In the Asking

 

You ever just have one of "those days"? I'm in one now - but it started yesterday when I was verbally attacked by a client. It sent me off on this emotional train wreck as it felt like everything was caving in around me. It wasn't, but it sure felt like it until I got a grip on His grace again!

It's taken me a long time to get all that out of my head and to remind myself that I am valuable to Him - and nothing else - no one else's opinion really matters. This morning, I spent time praying about it all and writing it out in my journal. That is a tool I highly recommend as it is a safe place - with no one else's opinions and no one else's thoughts. I like it because I can put it all there - walk away and never look back. It really is a great way to plan my personal changes. It's also a great place to leave all the emotions there and walk away.

As I finished writing out my thoughts and prayers, I found myself in Psalm 13. It says How long, O Lord will you look on? How long, O Lord, will you look the other way - while I have anguish in my soul. (I don't know what versions that rolled out of - that's the words that I remember in no particular order. lol) But as I was stuck in deep feelings of aloneness, I realized something. Just in praying that Psalm - as our hearts cry out to Him - it acknowledges His presence. Crying out to Him - praying to Him - seeking Him - is our heart's way of still believing that He's there. And in that pain-filled moment, I had comfort.

Even though my heart was asking if He was still looking the other way - it was seeking Him. Isn't that faith in the fire? Isn't that our heart's way of saying what the 3 Hebrew children told the king - who represents this world today? My God is able..... He is able to deliver - but if not - I'm still not going to bow!

Whether we are seeking Him from an emotional shipwreck or asking for direction, seeking Him without words or with tears, our heart is telling us that we still know He's there. We haven't denied Him. We haven't walked away. No matter how alone we may feel. No matter how lost we may feel. No matter how far back into the cave we feel we moved - He's only a breath away.

Today, as I crawl out of this fog, I will remind myself that my questions mean I am still seeking. I will think about my intense desire to be with Him, and I will turn my heart and my thoughts to His great love for me. I'll remind myself that His grace is sufficient for this day - no matter what it does or does not bring. I'll meditate on His grace, His mercy, His love - and I will thank Him for being here in the fog even as I trust Him for one more day - will you join me?