Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful
events a person can go through. For seniors, that stress is even more
dangerous. The depression and loneliness seniors feel after a big loss can put
their health at risk. Grief also weakens the immune system, which makes them
more susceptible to infection and other illnesses.
Seniors dealing with dementia and related
illnesses like Alzheimer’s have an even more difficult time with grief. Memory
loss, emotional instability, and other symptoms of dementia make each day after
a death a unique and challenging experience. Communicating about the loss and
their emotions presents a difficult task you will likely have to go through
multiple times.
There are many things you can do to help
support a senior after the loss of a spouse. One of the most important things
to do is to be there long after the death to listen and encourage healthy behaviors. However, if you want to
help in a more immediate manner, planning a funeral can be extremely
overwhelming. Stepping in to help with the organization and execution of
memorial services can be a big help for a grieving senior.
First:
What Not to Do
For adult children who lose a parent, it’s
easy to think that details like housing, finances, wills and end-of-life
documents, and long-term care plans should be discussed with
the surviving parent as soon as possible. However, these conversations -- while
important -- should be postponed for at least a few weeks. Your loved one is
already suffering a great deal of trauma after losing their beloved spouse, and
piling on more stress isn’t going to help them cope with their grief. Wait
until they’ve had some time to process their loss, and then gently bring up the
conversation. If they’re still not ready, give it a little more time, but if
they continuously shoot down the discussion, consider working with an elder mediator to get the ball rolling and
help everyone come up with a plan for care and finances.
Body
Disposition Options
Chances are, the deceased already chose their
preferred method of disposition, or what to do with their remains when they are
gone. If they did not make their preference known, it is up to the spouse to
choose the best way to do so. Today, there are many more body disposition options available than there were in the past:
●
Below-ground burial - This is a traditional
option, but it requires various costs, including those for a plot, casket,
embalming, grave marking, etc. Seniors are generally more comfortable with the
idea of having a designated place at which they can visit their loved one.
●
Above-ground burial - Entombment requires
purchasing a crypt within a mausoleum in which the deceased can be buried.
●
Cremation - Regulations for cremation vary
depending on which state you live in, but it’s a cost-effective method of body
disposition. Loved ones can choose to hold on to the ashes or spread them at a
place that meant a lot to the deceased.
●
Donation - Donating a body to medical science is not the
most sentimental method of disposition, but it can do a lot of good.
●
Coffin-less burial - This method of
disposition is gaining popularity because it is much more cost-effective and eco-friendly. Without the use of embalming
fluids or other chemicals, the body is washed and wrapped in a shroud. The body
is then buried sans coffin to decompose and return to the earth.
Ceremony
Not everybody wants a ceremony to memorialize
a death, but many people find it is a very useful event that helps them move
on. If the deceased was religious, chances are they would prefer the ceremony
be held in their house of worship with words being spoken by the leader of
their congregation. There may also be friends or family who would like to say a
few words in memoriam. Helping a senior organize these kinds of things can be a huge
help when planning a funeral ceremony.
Reception
After a funeral ceremony, people generally
like to meet up at a designated place for a reception where they can enjoy refreshments
and reminisce. Holding the reception at your place can take the burden off the
grieving spouse. You can provide food and drinks, but don’t be afraid to ask
for help or make the event a potluck. When a person dies, there are always a
lot of emotions-- and a lot of food. Take advantage of people’s generosity, and
let them bring the casserole.
***
When a senior loses a spouse, it puts their
mental and physical health at risk. To mitigate the stress, they rely on
friends and family to help with the arrangements. Providing assistance with
choosing a mode of disposition, ceremony, and reception can help with this
difficult time.
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