Have you ever just had one of those days? You know, I'm pretty sure. Everything just crashes in on you, and the emotions are thinned out and raw. That's where I found myself yesterday. I was driving Chris to therapy and stopped to literally put gas in the van. It was literally my last $3! I was okay - I knew I had a client who would pay me this morning. So I wasn't worried, but it still hit me hard. As usual, I turned my multitude of thoughts into prayers, and I just let it all hang out. I even shed a few tears, and I don't cry often.
I explained to God (like He doesn't know) how tired I am. I was worried about paying for therapy because it was coming out of my pocket. I'm so far behind in work; it's not even funny. I was explaining to God in my prayers how I just don't know what to do, how I'll make it, etc. Can anyone relate?
All of a sudden, I was just literally out of words. I had nothing. My emotions and tears were dry, and I just shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. That was it. I just drove home in silence, not knowing what to say, how to pray.
Then, I thought of the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' garment. She didn't bring words either. She pressed through the crowd silently. Had she spoken, she could have been stoned per the law - because she was unclean. Sometimes, it feels like we are labeled as unclean, different, unacceptable, weird, and a misfit. Our lives are vastly different than the majority, and it's easier to overlook us rather than to see our pain.
I thought about how powerful it was for her to reach out and touch Jesus - and she didn't even bring words. She didn't pray a "model" prayer, quote a hundred verses in the right order, or follow any pre-cut method for reaching Him. She just brought her broken soul. And He felt it. He said - who touched me? His disciples laughed and said - you know you're standing in a crowd of people, right? (my loose translation)
It was probably a bit hectic, loud, and rowdy. The crowds were pressing in to see Him and hear Him. But her silent touch moved Him.
Today, I need my silent touch to move Him. Even if there are no words left to express my emotions or feelings, my soul is reaching for Him today. My meditations will be on how He sees me - right where I am. He gets me. And He understands all those things that are beyond the ability of words to express. But in sheer determination, I'm reaching for Him from my soul. Will you join me?
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