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The Failure

 


Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I ask this question partly in jest because as caregivers it's a definite "all the time" answer, right? Many nights, I feel like a failure. Actually, most nights as I am preparing to collapse into the bed, all the things I didn't get done dance through my head. I think of all those things left on today's to-do list that will remain on tomorrow's new list. 

As caregivers, there are so many demands made on us every day. Recently, my son has been ill so this increased doctor visits, nurse visits, etc. I know you know the drill. Scheduling these necessary things on already crowded days can totally overwhelm a person who is already overwhelmed, adding to the negative thoughts of being a failure.

Recently, I've learned to identify these negative thoughts as soon as they begin. I start telling myself, "I may not have got this and that done today. But I did get this, this, that, and something else done today." I remind myself that I didn't do "nothing" today. Caregivers have no days where they do nothing, right? It's a busy life no matter what our situations or circumstances. 

As these thoughts were running through my mind this morning, I found myself in scripture. I'm reading in the New Living Translation, and in Psalm 73:22 I find this scripture. Asaph, the psalmist says, I was so foolish and ignorant, I must have seemed like a senseless animal to You." In context, he is comparing his life with others. That's another trap caregivers fall into. It can seem like everyone else gets to "play" but we are trapped in a caregiver's cave. 

But here's what I want to focus on. The next verse says this, Yet I still belong to You, You are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Asaph goes on to say, My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak (was he a caregiver too?) but God remains the strength of my heart, He is mine forever. 

What a comfort to know that He continues to walk this journey called life with us. When we feel like we have failed, are feeling overwhelmed, feeling like we are missing out, or any of the other wide range of emotions - He is still holding our hands, and He won't let go. 

Today, instead of focusing on feeling like I never do enough - I'm going to look to the one Who does it all! I'll meditate on how He holds my right hand as I journey through caregiving,  My heart will be set on the truth that He is still leading me and how He has good planned for me and my loved one. While my flesh is weak today - I'll trust in His strength that constantly holds me up. I will trust Him for today - will you join me?


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