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In the Storm

Last night was one of those long nights far too many caregivers are familiar with. I was up and down all night with Chris. These nights are the ones that wear on your body, soul, and spirit. As caregivers, we run wide open - and it doesn't take much to send us over the brink. For most of us, the day-to-day is stressful and we hold it together for everyone else while we're not sure we are going to make it.

Some of that stems from fear especially as we get older. My own thoughts war against me when I think about how much longer I'll be able to care for my son. How many long nights can this old body endure? lol. I laugh because it makes it easier and it's better than crying.  The fear is real, though and it makes the long nights wear on my mind longer than on my body. I'll hopefully catch a nap today and sleep tonight and my body will recover. But my mind keeps sparring with my soul. 

It's here - in the midst of the storm that it's easy to lose our focus. The waves keep washing over the sides of our proverbial ship trying to take us down. It's in this storm we can lose heart. We can feel overcome, lost at sea. It's an emotional battle that can rage day after long day. But we don't automatically learn to trust Him more - it's a choice to trust Him and not focus on the storm.

The question becomes for us if we can trust Him in the storm. But the real question becomes can He trust us - in the storm? Job endured, and God knew that he would. God knew Job wouldn't give in. God trusted Job. Can He trust us with the storm? Will we continue to hold on to Him? Will we continue to run to Him? Will we trust Him when it is all out of sync and nothing is running smoothly?

Today, my declaration is that I will continue to trust Him - He is my only help, the sustainer of my soul - my rearguard, my rock, my shelter... I will purposefully run to Him today and cast myself at His feet. And today, I may just lay there for a while and wait for His peace to wash over my soul once again. Will you join me? His peace will come...

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