I know we don't like to talk about our fears. Somehow we've let the world convince us that if we express any amount of fear or concern, we are not in faith. Nothing could be further from the truth. David even said What time I am afraid I will trust in You. (Psalm 56:3) We have so many stories of Bible heroes who faced difficulties that we sometimes forget they were human. Joseph cried bitterly when his brothers sold him. He had to have been afraid. We read the rest of his story without a lot of emotions sometimes. It's easy to forget this is the life he was living - we're just reading it.
Someone said real courage is moving ahead even though you are afraid. Without fear - situations don't take courage to face. I remember when I first brought my son home. Every time it was time to transfer him (which wasn't a lot back then), I'd get sick to my stomach. I was so scared I'd drop him or hurt him. Those fears were warranted - but they didn't last, thankfully. :-)
As caregivers, our concerns change over time. Recently, I had a caregiver friend who fell ill suddenly and passed away. Her son is being well taken care of by the family. I have no one who can take care of my son if I were to die today. (I'm not planning on it, but still! lol) I grieve because I fear he won't feel loved. My prayer is that I live at least one day longer than him. I can't imagine what will happen to him when I am gone.
Another common fear for caregivers is being able to provide financially. Thankfully, God has provided good work for me and that's not a huge concern at this point. But I did face those fears early on.
Our fears and concerns may change based on our own personal situations and circumstances. They change over time too, don't they? Kudos to every caregiver out there who makes it through the days through prayer, faith, and raw guts! :-)
One thing I've learned to do is to remind myself that I have this day - today. Right now I am able to care for Chris and should be able to for the foreseeable future! I thank God for each day and for the strength to make it. I pray for wisdom to handle my affairs and plan for further down life's road. I remind myself that God is faithful for every "this day" we have the opportunity to live!
Today - this day - I will thank Him for His sustaining grace. I will be thankful for this day. I'll thank God for bringing us thus far - and for never abandoning us when the way got rough. I'll hug my son a little tighter this day - and pray that he feels my love. Then, I'll thank God for walking through this day with me - just like I walk through all my todays with my son, because I love him. Will you join me?
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