Skip to main content

Invisible

 


Do you ever feel invisible as a caregiver? Pain is invisible. Grief is invisible. Our tears are usually invisible to others too. I guess about the only time I don't feel as invisible is when I go to the store - then I feel like we stick out like a sore thumb. I push Chris in front and pull a cart behind like a slow-moving train through the store. Can't miss that now, can we? lol

Sometimes, people can't and don't want to imagine our pain. Maybe they can't fathom our living grief. Maybe for some, seeing us reminds them of their own pain or grief they don't know how to deal with. Since I am the aide now, I take Chris with me everywhere - even to my doctor's appointments. They "accommodate" him - but they do not speak to him - or ask about him in any way. Does that strike you as strange? Maybe it feels odd since my whole life is wrapped up in taking care of him. Idk.

But every once in a while, someone breaks from this silent norm and steps out of all our comfort zones. Two times this week (maybe just because we are out more now!) people have actually spoken to him. That should not be a huge occurrence, but it is. On Chris' birthday which went largely forgotten (or ignored), I took him to Braum's for ice cream as a birthday treat. An elderly lady started walking toward us. She walked up and pointed to Chris and said - "I can tell you are someone special." When I told her he was indeed and it was his birthday - she broke out singing "Happy Birthday." Thank God for this angel!

Yesterday, as we got in the elevator to leave the heart hospital, an elderly man spoke to Chris - "Hello, young man how are you?" he said. I awkwardly explained that Chris is non-verbal but he hears and understands well. The man made no more attempts at talking to him. But at least he said hi!

As invisible as I feel - I wonder if Chris, in his silence feels even more invisible. Someone in a caregiver's group this week said an injury or a condition doesn't prevent the heart from feeling love. As caregivers, our pain is deep. Our grief is numbing. But we still feel both ends of the emotional spectrum from rejection to love. 

We are not invisible to God. He sees us through and through. He feels our breath and senses every emotion, knows every thought, and perceives the depth of every single pain we sense. Sometimes, it feels so huge I can't even fathom that, but I'm thankful that He can see that deeply into emotions and feelings I don't even have words for.

Today, I will remind myself that we are not invisible to God. My thoughts will be on how He intentionally looks our way and how He purposefully touches those deep parts of our hearts. I'll be thankful that He draws near when I feel most broken. He soothes. He comforts. He heals hurts no one will ever know we have. Will you join me in thanking Him for that today?


____________________________________________________________

31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Caregiver Burnout is Real

  Do you ever just get too tired? Do you ever want to quit? Do you ever sit down for a whole 30 seconds and think about not getting back up? Ever? Who am I kidding? Sometimes I forget who I'm talking to. Lol. As caregivers, burnout is real. But the problem for most of us, is we don't get a break even in the midst of burnout, right? Let's face it. If we had a bit more help we might  avoid burnout - but once we feel that we are in a season of burnout and stressed out - there's still no help. It's easy to feel stuck. I try to do a few things to avoid burnout and to cope. Someone told me one time that I had learned how to live even in the midst of the situation. I think she was right. I have learned to slow down and enjoy an afternoon cup of tea (or coffee!!!). I try to get outside as much as possible because sunshine and fresh air are essential to a healthy life. Some days that means sitting on the patio so I can see Chris in the recliner through the window. But I'

Part of the Crowd

 I took Chris to our local minor league baseball team's game yesterday. I must say I give the ballpark an A+ on accessibility. The parking guys pointed me to a handicap spot right near the gate. And from there, I just rolled him in and found our accessible seating - which just means a chair beside an empty spot for the wheelchair to fit in! It was great. He could see fine and even though it was a bit loud at times - it wasn't too loud for him. What joy fills my heart when I find things to do that are positive. As we sat and watched the game, we became part of the crowd. We were all watching the game and cheering on the home team. We had one purpose - besides being entertained, and that was to support the local team. We all cheered when our guys made a play. We hooped and hollered when one of them stole a base or hit a home run. It was so amazing to be part of something bigger than us - to be part of the community.   It made me think about the crowds who followed Jesus and the w

One Little Catch

  There always seems to be a catch doesn't there? I think as caregivers we find ourselves in spots with catches a lot! The things that should be simple to navigate or often complex due to caregiving responsibilities. simple things like going to grab a prescription that's ready or swing by the grocery store are much more difficult when you have to take into account the care of a loved one.  People may say, It's easy - just go - but by the time they get to the "go" part our minds are burdened with all it takes to just go. For me, it means clothing and transferring another whole human being! lol - There's no just  jumping in the car and heading out, right? It's opening and lowering the ramp - getting the chair in the van and situation properly. Then, getting all the buckles in place and secure before we can "just go." Sometimes God's answers seem to be complex too. In Psalm 50 verse 15, God says He will rescue us - all we have to do (just....) i