Are you just ever overwhelmed with emotions. I have those "moments" where I am just suddenly sad. I hope it's just me - but I have a good idea that you understand what I am talking about. I'm pretty sure it's all part of the living grief that comes with the loss of a person whose body and spirit are still here. Caregivers often have a lot of grief and sadness to work through. Most of the time, I'm good, especially if Chris is making progress, feeling well, and interacting some. But there are times when I am incredibly sad and miss who he was. It can be difficult in those moments to find solid footing again.
Of course, there are many chores and lots of work to keep my mind and body busy throughout the day - but if I'm not careful the sadness can sweep me away. I find myself struggling to find some small piece of peace.
What's a caregiver to do in those times? A "moment" can come on us unannounced, unprovoked, and certainly unwelcomed. Then, it starts nagging at our souls. David encouraged himself in the Lord - and we must follow suit. In 1 Samuel 30:6, David found himself in quite a pickle. The city had been burned his wives had been taken captive and the people were blaming him and talking of killing him to "rid themselves" of the evil. Well, I feel better now. lol.
David did what he did best - he went straight to the Lord. He asked God, "Shall I pursue the troop? Shall I overtake them?" (NKJ) Perhaps we should mimic his first response - he encouraged himself in the Lord - then inquired of Him. He asked himself hard questions, why are you cast down, o my soul? Why are you disquieted within me? (NKJ) - Then he answered - hope in God. Then he made a declaration - I will yet praise Him for He is my help. (Psalm 43)
When sadness, grief, or any other emotional struggle hits us - we can first allow ourselves to experience the emotion. Working through it means asking ourselves why we feel it - and if we can do anything about it. Then - we take it to Him. (No matter what our answer was to the hard questions!) And then comes the declarations - I will hope in God - He will be my help.
He shows up - every single time.
Today, I will turn my face to Him. I will look up to Him for I know like you know that our help comes from the Lord. I will remind myself that I do not carry this load alone - He's got me. He's got you today too. Today I will trust the keeper of my soul to keep my soul! I will trust the lover of my soul to love my broken soul. I will lean into Him today until I can feel Him breathe over this crazy heart and life as I trust Him with one more day. Will you join me?
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