is much more cost-effective and eco-friendly. Without the use of embalming fluids or other chemicals, the body is washed and wrapped in a shroud. The body is then buried sans coffin to decompose and return to the earth.

Ceremony

Not everybody wants a ceremony to memorialize a death, but many people find it is a very useful event that helps them move on. If the deceased was religious, chances are they would prefer the ceremony be held in their house of worship with words being spoken by the leader of their congregation. There may also be friends or family who would like to say a few words in memoriam. Helping a senior organize these kinds of things can be a huge help when planning a funeral ceremony.

Reception 

After a funeral ceremony, people generally like to meet up at a designated place for a reception where they can enjoy refreshments and reminisce. Holding the reception at your place can take the burden off the grieving spouse. You can provide food and drinks, but don’t be afraid to ask for help or make the event a potluck. When a person dies, there are always a lot of emotions-- and a lot of food. Take advantage of people’s generosity, and let them bring the casserole.

***

When a senior loses a spouse, it puts their mental and physical health at risk. To mitigate the stress, they rely on friends and family to help with the arrangements. Providing assistance with choosing a mode of disposition, ceremony, and reception can help with this difficult time.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ups and Downs

  Maybe it's just "that time of year" for me, but I've struggled a lot the last few weeks. I still affectionately  call it the caregiver's fog. Lol. Okay, maybe it's not-so-affectionately. I know I can share my true feelings with you guys because you get it. You understand the day-to-day grind of caregiving. The military has a saying about there being no easy day. I think we live in that reality. It's just not easy caring for another whole person, is it? Caregiving presents many difficulties. We can find ourselves alone, so very alone on this journey. It doesn't just go away. We don't just work through it. It seems to go on and on. There are lots of ups and downs - and that can be about every 90 seconds some days. Right? (smile!) As I've been working through this emotional maze the last few days, I turned my thoughts to Daniel. Let's take a realistic look at his circumstances because as we read his story in the Bible, we tend to glamorize i

Seasons Are Temporary

  This morning, I found myself reading in Isaiah 28. I ended up there because I was looking for something in particular, and even though I didn't find what I was looking for, I found what I needed. God's so cool like that, isn't He? My eyes first fell on verse 29, which says in the NKJ: This also comes from the Lord of hosts, Who is wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance. I rolled that over in my mind and heart a few times and spent a few minutes thinking about how I'd seen His counsel in action in my own life. We've all had those times when we weren't sure what to do or where to go, and suddenly, an idea drops into our thoughts. There are many ways He provides direction for us. He may direct our steps through a passage of scripture, a trusted spiritual leader such as a pastor, a YouTube teacher, and maybe even a lowly blog writer. Lol. No matter how He chooses to deliver His counsel, it comes - but we must listen. After I had rolled these thoughts and t

Seek and Ye Shall Find

 Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to strategize ways of dealing with stress. It's something we all deal with, especially caregivers. I'm walking and exercising more, which helps the body get rid of stress and it helps improve sleep to some degree. But I've also been working on training my thoughts. I've been working on purposefully finding things to be thankful for. At first, it was a bit difficult because let's face it, caregiving is hard work.  This morning, I was plugging Chris into a nebulizer for a breathing treatment as he had an asthma attack yesterday afternoon after we'd been out for a little bit. As I was doing his treatment and his tube feeding, I didn't even really think about it; this "thought" just rolled up out of me. I thought, thank you, Lord, for carrying us through the long night. My own thankfulness surprised me! Lol. I realized at that moment that it's getting easier and easier to be thankful, even for the litt